What's a period?
It's a bullet we dodge. Go get ready.
All S1
Characters
George LopezGeorge Lopez · 166 quotes
Angie LopezConstance Marie · 73 quotes
BLBenny LopezBelita Moreno · 45 quotes
Carmen LopezMasiela Lusha · 34 quotes
Max LopezLuis Armand Garcia · 20 quotes
Ernie CardenasValente Rodriguez · 16 quotes
Vic PalmeroEmiliano Díez · 9 quotes
JasonBryan Fisher · 5 quotes
MarisolTonantzin Esparza · 5 quotes
AdamJordan Masterson · 4 quotes
LindaEva LaRue · 3 quotes
RRickyJ.B. Gaynor · 3 quotes
WinnieMarietta DePrima · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: George Lopez & Angie Lopez (55), George Lopez & Benny Lopez (30), George Lopez & Carmen Lopez (25)
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[Carmen enters carrying frozen hot dogs under her arms]
Here are the hot dogs.
What are you doing?
[George takes the hot dogs]
Ow, my underarms burn. Your grandpa's old razor was so dull, it took me forever!
Didn't you change the blade?
No. Was I supposed to?
Sweetheart, that was the blade we used to shave Grandpa right before we put him in the coffin.
Oh, my God!
Carmen! That's why you don't lie to people.
[Carmen leaves relieved]
It wasn't a lie.
[to Duncan] Look, Where I come from, we weren't ever allowed in the room with a girl and I'm gonna tell you straight, I don't like it. And I want you to know I'm watching you. Even when you don't think I'm around. I'm watching you. When you're sleeping in your little race car bed. I'm watching you. Even if you start to think, "Hey! Maybe he's not watching me." I'm watching you. Pop quiz, what am I doing right now, Duncan?
DDuncan
Watching me, sir?
There you go! That wasn't so bad, was it?
Angie, do I look like a stupid man?
What?
Do I look like an idiot? Do I look like a moron? Do I look like a buffoon?
Hey, no-one's forcing you to go to SuperCuts.
George, if you expect a dog to bite you, you'll be happy if all he does is poop on your shoes.
CClaudia
George! There's a detective waiting for you in your office. Do you have any idea why?
No.
CClaudia
Look. Nobody is judging you. You are a good man, and you made a horrible mistake! You know maybe it was for love, maybe it was the drink, I don't know! Look! Seriously man just tell me what you did so I can help you. I will shred files, I will lie, I will do anything!
Okay, here's the plan. I'll go talk to the cop. You go back to your desk and pretend nothing's wrong, do some work. Okay? But don't pretend, actually do some work!
I don't know why they're making these kids do a play on staying away from strangers, that is a parent's job. I'll give you my play, "Everyone is Bad". Thank you, thank you.
Mom, this is important. You didn't teach me any of this stuff! All you told me was if a stranger comes up to you, start speaking Spanish. That didn't make me safe, that made me exotic!
Hey, I have a question.
TTeacher
Yes?
That sign outside, "No smoking", Is that just for the kids, or for everybody?
TTeacher
That's for everyone.
How long is the play?
TTeacher
Just under 20 minutes.
I'll catch it on Broadway.
Angie, this is ridiculous, what's he gonna learn from this, how to operate a VCR?
George, you know what my favorite part of the play was? When you walked up to the teacher afterwards and demanded your tax dollars back.
Come on Angie, you think that play helped Max? The only thing he's ready for is a tiny kid in a fake mustache who can't stop looking at the audience. He's not walking to school by himself.
George, It's only 4 blocks!
A lot can happen in 4 blocks. He has no idea what's going on out there. He wasn't like me when I was a kid, Angie! He's totally sheltered. At least with me, I grew up in a rough neighborhood surrounded by criminals, I was lucky!
I'll tell you your problem.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's George Lopez pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.