Carmen Lopez quotes from George Lopez

Carmen

Grandma, how old were you when your parents got you a car? [Benny laughs] Okay, Dad. How old were you when Grandma got you a car? [George and Benny both laugh] Okay, okay. None of you got cars, but aren't you supposed to want better for your kids?

Carmen

I just got my letter from Northern Vermont, but I'm afraid to open it. This is my last shot, Mom. Not just for an education, for freedom. I can't party and pierce things in this house. I need to go away.

Carmen

Here are the hot dogs.

George

What are you doing?

Carmen

Ow, my underarms burn. Your grandpa's old razor was so dull, it took me forever!

George

Didn't you change the blade?

Carmen

No. Was I supposed to?

George

Sweetheart, that was the blade we used to shave Grandpa right before we put him in the coffin.

Carmen

Oh, my God!

Angie

Carmen! That's why you don't lie to people.

George

It wasn't a lie.

Angie

But they're mean to Toby and Toby is your best friend.

Carmen

But she won't be there!

George

Oh, see that only makes sense because you're using teenager logic. It's the same kind of logic that gets your kind killed in horror films.

Angie

Look, honey, I know what you're going through. There was a time when I had to choose between the popular crowd and a sweet pudgy kid eating all by himself.

George

Who was that?

Angie

You don't know him.

George

By the way, you didn't pick the pudgy kid. Pudgy kid picked you.

Angie

Yep.

Carmen

Run, Adam!

Angie

You better run, moron!

George

I gotta tell the kids I found their grandpa. Carmen, Max, get down here!

Angie

You know you have to explain about his partner, Charles, too?

George

Oh. Take your time, kids.

Carmen

What's up?

George

I got some great news and some interesting news. I think I found your grandpa.

Max

Really?

George

I might have even found you two grandpas!

George

Carmen, what happened?

Carmen

I got into a fight with Piper. She kept called me a slut and then she pushed me.

Angie

Honey are you okay? You have blood on you!

Carmen

That's Piper's.

George

Really?

Carmen

Yeah, I punched her in the nose.

George

DAMN, my girl's a scrapper!

Angie

George!

George

Angie let me have this, she drew blood!

Carmen

I didn't start the fight, I didn't even WANT to fight her but, ugh, she made me. You believe me, right?

George

Of course we do

Carmen

Good, cause Mr. Durango didn't. I'm suspended.

Angie

Wait, YOU'RE suspended? That's not right.

George

See Angie, I told you, he's paying me back by getting at my daughter, you still think I'm being paranoid?

[walks in] Hey what's going on?

George

Carmen got in a fight, Mom.

Look, you have blood on you!

Carmen

That's the other girl's.

DAMN, my granddaughter's a scrapper!

George

Mom, we don't encourage violence in this house. [they secretly highfive]

Angie

Benny, take Carmen upstairs and help her clean up.

Sure. Let's go champ. [takes her upstairs]

George

Carmen, good news.

Angie

You're not suspended. Piper is.

George

You can go back to school. Mr. Durango's gonna make sure none of the kids ever mess with you again.

Carmen

I'm not going back.

Angie

Carmen, everything is gonna be better now. Adam's gonna tell everyone that he lied.

Carmen

You don't understand. It's too late. I'm the school whore now.

Angie

Carmen, I think you're getting a little carried away. [Carmen walks over to the answering machine and turns it on]

[over the answering machine] Yeah. This is Jason. I'd like to leave a message for the school whore. [he and another boy start laughing]

George

Who are those boys? I'll get 'em suspended.

Carmen

[starts to cry] Then suspend everybody! You know what else happened today? A boy followed me in the bathroom and asked me if I wanted to do it!

Angie

[as she tries to comfort Carmen] Honey...

Carmen

Another boy pulled up my shirt when I was walking down the hall! [cries] Please don't make me go back. Please! [hugs George as she cries]

George

It's okay, baby. We'll figure something out. Go upstairs so your mom and I can talk. [Carmen goes upstairs]

Angie

She's not wrong. She can never get her reputation back.

George

I don't want to see her suffer like this for three more years.

Angie

Me either. What are you thinking?

George

Private school.

Angie

That's what I was thinking. Can we afford it?

George

No. We'll have to sell the boy.

George

[to Benny] What the hell were you thinking? How many times have I told you that this isn't putting out a cigarette?

It wasn't me. I flick it to the neighbor's yard like decent people.

George

[to Carmen] What the hell were you thinking?

Carmen

Why are you accusing me?

George

You snuck out of the house, you got a hicky, you smoked a cigarette, you are one hard lemonade away from arson.

Max

I did it.

George

I knew it. [to Carmen] What did you do to make your brother burn the garage down?

Max

Ricky gave me a bottle rocket, and I shot it off, but I didn't know it would land on the garage. I'm really sorry, Dad.

George

Sorry doesn't cut it. You can say goodbye to your allowance for the next year.

Max

But Dad...

George

No, I don't want to hear it. Max, you destroyed the garage. [realizes] Oh, man, my golf clubs! No, I put them in the car. No, I put them in the garage to clean them! No, I put them back. I don't remember!

