Steve Hale quotes from Full House

Steve

[after he and D.J. threw the missing bikes safely out the window] Hey, Mr. Tanner, look. I hope you weren't too attached to that big ceramic planter.

Jesse

Steve... Steve, Steve-o. I can't help but notice that you walk like you still have the hanger in your shirt.

Steve

Oh, well, thank you.

Jesse

You're welcome. Steve, I'd like to help you because, uh, quite frankly, you need help. See, when you're walking, you gotta kinda be loose, man, like let it be cool. (starts to slowly bounce) That's it. Loosen up, be very fluid. Be very fluid-y. That's it! Now... once you get it going, you shift the weight and you go. (starts walking) And it's a strut, and it's cool, and it's a strut, and it's cool. See? Like that?

Steve

Very inspiring. (tries to walk, but instead of a strut, he walks sideways on his toes bouncing highly)

Jesse

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, uh, that's close.

Steve

Really? Well, oh. Well, that was a walk on the wild side. But, you should try it with your elbows out. It's much better for circulation.

Jesse

Oh, really? Like this? (sticks elbow out)

Steve

Yeah. (Jesse starts to walk) You're doing fine!

Jesse

You, know? I do feel the blood flowing better.

Steve

Yeah.

Jesse

It's very - WHAT AM I DOING?

Steve

Well, here's another fun way to kill time. Let's share life stories. I'll go first. I was born on a cold night in Chicago, 1976, the year of America's bicenntinal. My mom was in a great deal of pain and I was charging through! And -

Jesse

Uh, I think I hear the girls in the kitchen. Why, don't you just go and... yeah. Right in the kitchen area.

Steve

Thanks! [enters the kitchen] Oh, ladies?

Steve

Hey, Mr. Tanner, look at this. Little Ruth Bell went in to get her first library card. Some goon nabbed her bike. Says here she lost her zest for reading.

Danny

She's zestless?

D.J.

Yeah. [shows a mediocre sketch of Jesse on another flier] And look at this guy who took Davey Schultz's bike. He looks exactly like Uncle...

Danny

Uncle Seymour! Yes. That looks exactly like Uncle Seymour. And if he weren't a priest in Athens, he would be a suspect. Yes, he would.