JesseSteve... Steve, Steve-o. I can't help but notice that you walk like you still have the hanger in your shirt.
Jesse
You're welcome. Steve, I'd like to help you because, uh, quite frankly, you need help. See, when you're walking, you gotta kinda be loose, man, like let it be cool. (starts to slowly bounce) That's it. Loosen up, be very fluid. Be very fluid-y. That's it! Now... once you get it going, you shift the weight and you go. (starts walking) And it's a strut, and it's cool, and it's a strut, and it's cool. See? Like that?
Very inspiring. (tries to walk, but instead of a strut, he walks sideways on his toes bouncing highly)
Jesse
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, uh, that's close.
Really? Well, oh. Well, that was a walk on the wild side. But, you should try it with your elbows out. It's much better for circulation.
Jesse
Oh, really? Like this? (sticks elbow out)
Yeah. (Jesse starts to walk) You're doing fine!
Jesse
You, know? I do feel the blood flowing better.
Jesse
It's very - WHAT AM I DOING?
Well, here's another fun way to kill time. Let's share life stories. I'll go first. I was born on a cold night in Chicago, 1976, the year of America's bicenntinal. My mom was in a great deal of pain and I was charging through! And -
Jesse
Uh, I think I hear the girls in the kitchen. Why, don't you just go and... yeah. Right in the kitchen area.
Thanks! [enters the kitchen] Oh, ladies?
[he, D.J., and Julie shout inside the kitchen]
[in an airplane, we see Jesse and Joey...]
Jess, you're totally out of your mind.
Jesse
I know. I said I'd never get in a plane with you.
No, I'm talking about skydiving. It's crazy.
Jesse
People say it's the ultimate rush. I took all the lessons, but I never jumped because it was too windy. Joseph, I gotta have this one last adventure before I get married.
Do you have to do this on your wedding day?
Jesse
This is the last hour of my life as a single guy. Pretty soon, I'm gonna be married, I'm gonna have a family with all the responsibilities. I mean, what am I gonna do then? Jump out of a station wagon?
Well, you could. Your chute might not open in time.
Jesse
Joey, look. I have to do this one last crazy thing before I give it all up for the woman that I love.
Isn't flying with me crazy enough?
Jesse
No.
How about when I do this?
[Joey makes a looping while Jesse screams]
Jesse
Don't do that! [he hits Joey in the head] I got this all planned out. I stashed my Harley, I got my tux on. I do the jump, hop on my Harley, cruise to the chapel, and have just enough time to re-mousse my hair and say "I do."
Great plan. Can I make one little suggestion?
Jesse
What?
Jesse
Joey, this is just something I have to do for myself, alright?
Alright. Have a safe trip. Good luck, buddy.
Jesse
Thanks, pal.
[Jesse goes to the open plane door and puts on his helmet]
Jesse
Oh, and Joseph? If anything goes wrong... I want you to marry Becky.
[he looks out of the door, into the depth]
Jesse
Whoa!
[he takes a deep breath and jumps]
Jesse
Have mercy!
Oh my god! He jumped without his... mousse!
Jesse
Did I forget my mousse?
[we find Jesse still stuck in the tree]
Jesse
Hey! Help! Help me! [sees a large truck of tomatoes] Hey, you with the tomato truck, stop! I'm up in the tree, up here!
[a red-haired man in overalls named Farmer Bob exits the truck]
FBFarmer Bob
Hey, whatcha doin' up there, fella?
Jesse
Oh, just enjoying the view. What do you think I'm doing? Can you help me down, please?
FBFarmer Bob
Well, yeah. Sure. I'll tell you what, I'll go get Old Man Hudson's cherry picker.
Jesse
Alright. Well, hurry up. I was supposed to be at my wedding ten minutes ago, thanks.
FBFarmer Bob
Well, I imagine we'll have you down in two, three hours tops. Now don't you go anywhere.
Jesse
What?! I can't wait that long! [he tries to shake himself loose. the parachute breaks] Mercy!
[lands in the back of the tomato truck]
FBFarmer Bob
What are you doing? Those are my prized tomatoes you just squashed.
