Frasier quotes
105 total quotesNiles: Sorry I'm late, Frasier. Just as we were leaving, Maris had a run-in with a rude directory assistance operator, and it shattered her calm.
Frasier: You know, Niles, have you ever considered that maybe Maris is a bit high-strung, that maybe she should see someone?
Niles: She's seen everyone. Why do you think she was calling directory assistance?
Frasier: You know, Niles, have you ever considered that maybe Maris is a bit high-strung, that maybe she should see someone?
Niles: She's seen everyone. Why do you think she was calling directory assistance?
Niles: Well, as some illustrious person once said, "Popularity is the hallmark of mediocrity."
Frasier: You just made that up, didn't you?
Niles: Yes, but I stand by it.
Frasier: You just made that up, didn't you?
Niles: Yes, but I stand by it.
Roz: God, you look like you've been ridden hard and put away wet.
Frasier: Yes, well I was up 'til all hours of the night with Daphne, competing to see which of us has the more pathetic love life. On the bright side, I won.
Frasier: Yes, well I was up 'til all hours of the night with Daphne, competing to see which of us has the more pathetic love life. On the bright side, I won.
(Gil announces that Orsini's is closing.)
Gil: And so tonight a sad adieu to the grande dame of Seattle restaurants.
Roz: (aside to Frasier) I thought he was the grande dame of Seattle restaurants
Gil: And so tonight a sad adieu to the grande dame of Seattle restaurants.
Roz: (aside to Frasier) I thought he was the grande dame of Seattle restaurants
Eddie's barking at the Doberman upstairs is keeping Frasier awake. He is wearing a space collar following a recent fight
Frasier: Oh, for God's sake! I am trying to get some sleep. I asked you to keep that dog quiet, and instead you outfit him with a megaphone!
Frasier: Oh, for God's sake! I am trying to get some sleep. I asked you to keep that dog quiet, and instead you outfit him with a megaphone!
Frasier has conscripted Daphne and Martin to help him move into Niles' office
Martin: You know the best thing about gettin' old? Your hair may turn grey, your joints may stiffen, you may even have to walk with a cane...but people still ask you to help them move!
Martin: You know the best thing about gettin' old? Your hair may turn grey, your joints may stiffen, you may even have to walk with a cane...but people still ask you to help them move!
Frasier is clearly ill, but reluctant to miss work
Frasier: Well Dad, as you've often said, "If you can walk, you can work". Took sort of an ironic twist when you got shot in the hip!
Martin: Well, at least I had a real job! Half your listening audience hears voices already, the other half talks to themselves. If you don't show up, who's gonna notice?
Frasier: Well Dad, as you've often said, "If you can walk, you can work". Took sort of an ironic twist when you got shot in the hip!
Martin: Well, at least I had a real job! Half your listening audience hears voices already, the other half talks to themselves. If you don't show up, who's gonna notice?
In the midst of an argument, Niles has just stormed out of his group therapy session, followed by his brother
Niles: Frasier, I have made a fist and I'm thinking of using it!
Frasier: You are not scaring me...the thumb goes on the outside, Niles! On the outside!
Niles: Frasier, I have made a fist and I'm thinking of using it!
Frasier: You are not scaring me...the thumb goes on the outside, Niles! On the outside!
When Martin learns that Frasier's new boss is a woman, he expects his son to resent the situation
Frasier: If I had trouble taking orders from a woman, Frederick would never have been conceived!
Frasier: If I had trouble taking orders from a woman, Frederick would never have been conceived!
[After a drug-addled Frasier has locked himself in the studio]
Roz: Can I get security up here? Captain Kirk's got control of the bridge and he's gone insane!
Roz: Can I get security up here? Captain Kirk's got control of the bridge and he's gone insane!
[After Bebe has treated Daphne as a slave, she brings Bebe a snack]
Daphne: Will there be anything else?
Bebe: No, you run along, I'm fine.
Daphne: You're sure now? Because I could wait until you've finished the biscuit and floss your teeth for you!
Daphne: Will there be anything else?
Bebe: No, you run along, I'm fine.
Daphne: You're sure now? Because I could wait until you've finished the biscuit and floss your teeth for you!
[After Niles initially refused to fill in for his brother, Frasier says he does not possess the right qualities anyway]
Niles: Frasier, this pathetic attempt at reverse psychology is beneath you!
Frasier: Then you're not going to do my show?
Niles: No, I am going to do your show, and I'm going to do it better than you ever dreamed of doing it!
Niles: Frasier, this pathetic attempt at reverse psychology is beneath you!
Frasier: Then you're not going to do my show?
Niles: No, I am going to do your show, and I'm going to do it better than you ever dreamed of doing it!
[As Frasier presents the Christmas Day show, more and more depressing tales of woe are heard.]
Caller: I remember that Christmas when I ran into my mother's room, tears streaming down my face, and I said "Mummy, Mummy, the puppy Santa gave me won't wake up."
Caller: I remember that Christmas when I ran into my mother's room, tears streaming down my face, and I said "Mummy, Mummy, the puppy Santa gave me won't wake up."
[Bebe narrowly avoids making an ageist remark about Fletcher Grey when she sees Martin]
Bebe: You're even more handsome than the last time I saw you. If I were twenty years older, they couldn't keep me away from you.
Martin: That's why I keep this cane.
Bebe: You're even more handsome than the last time I saw you. If I were twenty years older, they couldn't keep me away from you.
Martin: That's why I keep this cane.
[Catherine is crying]
Frasier: Oh, no, no, no, don't cry. You're in a place of business here.
Frasier: Oh, no, no, no, don't cry. You're in a place of business here.