Ross Geller quotes from Friends

Ross

Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school?

Joey

No, I had sex in high school.

Chandler

[entering] Hey, you guys! Hey, Ross, quick question for ya. Are you ready to party?

Ross

I don’t know, I could maybe go out for a couple of beers, but there’s this thing about bumblebees on The Discovery Channel that I was planning to watch.

Chandler

No-no, I don’t think you heard me. Are you ready to party?!

Ross

Nooo!! Gandalf?! Gandalf is coming to town?

Chandler

Kathy’s with her parents, I have nothing to do, so tomorrow we are partying with Gandalf dude!

Ross

Dude, we are sooo gonna party!

Phoebe

Wow! Okay, dude alert! And who is this guy?

Ross

Mike "Gandalf" Ganderson, only like the funnest guy in the world.

Chandler

I’m gonna call and get off work tomorrow!

Ross

I’m gonna call after you!

Chandler

This is gonna be soo cool, dude, we never party anymore!

Woooo!!!

Monica

All right, were you guys smoking something in the back of our van?

Joey

Really. And what do you mean you never have fun anymore? You have fun with me, remember that time we saw those strippers and you paid me 50 bucks to eat that book?

Ross

Joey, you are gonna love this guy. Gandalf is like the party wizard!

Joey

Well, why do you call him Gandalf?

Ross

Gandalf the wizard. [Joey is still confused] Hello! Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school?

Joey

No, I had sex in high school.

Chandler

[on why he and Kathy haven't had sex yet] It's just.. her last boyfriend was Joey, and...

Ross

[chuckles] And you're worried you won't be able to "fill his shoes".

Chandler

No, I'm worried I won't be able to make love as well as him.

Ross

I was going for the metaphor.

Chandler

Yes, and I was using the actual words.

Ross

What was Monica's nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?

Joey

Big Fat Goalie.

Ross

Correct. [A stung Monica reacts] Rachel claims this is her favourite movie.

Chandler

Dangerous Liaisons.

Ross

Correct. Her actual favourite is-

Joey

Weekend at Bernie's!

Ross

Correct. [Rachel gasps] In which part of her body did Monica get a pencil stuck at age 14? [Chandler thinks, then whispers in Ross's ear] Eww, no!! [Monica winces] Her ear! Monica categorises her towels. How many categories are there?

Joey

Everyday-use.

Chandler

Fancy.

Joey

Guest.

Chandler

Fancy Guest.

Ross

Two seconds.

Joey

Eleven?!

Ross

[clicking time]Eleven. Unbelievable. Eleven is correct. All right, that's four for the guys. Ladies, you're up. [The teams trade places, doing the double-fist bumps to each other] Thirty seconds on the clock. Five correct questions wins the game. The lightning round begins...now. What is Joey's favorite food?

Monica

Sandwiches.

Ross

Correct. Chandler was how old when he first touched a girl's breast?

Rachel

Fourteen?

Ross

No, nineteen.

Chandler

Thanks, man.

Ross

Joey had an imaginary childhood friend. His name was...

Monica

Maurice.

Ross

Correct. His profession was...

Rachel

Space cowboy.

Ross

Correct! What is Chandler Bing's job?

Rachel

Oh, gosh! Does it have something to do with numbers?

Monica

And processing.

Rachel

And he carries a briefcase.

Ross

Ten seconds. You need this or you lose the game.

Monica

It has something to do with transponding.

Rachel

Oh, oh! He's a transponds...transponster!

Monica

That's not even a word! I can get this! I can get this... [Ross clicks time--they've lost the apartment] NO!!!

Joey

Hey look, a new Playboy.

Monica

Yeah, it's just something I picked up.

Ross

Cookies and porn? You're the best mom ever!

Joey

OK, for next time, what do you say?

Rachel

I have an extra ticket, an extra ticket, not two tickets. I have an extra ticket.

Ross

So the first time you asked a guy out he turned you down?

Rachel

He didn't turn me down. He's at the game isn't he? I got the date, I'm just not on it.

Ross

I'm man enough to play this sport.

Joey

You are not even man enough to get the channel that carries the sport.

We were playing rugby.

In fact, we're playing a game at the park tomorrow. You're welcome to play too if you want.

[laughs] Ross play rugby? I don't think so.

Ross

What's uh, what's so funny about that?

Well I mean, you're American to start with. You don't even have rugby here.

Ross

Well, we didn't have freedom here until 1776, either so...

So good then! We'll see you at Riverside Park at 2:00! Cheers!

Ross

We knew we had two weeks together and thats it.

Joey

Thats what all my relationships are like.

Chandler

But in Ross's case they both know two weeks is it.

Ross

If she doesn't call, it is definitely over! No, wait, wait. Unless eventually I call her, you know, just to see what's going on, and she says she'll call me back, but then she doesn't. Then it's over.

Joey

Way to be strong, man!

Joey

We don't make enough fun of you already? What? What?

Ross

Oh, yeah. Emily convinced me to do it.

Chandler

You do know that Wham! broke up?

Ross

[about Emily] She lives there. I live here. I mean, she'd have to move here. [pause] She should move here!

Joey

What?

Ross

I can ask her to live with me.

Chandler

Are you serious?

Ross

Why not? I mean, why not?

Chandler

Because you've only known her for six weeks! Ok? I've got a carton of milk in my refrigerator I've had a longer relationship with.

Chandler

Wah-pah!

Ross

What's Wah-pah?

Chandler

Whipped.. Wah-pah!

Joey

That's not whipped. Whipped is.. [Whipping sound]

Chandler

That's what i did.. Wah-pah!

Joey

You can't do anything!

Ross

Everything so far sounds great, Joey. Just remember, keep it on the mellow side, okay? Just a couple of guys hanging out, playing poker. No strippers or anything, okay?

Joey

You got it!

Ross

OK, see you later.

Chandler

Have fun planning your "mellow" bachelor party!

Joey

Well, there's gonna be strippers there. He didn't say anything about no strippers.

Chandler

He just said, "No strippers."

Joey

Oh. I chose not to hear that.

Ross

[storming into Chandler's room] I'm getting married today!!! Whoo-hoo!!!

Chandler

[covered up in bed] Morning, Ross.

Ross

I'm getting married to...day!!!

Chandler

Yeah, you are.

Ross

[leaving the room] Whoo-hoo!!!

Monica

[popping head out from under Chandler's covers] Do you think he knew I was here?