TV show quotes
I can't let it go! My nose is rubbed in it every day! *I'm* the one on the board of the Psychiatric Association, my research is well-respected in academic circles, four of my patients have been elected to political office, but it's your big fat face they put on the side of buses!
... I do not have a fat face!
[After Martin tells his sons the story of how his partner died.]
[To Frasier] Frasier, isn't there something you wanna say to your brother?
Yes, Dad, I– I suppose there is. [To his brother] Niles, would you like a muffin? [Offers his brother a muffin on a plate. Niles becomes confused]
[To Frasier] [Angrily] Frasier!
[Gives in] All right! [Puts the muffin on the plate back on the table. After a moment, he stands up] [To his brother] Niles– I'm sorry things didn't work out with the book. You have no reason to feel inferior to me. You're an accomplished psychiatrist, a decent man– and you stand second to no one.
Thank you, Frasier. [Stands up] The truth is, I've always looked up to you and– admired you.
[To his sons] All right, enough of this mushy girly stuff. Just shake hands, punch each other on the shoulder, and be done with it.
[The brothers shake hands, but finally give in and hug.]
[To his brother] Oh, what the heck.
[To himself] [Upset] Oh, geez!
Frasier is clearly ill, but reluctant to miss work
Well Dad, as you've often said, "If you can walk, you can work". Took sort of an ironic twist when you got shot in the hip!
Well, at least I had a real job! Half your listening audience hears voices already, the other half talks to themselves. If you don't show up, who's gonna notice?
[After Niles initially refused to fill in for his brother, Frasier says he does not possess the right qualities anyway]
Frasier, this pathetic attempt at reverse psychology is beneath you!
Then you're not going to do my show?
No, I am going to do your show, and I'm going to do it better than you ever dreamed of doing it!
[Niles is substituting for Frasier on his radio show.]
Although I feel perfectly qualified to fill Frasier's radio shoes, I should warn you that while Frasier is a Freudian, I am a Jungian. So there'll be no blaming mother today!
[After a drug-addled Frasier has locked himself in the studio]
Can I get security up here? Captain Kirk's got control of the bridge and he's gone insane!
I asked Dad to get me a bran muffin. You know what he said to me? "What's the magic word?"
You're kidding.
He didn't think it was very amusing when I said, "Rest home!"
Maddening!
What is it now?
They have a new moisturizer dispenser in the men's room, and the cream is entirely too oily, so I had to rewash my hands, and wouldn't you know it, that is when the hot-air hand dryer decides to break down!
How do you get through the day?
[During an interview for KACL, the author is asked about the inspiration for his book. Frasier is listening outside]
Well, it was actually given to me...by God.
By GOD? Do you believe this guy's grandiosity? I'm God, and he knows it!
You know how hard it is to lie to someone's face.
Oh, no, it's easy for someone as bright and charming and articulate as you.
Well, then, perhaps you're right.
See how easy it is.
[Martin is annoyed by Frasier's repeated instructions to take Eddie to the vet]
If anybody wants me, I'll be down at Duke's. [exits]
You ever noticed how much faster he moves when he's wrong?
[about drawer-dividers for socks] I saw them once in a catalogue, but I couldn't imagine who in the world would buy such silly things. Course, I hadn't met Dr. Crane yet.
I used to think there'd been some sort of mix-up at the hospital. Of course, when Niles came along, it shot that theory all to hell.
[Daphne explains that the smoke alarm over her bed went off]
God, the noise the bloody thing makes! It would be less upsetting just to wake up on fire!
God, you look like you've been ridden hard and put away wet.
Yes, well I was up 'til all hours of the night with Daphne, competing to see which of us has the more pathetic love life. On the bright side, I won.
One minute it's just a blob in some lady's stomach, the next minute it's a person. Blob... Person.
The miracle of birth, summed up in one poetic phrase.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Frasier pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
