Frasier Crane quotes from Frasier

Frasier

Six months ago, I was living in Boston. My wife had left me, which was very painful. Then she came back to me, which was excruciating.

Frasier

Six months ago, I was living in Boston. My wife had left me, which was very painful. Then she came back to me, which was excruciating. On top of that, my practice had grown stagnant, and my social life consisted of– hanging around a bar night after night. You see, I was clinging to a life that wasn't working anymore, and I knew I had to do something, anything. So I ended the marriage once and for all, packed up my things, and moved back here to my hometown of Seattle. Go Seahawks.

Frasier

[about Daphne] She's psychic. We've decided to find it charming.

Frasier

As some of you may know, yesterday I was mentioned in Derek Mann's "Mann About Town" column. He said, and I quote, "I Hate Frasier Crane"... "I Hate Frasier Crane." What trenchant criticism. Move aside, Voltaire. Step back in the shadows, H. L. Mencken. There's a new kid in town. One can only wonder how many hours Derek Mann sat in the glow of his computer screen before his trembling fingers sprang to life and pecked out this chef d'oeuvre: "I... hate... Frasier Crane."

Frasier

Oh, no, no, no, don't cry. You're in a place of business here.

Frasier

Excuse me, excuse me. Exactly how long have I been asleep?

Frasier

[to a caller] Roger, at Cornell University they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the tunneling electron microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building block of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now, I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem. Thank you for your call.

Frasier

My God, it's a recipe for disaster! You've got a vulnerable woman and an unstable man in a Gothic mansion on a rainy night! The only thing missing is someone shouting "Heathcliff!" across the moors!

Frasier

Good afternoon, Seattle. This is Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL 780. Well, it's another gray, depressing day here in the Emerald City. Here's hoping we can brighten up your afternoon. We hold it our personal duty to banish your rainy day blues. But first, a message from a new sponsor. [reads] "Death is inevitable"...

Frasier

My God, woman, I'd drive a stake through your heart but I don't think anything could kill you!

Frasier

There's nothing wrong with Maris that wouldn't be cured by a little sun, some exercise and a personality.

Frasier

Ah, yes. Another beautiful Saturday night. The moon is full, the city lights are twinkling, lovers steal kisses in the park... and here, Chez Crane, my father and his assistant sit hunched over 20-year-old photographs of a murdered hooker. [raises his glass] Life is a banquet!

Frasier

I'm a humane man, but right now I could kick a kitten through an electric fan.

Frasier

If I had trouble taking orders from a woman, Frederick would never have been conceived!

Frasier

Oh, for God's sake! I am trying to get some sleep. I asked you to keep that dog quiet, and instead you outfit him with a megaphone!