George Lopez quotes from George Lopez

George

Mom, this is important. You didn't teach me any of this stuff! All you told me was if a stranger comes up to you, start speaking Spanish. That didn't make me safe, that made me exotic!

George

Angie, this is ridiculous, what's he gonna learn from this, how to operate a VCR?

George

Come on Angie, you think that play helped Max? The only thing he's ready for is a tiny kid in a fake mustache who can't stop looking at the audience. He's not walking to school by himself.

George

A lot can happen in 4 blocks. He has no idea what's going on out there. He wasn't like me when I was a kid, Angie! He's totally sheltered. At least with me, I grew up in a rough neighborhood surrounded by criminals, I was lucky!

George

I was looking for food!

George

I don't care what Angie says. I don't think Max is ready to walk to school until he learns about the real world.

George

Yeah, I remember. No Green Eggs in Ham, no Cat in the Hat, just, "Nut kills 12", night night!

George

"Collect the money"? What is she, the mob?

George

This is gonorrhea! [Carmen squeezes her eyes shut and moans] Bet you're not glad now you talked me into getting that color printer. [to Angie] The red really pops.

George

Carmen, you are so grounded, coffee's gonna look at you and say "DAMN!"

George

Is your spirit so dumb it can't use the door?

George

(as Ward Cleaver, to Max) I'm not going to die. I eat red meat three times a day and smoke like a chimney just like the doctor says.

George

Last year, Max waited up for Santa. This year, he and his friends are going to wait on the roof and jack his sleigh. And God only knows what Carmen's going to do with the elves.

George

[to Benny] You behave yourself or else all I have to do is shove you outside, yell "WILD BOAR!" and wait for the shooting to start. Then I'll have you mounted so the high school football team can rub your snout for good luck

George

[to Benny] Just find the end of a pencil and hop on it, troll!