Stephanie Tanner quotes from Full House

Stephanie

(after Danny, Jesse and Joey have cleaned the house) Grandma Irene, does this mean hell is freezing over?

Stephanie

That's grandma, we gotta buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz off!

Stephanie

[about Jesse] What a guy, huh?

Stephanie

Daddy, take it easy. You’re hugging other people’s kids.

Stephanie

Don't get me in trouble. Hide the tail!

Stephanie

And I should never get any allowance or presents ever again. And you should send me away to carpenter school, so I can build you a brand-new house that you can live in without me. And you'd never have to hug or kiss me again.

D.J.

Rule #1, you never touch my stuff. You should be taking notes. Rule #2, you never set foot on my half of the room.

Stephanie

How do I get outta here?

D.J.

Easy, you jump out the window and climb down the tree.

Stephanie

I don't think so.

D.J.

Suit yourself.

Stephanie

I'll find a way out.

Stephanie

Okay. Once upon a time, there was a pretty girl named Cinderella. Daddy.

Danny

And, uh, Cinderella wanted to go to this big fancy ball. And on the way, she wandered into this cabin... and she fell asleep in Papa Bear's bed.

Stephanie

I don't think so.

Danny

No, wait, honey. It gets better. So... she's on the bed, she's out like a light when all of a sudden...

Stephanie

(makes a time's-up buzzer sound) Joey.

Joey

Um... when Cinderella woke up, she was real thirsty... so she went to 7-Eleven for a Slurpee, where she ran into Bullwinkle. So Bullwinkle says, "Hello, Cinderella. Would you like to come to the ball with me? Not only am I a great dancer, but you can hang your coat on my antlers." Kids love this stuff. So...

D.J.

(she makes a buzzer sound) Uncle Jesse!

Jesse

So Cinderella, Bullwinkle. They get married, right? The go on The Newlywed Game, and they win a grand prize selected especially for them. Good night.

Stephanie

(buzzer sound again) Daddy.

Danny

Until... the Big Bad Wolf came over. And he said, "Open up... or I'll huff and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down. And I can do it too, because as we all know... wolves have an amazing lung capacity."

Stephanie

(buzzer sound) Joey!

Joey

So--

D.J.

(buzzer sound) Uncle Jesse!

Jesse

So the wolf, the moose, the babe... They all fell in love, right? They moved to Sweden, where the people are a lot more cool about that sort of thing... and that's the end of the story. Goodnight and goodbye.

D.J.

No monsters, no witches... but that story was very scary.

(as they pass by) Hi, Uncle Jesse.

Jesse

Goodnight, girls. (now realizing what they're up to) Girls. (as he runs after them) You're supposed to be in bed. Girls! Whoa, whoa, whoa! (as they take ice cream out of the freezer) Girls, girls! Aren't you supposed to be in bed, dreaming about Tweety Bird, or Big Bird, or Larry Bird or somethin'?

D.J.

Uncle Jesse, if we get hungry, Dad always makes sure we have a late-night snack.

Stephanie

We're gonna have ice cream sundaes and chocolate milk.

D.J.

And cookies.

Jesse

Freeze, chick. Alright. I know. I'm pretty hip, here. You guys think I'm a-I'm an idiot or something? (the girls look at each other and Stephanie makes a funny faces and shrugs) Let me tell you something. I know what's going on here. Your dad's gone, and it's "Let's take advantage of the babysitter" time. Well, I got news for you, girls. Your Uncle Jesse's a little too sharp to be taken on that kinda ride. Now you can have ice cream and chocolate milk, no cookies.

Stephanie

Yay!

D.J.

(covers Stephanie's mouth) Okay.

Jesse

Alright, girls. Listen here, now. It's almost midnight. You guys listen to two, three songs max. You eat your pie, then straight to bed, no nonsense.

Stephanie

Boy are you strict!

D.J.

Two bowls of ice cream sure gives you a lot of pep, huh?

Stephanie

Does pep mean you can’t blink?

D.J.

That's pep. (hearing music from downstairs) Party time.

Danny

D.J., Stephanie, please come over here right now. Girls, we have a problem with Uncle Jesse.

D.J.

Oh, no, Dad, we didn't have any problems with Uncle Jesse at all.

Danny

I'm sorry. He was just so irresponsible. (looking under the table not realizing it's their fault) What is this? Uh-oh. Empty bowls and empty cartons. (sarcastically) Oh, now I see what happened. (not realizing that D.J. and Stephanie actually ate the ice cream sundaes and drank the chocolate milk) Uncle Jesse forced ice cream sundaes and chocolate milk down your throats -- and then he hid the evidence under your table. Oh, the sick fiend. He probably ignored you when you told him no sweets after bedtime, huh?

D.J.

Probably.

Danny

No "probably" about it, because otherwise, you'd be lying. And you know better than that, don't you?

Stephanie

Probably.

Danny

(still not realizing what D.J. and Stephanie did, but is still afraid they're fibbing) Well, that does it. I guess asking Uncle Jesse to move in here was a big mistake. In fact, this may be a matter for the police. Now, sweet dreams, my perfect little angels.

Stephanie

Daddy! We were bad.

D.J.

We did everything. We even ordered the pizza. We should go and apologize to Uncle Jesse.

Danny

You're right. You go first.

Stephanie

Okay, wanna listen to the pledge? I pledge allegiance to the flag of some states of America.

D.J.

Let me tuck you in, very tight.

Stephanie

And to the public which understands, with God, and Liberty... I'm dead meat!

Danny

Steph, don’t you want to go to school and be smart?

Stephanie

I’ll stay home and watch public television.

Jesse

Come on, Steph, spill your guts. Why don't you wanna go to school?

Stephanie

Because I don't know anybody. I'll be all alone, it'll be real scary, I won't know anybody. And I won't have any friends.

Danny

Oh. But Steph, you're gonna make friends. I promise. You and I, we're gonna go down there together. And Daddy's not gonna leave 'til everything's alright.

Danny

Hold on, Steph, I'm gonna call the cable company.

Stephanie

You'll get a busy signal....fix it!