TV show quotes
Why would I kiss a girl and then put her on your bed?
Well, then, who was on my bed?
Oh! Oh! Oh!
[pause, then it hits] No! No! No!
Yes!
You were under the pile of coats?
I was the pile of coats!
Oh my...!
You were my midnight mystery kisser?
You were my first kiss with Rachel?
You were my first kiss ever?
What did I marry into?
[When he finds out he won't be in the wedding] I can't believe this it's like figure skating team all over again. I mean synchronized swimming, I mean the balance beam - help me!
Football!
Thank you!
Well, if Phoebe's choosing, then say hello to Mike's next groomsman.
Oh, I will! But I will need a mirror... as he is me!
I know. I hate being left out of things.
I know. And it's a wedding. It'll be weird if I'm not in it.
[Phoebe takes off her coat while getting ready to get married]:
Aren't you going to be cold?
No, I'll be my something blue.
And... moment's over! [Rachel, Joey and Chandler all turn and look disapprovingly towards Monica but she just shrugs it off] So, ok, uh, I can forget that. I can forget that and uhm... [She's flipping cards, skipping half of them] Oh this is funny! Oh, but you need to know that to... that, to... Oh, ok, well, uhm, I [Monica is miming CUT] Ok, ok, I, ok, I.... [Yells at Monica]MONICA I CAN'T DO IT LIKE THIS! THIS IS MY WEDDING! OKAY, I DON'T WANT THIS [she mimes Monica's when she was twirling her hands] OR THIS [She taps her watch] OR THIS [she mimes CUT] OK? I JUST WANTED A SIMPLE WEDDING! WHERE MY FIANCEE CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM ANYTIME HE WANTS! [Pause] You know what? You're done.
What?
YOU'RE FIRED! [Pause and she raises her glass] Cheers!
Uh-huh, but I'm sure you can handle this. I mean, I have won awards for my organizational skills, but, uh, I'm sure you'll do fine.
You won awards?
Mm-mh. I printed them out on my computer.
[to Phoebe] OK, it's 2100 hours. Time for your toast.
Do I have a minute to go to the bathroom?
You had a bathroom break at 2030; pee on your own time, Mike... Now, in regard to the toast - OK, you wanna keep them short; nothing kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches. OK, you just get in, do your thing and get out.
Is that what you say to Chandler?
In the future, when a girl asks for some ill-advised sympathy sex, just do it!
You're mad at me about last night? I was trying to do the right thing!
Really? Well, if you had done the right thing, I would not have woken up today feeling stupid and embarrassed. I would have woken up feeling comforted and satisfied!
Well...
Stop that!!
I can't believe this! I was being a good guy! I treated you with respect and understanding!
[sarcastically] That's so hot!
I was looking out for you!
I am a big girl! I don't need someone telling what's best for me!
I've got to say, I've not had sex a lot of times before; this is the worst ever!
It wasn't very good for me, either!
Joey [Pheobe has walked out on trying to teach Joey French. When he comes in he says] Poooo
[to the nurse] Excuse me, I'm here to see my father. My name is Rachel Green.
And I'm Dr. Ross Geller.
[turns to face Ross] Ross, please. This is a hospital, OK? That actually means something here.
As of today, my name is Princess Consuela Bananahammock.
I thought you had to just make your name Phoebe Buffay-Hannigan!
I can change it to anything I want.
Well, if you can, I can. My name is Crap Bag.
Will you please be Mike Hannigan again?
Only if you'll be Phoebe Buffay.
How about 'Buffay-Hannigan'?
Really?
Yeah. Phoebe Buffay-Hannigan-Bananahammock!
Do you know what a bananahammock is?
It's a funny word!
It's a speedo!
[pauses] Oh crap!
[to Rachel] So, if you take this job you'll be moving to Paris?
Or facing a bitch of a commute.
Will we love it so much with her next door? And she's gonna be louder out here too. Just the crickets and [imitates Janice's voice] "Oh... My... God"!
If we don't get this house, she's still going to show up wherever we go! At least if she's here, it eliminates the element of surprise. Never again will you have to hear the three words that make your balls jump back up inside your body!
I don't get a goodbye?
What?
Everyone gets a goodbye but me? What've I got to do to get a goodbye? Be best friends with you? Go out with you? Have a baby with you? Oh wait a minute, wait a minute, I did all those things!
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