Carmen

[to George & Angie] You guys are the best parents in the whole world!

George

No.

Carmen

No, what?

George

You want something and the answer is no. You're just too young.

Carmen

You don't even know what it is.

George

What is it?

Carmen

I wanna date.

George

No, you're just too young. Angie, I got it right!

George

Hey J-Man, what's up?

Jason

What's up, man?

George

Wait up for Carmen.

Jason

Carmen? (looks at her) Oh yeah... I've seen you in the cafeteria, nice to meet you.

George

That's how you treat your girlfriend?

Jason

Girlfriend? Yeah right. (walks off with his friends)

Carmen

...I'm going home! (runs off)

Angie

Carmen!

George

Follow her and make sure she's alright, I'll deal with Jason. (gets out of the car) It's bad enough to ignore my daughter but I thought we had something. "What's up, man?" I don't think so. Yo, Breakfast Club!

George

(knocks on Carmen's door) Carmen, I wanna talk to you.

Carmen

Go away, I already told Mom I don't want to talk about it.

George

I talked to Jason.

Carmen

(opens door) What did you say to him?

George

Don't worry, I told him it was over and he couldn't see you again.

Carmen

Why would you do that?

George

I'm helping you! You know what he said to me? He said he couldn't be seen with you because you're not one of the popular girls.

Carmen

That was our deal.

George

...What?!

Carmen

He was trying to protect me. Jason is super popular. If the popular girls found out we were dating, they'd be really mean to me. So when other people were around, we"d pretend not to know each other. He didn't want me to get hurt.

George

Oh, well, thank God there's a logical explanation, I mean I thought you were being used. You're right, he is sweet.

Carmen

You just don't understand.

George

Carmen, this kid doesn't care about you, he's embarrassed to be seen with you! Where's your self respect?

Carmen

I'm gonna call him.

George

No.

Carmen

Yes. (reaches for the phone)

George

Carmen, NO. (snatches phone away) Listen. Your mother was a lot more popular than me but she took me everywhere. No matter how ashamed she was.

Carmen

I'm gonna see Jason again.

George

Where? He won't be seen with you in public, Carmen, and he's not coming here.

Carmen

He'll find a way.

George

(under his breath) Man, sometimes you're dumber than the dog. (leaves room)

Carmen

The song ended.

George

(turns around) ...Love you.

Morning.

Carmen

Zack, what are you doing here? My dad's still home.

I wanted to take you to school.

Carmen

No, no, Noah's coming over to pick me up. My parents totally believe he's my boyfriend. Zack, don't blow this.

Relax. We'll call him on the way, come on.

Carmen

All right, fine, I'll meet you at the end of the block. Now go, get out.

Hey, how come you never wear this tube top for me?

Carmen

That's a headband.

Fine. Then put this thong on.

Carmen

That's a shoelace.

Work with me.

George

Carmen, there's no easy way to say this. Your boyfriend's in the closet.

Carmen

Oh my god.

George

Look, I know, I don't like it either. But just because Noah's gay... [Zack is shocked and hides back in the closet] Okay... It has nothing to do with you. Okay, this doesn't mean that you're ugly or stupid. He was just using you to hide something that he doesn't know how to deal with.

Carmen

I don't believe you!

Showtime, monkeys!

Carmen

You can't threaten my boyfriend!

George

The fake, gay, cover boyfriend, or the boyfriend you've been seeing behind our backs for a month?

Carmen

You read my diary?! I hate you!

George

I know! It's written on every page in here. [reads the diary] "I hate Dad! God, I hate Dad!" "Hey, old lady! Hang up the miniskirt! You're not 15 anymore!" [to Angie] Oh, that one's about you.

Carmen

You had no right to read this.

Angie

You've lost all your rights by lying to us, and if we have to look in your diary to find the truth about Zack, we'll do it.

Carmen

Oh, you wanna know the truth?! Well, here it is! I'm dating Zack because I love him and he loves me too!

Angie

Carmen, he doesn't love you. He's just using you.

George

Look, he told me he was gonna dump you as soon as he gets you into bed. Wake up!

Carmen

You're lying! You hate him so much, you'd say anything to keep us apart!

George

Yeah? Did I make up that he vandalized the factory? That he got a girl pregnant?

Angie

He didn't respect the girl enough to be safe.

Carmen

No, no, no. You guys don't understand Zack. His dad was never there for him, and his mom's a bitter, old drunk. You have no idea what that's like.

George

[to Benny] You wanna field that one? [to Carmen] Okay, you know what? End of discussion. Okay, we did not raise you this far so you can screw up your life with Zack, so there is no way in hell that you are ever gonna see him again!

Carmen

You can't stop me, 'cause I'm almost 16. I'm almost a woman. I can do whatever I want.

George

Not as long as you live in this house. Okay, if you don't like it here, go live somewhere else.

Angie

George, please calm down.

George

Look, I'm not gonna calm down, Angie! I'm tired of her disrespecting us! [to Carmen] Go see what it's like out there! Send us a postcard!

Angie

George!

George

And don't expect me to come looking for you!

Carmen

I wish you weren't my dad.