All my life I have dreamed of one thing: the day I could go into a library, go to the card catalogue and see my name under "Mental Illness."
“Author, Author” · Season 1, Episode 22
In this episode: Niles Crane (5), Frasier Crane (4), Martin Crane (1)
What we need is a good opening sentence. Something that will smack the reader right between the eyes, and then take him on a virtual roller-coaster ride of self-awareness and discovery.
Frasier, while you were over there, mixing metaphors like a Cuisinart, I've had a breakthrough.
[While brawling over thier inability to write a book, due to their sibling rivalry]
My God, My God! I'm having a flashback! You're climbing in my crib and jumping on me!
You stole my mommy!
I can't let it go! My nose is rubbed in it every day! *I'm* the one on the board of the Psychiatric Association, my research is well-respected in academic circles, four of my patients have been elected to political office, but it's your big fat face they put on the side of buses!
... I do not have a fat face!
[After Martin tells his sons the story of how his partner died.]
[To Frasier] Frasier, isn't there something you wanna say to your brother?
Yes, Dad, I– I suppose there is. [To his brother] Niles, would you like a muffin? [Offers his brother a muffin on a plate. Niles becomes confused]
[To Frasier] [Angrily] Frasier!
[Gives in] All right! [Puts the muffin on the plate back on the table. After a moment, he stands up] [To his brother] Niles– I'm sorry things didn't work out with the book. You have no reason to feel inferior to me. You're an accomplished psychiatrist, a decent man– and you stand second to no one.
Thank you, Frasier. [Stands up] The truth is, I've always looked up to you and– admired you.
[To his sons] All right, enough of this mushy girly stuff. Just shake hands, punch each other on the shoulder, and be done with it.
[The brothers shake hands, but finally give in and hug.]
[To his brother] Oh, what the heck.
[To himself] [Upset] Oh, geez!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Frasier pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.