Monica Geller quotes from Friends

[entering] Hey, you guys! Hey, Ross, quick question for ya. Are you ready to party?

I don’t know, I could maybe go out for a couple of beers, but there’s this thing about bumblebees on The Discovery Channel that I was planning to watch.

No-no, I don’t think you heard me. Are you ready to party?!

Nooo!! Gandalf?! Gandalf is coming to town?

Kathy’s with her parents, I have nothing to do, so tomorrow we are partying with Gandalf dude!

Dude, we are sooo gonna party!

Wow! Okay, dude alert! And who is this guy?

Mike "Gandalf" Ganderson, only like the funnest guy in the world.

I’m gonna call and get off work tomorrow!

I’m gonna call after you!

This is gonna be soo cool, dude, we never party anymore!

CRChandler and Ross

Woooo!!!

Monica

All right, were you guys smoking something in the back of our van?

Really. And what do you mean you never have fun anymore? You have fun with me, remember that time we saw those strippers and you paid me 50 bucks to eat that book?

Joey, you are gonna love this guy. Gandalf is like the party wizard!

Well, why do you call him Gandalf?

Gandalf the wizard. [Joey is still confused] Hello! Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school?

No, I had sex in high school.

S4 E9 The One Where They're Going to Party

View quote →

Monica

I got offered the head chef job at Allessandro's.

What?

Monica

It's OK, 'cause you know what, if you think about it you don't really need me for the business.

You're the cook! Without you it's just me driving up to people's houses with empty trays and asking for money!

S4 E9 The One Where They're Going to Party

View quote →

Monica

[to Chandler] All right, I'm gonna show you something a lot of guys don't know. Rach, hand me that pad please.[starts to draw]

Well, you don't have to draw an actual woma-- whoa, she's hot.

Monica

Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones, you got one, two, three... four... five... six and seven.

There are seven?

Let me see that. Oh. Yep.

[points] That's one?

Monica

Kind of an important one.

Oh, you know what? I was looking at it upside down.

Well, you know, sometimes that helps. [Chandler gapes.]

Monica

All right. Now most guys will hit one, two, three and then go to seven and set up camp.

And that's bad?

Well, if you go to Disneyland, you don't spend the whole day on the Matterhorn.

Well, you might, if it were anything like seven.

Monica

All right. Uh, the important thing is to take your time. You want to hit them all and you want to mix them up. Keep them on their toes.

Oooooo, toes! [Chandler stares.] For some people!

Monica

All right. You could start out with a little one, a two, a one two three, a three, a five, a four, a three two, two, a two four six, a two four six, four, two, two, four seven, five seven, six seven, [starts shouting] seven. Seven seven SEVEN SEVEN SEVEN SEVEN SEVEN SEVEN [leans back in ecstasy with eyes closed and holds up the number seven]... And there you are.

Yeah, that'll work.

[They stand up awkwardly. Rachel and Monica go in their rooms. Chandler goes into the bathroom. They all shut their doors.]

S4 E11 The One with Phoebe's Uterus

View quote →

[Ross begins the lightning round with questions for Joey and Chandler]

What was Monica's nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?

Big Fat Goalie.

Correct. [A stung Monica reacts] Rachel claims this is her favourite movie.

Dangerous Liaisons.

Correct. Her actual favourite is-

Weekend at Bernie's!

Correct. [Rachel gasps] In which part of her body did Monica get a pencil stuck at age 14? [Chandler thinks, then whispers in Ross's ear] Eww, no!! [Monica winces] Her ear! Monica categorises her towels. How many categories are there?

Everyday-use.

Fancy.

Guest.

Fancy Guest.

Two seconds.

Eleven?!

[clicking time]Eleven. Unbelievable. Eleven is correct. All right, that's four for the guys. Ladies, you're up. [The teams trade places, doing the double-fist bumps to each other] Thirty seconds on the clock. Five correct questions wins the game. The lightning round begins...now. What is Joey's favorite food?

Monica

Sandwiches.

Correct. Chandler was how old when he first touched a girl's breast?

Fourteen?

No, nineteen.

Thanks, man.

Joey had an imaginary childhood friend. His name was...

Monica

Maurice.

Correct. His profession was...

Space cowboy.

Correct! What is Chandler Bing's job?

Oh, gosh! Does it have something to do with numbers?

Monica

And processing.

And he carries a briefcase.

Ten seconds. You need this or you lose the game.

Monica

It has something to do with transponding.

Oh, oh! He's a transponds...transponster!

Monica

That's not even a word! I can get this! I can get this... [Ross clicks time--they've lost the apartment] NO!!!

S4 E12 The One with the Embryos

View quote →

Hey look, a new Playboy.

Monica

Yeah, it's just something I picked up.

Cookies and porn? You're the best mom ever!

S4 E13 The One with Rachel's Crush

View quote →

Oh!

Monica

What?

It kicked! I think the baby kicked!

Monica

Oh, my...!

Oh, no, wait. Oh, no, the elastic on my underwear busted.

S4 E14 The One with Joey's Dirty Day

View quote →

Where are the guys? I'm ready to get drunk and see some strippers.

Monica

It's 9:30 in the morning!

They got a breakfast buffet.

S4 E14 The One with Joey's Dirty Day

View quote →

[talking about Chandler being depressed after breaking up with Kathy] Don't worry. He's still in his sweats. That's phase one! Don't worry... I'll be back for phase two.

Monica

What's phase two?

Getting drunk and going to the strip club!

S4 E14 The One with Joey's Dirty Day

View quote →

Monica

Joe, Let me ask you question. what does this light switch exactly do ?

Nothing

Monica

Did it drive you crazy to not know ?

I know what it did.. Nothing

S4 E15 The One with All the Rugby

View quote →

Monica

This isn't even my dress.

Well at least you didn't rent yours from a store called "It's Not Too Late"!

S4 E20 The One with All the Wedding Dresses

View quote →

Drive Phoebe to hospital if she goes into labor.

Monica

You don't have a car.. And your license expired .

[Cries] There's so much to do and I have so less time .

S4 E21 The One with the Invitation

View quote →

Monica

Guys, hurry up. The flight leaves in four hours. It could take time to get a taxi. There could be traffic. The plane could leave early. When we get to London, there could be a line at customs. Come on!

6-hour trip to London. That's a lot of Monica.

S4 E23 The One with Ross's Wedding: Part 1

View quote →

[storming into Chandler's room] I'm getting married today!!! Whoo-hoo!!!

[covered up in bed] Morning, Ross.

I'm getting married to...day!!!

Yeah, you are.

[leaving the room] Whoo-hoo!!!

Monica

[popping head out from under Chandler's covers] Do you think he knew I was here?

S4 E24 The One with Ross's Wedding: Part 2

View quote →

Phoebe, you were right. I should've never gone to London, and from now on you make all of my decisions for me.

Oh, no. I did that for someone once. I'm not comfortable having that kind of power and control over someone's life.

Monica

I'll do it!

S5 E2 The One with All the Kissing

View quote →