Monica Geller quotes from Friends

Monica

Chandler, do you think we talk about our relationship enough?

Chandler

Yeah. Do we have any Fruit Roll Ups?

Monica

Aren't you dressed yet ?

Chandler

Am I naked again ?

Monica

Please, stop freaking out.

Chandler

I'm not freaking out. Why would I be freaking out? A woman named Heldi called and said we were getting married, but that happens everyday.

Monica

Honey, we were at this beautiful place, and I-I-I just put our names down for fun! I mean, what's the harm in that?

Chandler

Right here!

Monica

Chandler, please don't think I was trying to pressure you. Phoebe and Rachel...

Chandler

Phoebe and Rachel! So the people that knew about our wedding before me were you, Phoebe and Rachel, Heldi, and apparently some band called Starlight Magic 7 who are available by the way!

Monica

It was a mistake. Please don't take this to mean anything, because it doesn't.

Chandler

Okay.

Monica

Really?

Chandler

Yes, if it really doesn't mean anything, because you know that I'm just not ready...

Monica

I know! I know.

Chandler

Okay.

Monica

I'm gonna go tell Joey that... that you're back. I was really worried about you.

Phoebe

Hey, did she buy it?

Chandler

Totally.

Phoebe

So did Heldi show you the place?

Chandler

Yeah, it's beautiful.

Phoebe

I can't believe you're gonna ask Monica to marry you!

Chandler

[smiling] I know.

Monica

I know of two surefire ways to shut a man up. And one of them is sex.

Rachel

What's the other one?

Monica

I don't know. I've never had to use the other one.

Monica

[referring to Ross' relationship with the much younger Elizabeth] Now, all jokes aside. Ross, where is this relationship going?

Chandler

Wait a minute. All jokes aside? I didn't agree to that.

I see you grew your hair long.

Monica

Yeah. Oh, that's right, you always wanted me to. I see you grew your mustache back.

Yeah, my nose was getting lonely.

Chandler

[to Richard's date] And you don't have a mustache, which is good. [laughs, stops abruptly and extends his hand] Hi, I'm Chandler and I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable.

Monica

You wanted it to be a surprise.

Chandler

Oh my...

Monica

Chandler... in all my life I never thought I'd be so lucky as to fall in love with my best -- my best -- There's a reason why girls don't do this!

Chandler

Okay, okay, I'll do it. I thought: wait, I can do this. I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that is that you -- you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. And if you let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Monica, will you marry me?

Monica

Yes! I knew you were likely to take a wife!

Joey

Can we come in yet? We're dying out here!

Monica

Come in! Come in! We're engaged!

Joey

Yeah, you are!

Rachel

Oh, no honey -- we weren't trying to steal your thunder, honest. No one was meant to see!

Monica

Right, now I get it. That's why you two were kissing in the secret hallway where nobody ever goes!

Rachel

What happened at dinner?

Monica

My parents spent the money for our wedding.

Phoebe

My...what did you order?

Monica

I've been thinking - it's not right for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding; you worked hard for that.

Chandler

I thought about it, too - and when I proposed, I said I would do anything to make you happy. And if having the perfect wedding will make you happy, then that's what we'll do.

Monica

But what about the future and stuff?

Chandler

Forget about the future and stuff. So we'll only have two kids; we'll pick our favorite, and that one will get to go to college.

Monica

You thought about that?

Chandler

Yeah.

Monica

How many kids were we going to have?

Chandler

Four - a boy, twin girls, and another boy.

Monica

What else do you think about?

Chandler

Stuff like where we'd live - like a small place outside the city where our kids can learn to ride their bikes and stuff, and we'd have a cat with a bell on its collar, and we can hear it every time it ran through the kitty door. Then we'd have an apartment over the garage where Joey can grow old.

Monica

I don't want a big fancy wedding anymore.

Chandler

Sure you do.

Monica

No - I want everything you just said; I want a marriage.

Ross

[quietly to Chandler] How could you tell her?!

Chandler

I had to! We're getting married! Couples can't keep secrets from one another!

Ross

Well, I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City!

Chandler

DU-UUUDE!!

Monica

What happened in Atlantic City?

Ross

Chandler and I are in a bar...

Chandler

Did you not hear me say DU-UUUDE?!

Ross

...and this girl is making eyes at him. After a while he goes over to her, and a minute later I see them kissing. Now you're thinking, "Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls!" And you're right, he's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls! [widens his eyes]

Monica

You kissed a guy?!

Chandler

In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy!

Ross

I laughed so hard...

Chandler

...that we had to throw out your underwear again?!

Ross

Whatever, dude! You kissed a guy!

Chandler

In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers!

Ross

Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and won!

Chandler

Ross came in fourth and cried!

Ross

Hey!! I welled up!

Ross

You find that funny? Maybe Chandler should know some of your secrets!

Monica

I already told him everything! You shush!

Ross

Once, Monica was sent to her room without dinner, so she ate the macaroni off a jewellery box she made!

Monica

Ross used to stay home every Saturday night to watch Golden Girls!

Ross

Monica couldn't tell time till she was 13!

Monica

It's hard for some people!!

Chandler

Of course it is! [secretly backs off and mouths 'whoa']

Monica

Chandler once wore my underwear to work!

Chandler

HEY!!

Monica

I'm sorry! I couldn't think of any more for Ross!

Ross

In college, Chandler got drunk and slept with the lady who cleaned our dorm!

Chandler

That was you!

Ross

Whatever, dude! You kissed a guy!

Chandler

So uh, what did this woman look like?

Monica

She was like 30, dark hair, attractive.

Chandler

Well, is there any chance you were looking into a bright, shiny thing called a mirror?

Monica

Come on, was it somebody maybe you dated in college?

Chandler

No, no I only dated two girls in college, both blonde, both not attractive… [Thinks a little while.] Hold on one second; let me check this out. [He gets up and grabs a photo album]

Monica

What are you doing?

Chandler

Well, let's see... [Finding the picture he wants] Okay uh, is that her? [Points to the picture]

Monica

Oh my God yes! Who is she?

Chandler

Julie Grath, my camp girlfriend.

Monica

Did you break up with her?

Chandler

[pause] No, we're still together. Yeah we went out for two summers, and then I broke up with her.

Monica

Why?

Chandler

Well, ‘cause she came back the third summer and she’d gotten really fa-aa-aw-ow…

Monica

Fat?!

Chandler

I did not say fat! I said, "Fa-aa-aw-ow…"

Monica

: You broke up with a girl because she was fat?!

Chandler

Yeah. Yeah, but it was a really, really long time ago! Does she still feel bad?

Monica

Well, apparently she does.

Chandler

Well, you know what they say, elephants never forget. [Monica is not amused by that statement] Seriously, good luck marrying me.

Joey

[watching a discussion between Monica and a neighbor] Hey Chandler, do we know that lady?

Chandler

Maybe. Isn't she the woman who lives below you and has sex really loud?

Monica

[still talking to the woman] All right, I'll do it just this once! But you can't tell anybody!

[exasperated] Yes! Yes! Please, just give it to me!

Yeah, that's her.

Monica

Ross! My neighbors ate all my candy!

Ross

Mine stole my newspaper! It's like a crime wave!