[Jesse spits out some seeds from one of the tomatoes]
Jesse
Well, they're not tomatoes anymore, they're ketchup. I just cut out the middleman.
FBFarmer Bob
Is that-is that some sort of tomato joke? You better watch your mouth, boy. This here's Tomato Country.
Jesse
I have nothing but the highest regards for tomatoes and the men and women that do grow them. But I need a ride to San Fransisco right now.
FBFarmer Bob
I don't give rides to tomato-squashers.
Jesse
Hey, Red. This is my life we're talking about, okay? Not some dumb vegetable.
FBFarmer Bob
It's a fruit.
Jesse
Fruit, vegetable... Look, the point is, I like you, Red, and-and I like tomatoes, a lot, believe me. And I like your red hair, and you know what? I like your truck. And I'm gonna borrow it, and I'll get it right back to you.
[gets in the truck and closes the door]
FBFarmer Bob
Hey, get back here! Open that door! [Jesse starts the engine] Hey, hold it! [a police car drives up to the scene] Cousin Harold. [the officer gets out of the car] Cousin Harold, that boy just smashed every one of my tomatoes!
HOfficer Harold
Smashed your tomatoes?
FBFarmer Bob
Yeah, he's trespassing on my property, and now he's trying to steal my truck!
HOfficer Harold
[walks to the truck with a megaphone] Get out of that truck! Put your hands up! Now!
[Jesse exits the truck]
Jesse
Hi, guys. Listen, you guys are making a big mistake here. Look, I'm just... I'm late for my wedding. See, look at this, I've got my tux on and everything. See?
HOfficer Harold
Well, here's a bracelet to go with it.
[slaps the cuffs on Jesse]
Jesse
Wait a minute, guys. Guys, you're making a big mistake here.
HOfficer Harold
No, you made the mistake.
FBFarmer Bob
[megaphone] Do you know where you landed?
Jesse
Tomato Country?
[to Jesse] I'm gonna miss you.
Jesse
I'm gonna miss you too, pal. But we have to put on our bravest faces now. So let me see your brave face. Can you smile for me? [Michelle forces a small smile] That a girl. All right, now that we've got this whole bravery thing down, I want you to give me the biggest, most gigantic, most greatest hug you ever gave me in the whole entire world. Ready? Go! Hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug! [they hug and kiss, Jesse settles Michelle on his lap] That a girl.
This is a good-bye present.
Jesse
Michelle, it's your pig. Are you sure?
Jesse
Well, in that case, here. I want you to have this. This is my pink bunny. I want you to put it up on the wall, and whenever you look at it, you can think of me, okay?
Jesse
[kisses Michelle and sets her down on the bed; gets up to leave and looks back at her] Good-bye, Michelle.
[He leaves Michelle's room; they both cry silently]
[Rebecca is trying to break the news of her pregnancy to Jesse via "Win, Lose, or Draw" by drawing a picture of a baby in a blanket]
Jesse
She's having... a hot dog!
Jesse
Well, what? It's clearly a bun with a weenie sticking out with a happy face.
No, Jess. It's not "She's having a hot dog", it's "She's having a baby", and the "she" is me! I'm having a baby!!
Jesse
This is my one shot at a record deal.
But you're my partner in the balloon race.
Jesse
Well, get another partner.
Jesse
Michelle, I can't.
Jesse
Michelle, I have to write my song.
Jesse
Well, then I'm gonna break my promise! I'm not going to the stupid picnic! So leave me alone! [walks out]
Uncle Jesse yelled at me.
Oh, Michelle, I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it. Come on, we're still gonna have fun at the family picnic.
Uncle Jesse's not nice anymore.
Jesse
See, I've got twins coming. And I want them to be proud of their old man, you know? I want them to be able to see platinum records on the wall.
GIGuy in Bar
Babies don't care about platinum records. They care that someone's there to love them, to hug and kiss them. Shame on you for snapping at your family like that, and over a picnic?
Jesse
Yeah, well, it's worse than that. I ended up breaking a promise to my 4-year-old niece.
GIGuy in Bar
I really wish you hadn't told me that. You want to be a success? Start by being a good husband. A good uncle, a good friend. After that, the rest is just gravy.
Full House · 231 quotes
