Ross Geller quotes from Friends

I, Ross...

Ross

I, Ross...

... take thee, Emily...

Ross

... take thee, Rachel...

Rachel

No, you're not an idiot, Ross. You're a guy very much in love.

Ross

Same difference.

Ross

I'm just going to wander around in the rain.

Rachel

Uhh... it's not raining.

Ross

I can't catch a break!

Ross

Okay, then. Here we go. Magic 8-Ball, should I never see Rachel again? "Ask again later." Later is not good enough! "Ask again later." What the hell! This is broken! It... it is broken!

Monica

All right, let me see. Will Chandler have sex tonight? "Don't count on it." Seems like it works to me.

Monica

So basically, this is a getting-rid-of-everything-Rachel-ever-used sale.

Ross

Touched, used, sat on, slept on.

Gunther

I'll take it all.

Ross

Someone at work ate my sandwich!

Chandler

Well, what did the police say?

Ross

My Thanksgiving leftover sandwich! I can't believe someone ate it!

Chandler

It's just a sandwich!

Ross

Just a sandwich? I'm 30 years old, I'm going to be divorced twice and I just got evicted! That sandwich was the only good thing going on in my life! SOMEONE ATE THE ONLY GOOD THING GOING ON IN MY LIFE! [pauses]

Monica

I have enough stuff for one more sandwich. I was going to eat it myself, but...

Ross

That would be incredible! Thank you so much! I still can't believe someone ate it!! I left a note!

Chandler

[reading the note] "Knock-knock." "Who's there?" "Ross Geller's lunch." "'Ross Geller's lunch' who?" "Ross Geller's lunch; please don't take me, ok?"

Joey

I'm surprised you didn't go home wearing your lunch!

Phoebe

You want to hold on to your food, you have to scare people off. I learned that living on the street.

Ross

Really? So what would you say? 'Keep your mitts off my grub'?

Chandler

Ross, when you picture Phoebe living on the street, is she surrounded by the entire cast of Annie?

Phoebe

[writing a note] This will keep them away from your stuff!

Monica

Phoebe, you are a bad-ass!

Phoebe

Someday I'll tell you about the time I stabbed a cop!

Monica

Phoebe!

Phoebe

HE STABBED ME FIRST!!

Ross

No divorces in '99! [blows a party horn]

Rachel

But your divorce hasn't been finalized yet.

Ross

Just the one divorce in '99! [blows the party horn again] You know what, I'm going to be happy this year. I am going to make myself happy.

Chandler

Do you want us to leave the room?

Ross

I am going to do one thing that I have never done before. That, my friends, is my New Year's resolution.

Phoebe

Ohh... that's a good one. Mine is to pilot a commercial jet.

Chandler

That's a good one too, Pheebs. Now all you have to find is a planeload of people whose New Year's resolution is to plummet to their deaths.

Ross

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say, "No divorces in '99. Whoo."

Rachel

But your divorce isn't even final yet.

Ross

Just the one divorce in '99. WHOO. You know what? I'm going to be happy this year, I'm gonna make myself happy.

Chandler

Do you want us to leave the room, or...?

Ross

Janice and I have a lot in common. We've both been divorced, we both have kids...

Phoebe

So you're gonna see her again?

Joey

Phoebe, don't put ideas in his head!

Ross

I am gonna see her again.

Joey

Dammit, Phoebe!

Ross

[after seeing Monica and Chandler through the window] CHANDLER! I SAW WHAT YOU WERE DOING THROUGH THE WINDOW! I SAW WHAT YOU WERE DOING TO MY SISTER. NOW GET OUT HERE!

Chandler

Well, we had a great run. What was it -- four, five months? That's more that most people have in a lifetime. So bye, take care, buh-bye then. [kisses Monica and gets ready to jump out the window]

Joey

Hey Ross, will you pass me that knife?

Ross

No, I will not!

Joey

Oh, it's okay. You don't have to be so mean about it.

Ross

You're right, I'm sorry. Will you marry me? [They all laugh].

Phoebe

Aw, and I was gonna ask you to marry me because I forgot to say hello to you last week.

Rachel

I brought reinforcements.

Ross

You brought Joey?

Rachel

Um... no, but I brought the next best thing.

Chandler

Hey.

Ross

Chandler? You brought Chandler? The next best thing would have been Monica!

Chandler

Normally I'd be offended, but she is freakishly strong.

Ross

Look, I drew a sketch about how we're gonna do it. Okay, Rach, that's you. That's the couch.

Rachel

Whoa, what's ... what's that?

Ross

Oh, that's me.

Rachel

Wow! You certainly think a lot of yourself.

Ross

No! That's ... that's my arm.

Chandler

Oh, I see. I thought you just really, really liked your new couch.

Ross

Pivot. Pivot! PIVAT! PIVAAAAT!

Chandler

SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UUUUP!

Joey

So is Staten Island really an island?

Ross

Hence the name: Staten Island.

Joey

Oh, I thought it was like Long Island.

Ross

Also an island!