Linda quotes from George Lopez

Linda

[after finding out she was adopted] I woke up this morning and I was the only child of two loving, Italian parents. Now it's 11:00 p.m. and I'm a Mexican.

Linda

[to George] What are my real mother and father like?

George

Well, our father's easy. He ran out on Mom before you were born. I didn't know him, but I tracked him down last year. I punched him in the face, he asked me for a kidney and he died.

Linda

And my mother?

George

Oh, yeah. She's kind of hard to describe in just a few words. She's a short, bitter, drunk. Actually, that covers it.

George

Angie, there's something you need to know about your dad. Linda, he kissed our mommy. And I'm not talking about a peck on the cheek. I'm talking full-on mustache to mustache!

Linda

What?!

Angie

Daddy?

No, it was Ernie.

Ernie

Hey, hey. I only told because it wasn't fair, all right? The only reason George let him go out with Linda is because Vic paid him two thousand dollars!

George

Dude!

Angie

What?!

Linda

You pimped me out for two thousand dollars?!

George

Why you gotta say it like that, negative?