I'm sorry this romantic date didn't turn out quite as I had planned.
VVicky
Actually, it was fun. I hope you don't mind if I tell the viewers on Monday that you're a terrific dad.
S5Bachelor of the Month
S5Easy Rider
We're only gonna be gone 2-3 hours.
That's what Gilligan said.
Michelle, why would somebody call you a baby?
Cause I still need training wheels.
Oh honey, that's alright. Kids take off their training wheels at all different ages. I was even a little older than you.
Danny, you still had training wheels when you had your paper route.
Hi, Aunt Ida. Beautiful new do.
IAunt Ida
I was in the neighborhood. Turn your hat around. You look like a hoodlum.
S5Sisters in Crime
MManager
[to Stephanie and Michelle] Now, why in the world would Kimmy Gibbler tell you you're the 1,000,000th customer? We've only been open a week.
Well, sir, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you've hired a nutcase.
Okay, we're going to the movies. Put on your coats and act adorable.
I cannot leave this house. Dad said.
Well, Dad's not here. I'm in charge. That makes me Dad.
Until the real Dad comes back and makes you grounded.
[After DJ, Stephanie and Michelle are grounded]
Does this mean no "Little Sea Lion"?
No "Little Sea Lion."
That's the second time I missed them today.
S5Play It Again, Jess
[about the twins] What if they do something cute? What if they learn to talk?
I'll have them call you.
Oh, no! I got mustard all over D.J.'s sweater!
She's gonna have a cow.
Tell me something I don't know.
Yesterday, I dropped your toothbrush in the toilet.
Jess, I make more than enough money to support this family.
Yeah? Thanks for reminding me.
What, you have a problem with me making a decent living?
No, I have a problem with me not making a decent living.
Oh, I get it. This is all about you and your macho pride.
What pride? I don't have any pride! I'm gonna go get some pride. Say good-bye to "Mr. Donaldson!" [leaves the house]
S5Crushed
Am I the raddest, baddest dad a kid ever had?
You were until you said that.
Where's Tommy Page? Tell him his love slave is ready to fulfill his every wish.
D.J., why did you tell Kimmy?
Because I tell Kimmy everything.
Okay, then tell her to go home.
You know what I just realized? I am sitting here talking to my little sister about boys and relationships. Steph, you're really growing up.
I must be, because ever since I turned 10, life got so complicated.
S5Spellbound
DDavey
Stephanie, I'm sorry. I gotta go home for dinner.
Hey, if you quit, you forfeit, Chu-meister. Dad, next word, please.
This is gonna be the last word. "Sarsaparilla".
Sarsaparilla. S-A-S-P-A-R-I-L-L-A. Sarsaparilla.
I'm sorry, Steph.
Why?
DDavey
Because it's: Sarsaparilla. S-A-R-S-A-P-A-R-I-L-L-A. Sarsaparilla.
(looks it up) Man, that's right. You really are the human dictionary.
Now, there's a silent "R"? I hate this language!
[Danny teaches Michelle to read using his own method]
"A" is for Ajax, "B" is for Brillo, "C" is for Clorox, "D" is for Drano.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Full House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.