He has no instincts. He just stinks.
S8 E12The Show Must Go Off
S8 E13Sliding Frasiers
Frasier is about to go speed dating, and is explaining the idea to Roz
Basically, it's all the stress and humiliation of a blind date... times twelve.
S8 E14Hungry Heart
Frasier is darting between Kenny and his wife in the apartment. Martin has not seen either of them
Dad, I thought you were going to clear out tonight. I've got a date!
Enter Kenny
Doc, I need you in the bedroom. (exit)
(pause) Pretty.
Daphne has tripped over
What happened?
Oh, Daphne tripped on something and fell.
Where's Eddie? Oh my god, Eddie! Eddie! (Eddie runs into the scene and jumps on the couch) (Martin sighs of relief) Oh, there he is. I thought maybe he ran away or something.
Oh darling, look at that, your ankle's swelling up already. (Points to it)
It's the other one!
Here, let me give you a hand.
Yeah, and no cracks, old man! I know I've gotten heavy and I've resolved to do something about it.
All right, on three. One, two, three! (Martin and Niles lift without results) Maybe the super has a hand truck.
Kill me!
(enters) Good lord, what happened?
Daphne twisted her ankle and fell. Come help us lift her.
Okay, boys, be careful. Use your legs. (The Crane men lift Daphne up)
Oh, bloody hell! I'm wearing two different shoes!
(Doorbell rings, Frasier goes to answer it, while Niles helps Daphne to her room)
Daphne, I just thought of somethin' funny: It took three Cranes to lift you!
S8 E15Hooping Cranes
Roz cannot take the basketball tickets that Frasier has been given
I have a date with this French guy, Jean-Pierre.
So that's it, huh? No Americans left.
Frasier finally loses patience with Niles' basking in glory
The story is: one upon a time, Niles Crane accidentally made a basket. The End!
During the argument with Roz, Frasier obliquely threatens to walk out
Well, I'm just saying that alienating me isn't probably in the best interests of the show.
Well, maybe "the show" would be better off without you.
Well, then maybe I should just leave "the show".
Well, maybe that's what "the show" wants you to do.
Well then, "the show" can BITE ME! (exit)
If I used you, it was only as the swift and terrible sword of Justice!
S8 E17It Takes Two to Tangle
Niles distracts William while Frasier speaks to his mother about Bryce Academy
I overheard one of the servers discussing a one-act play he wants your mother to produce.
WWilliam
Okay, which one?
I think it was something by Chekhov.
S8 E18Forgotten But Not Gone
After a very uninspiring Wine Corner, Frasier signs off with a remark about wine getting better with age, like a good woman
Aww, do you really believe that?
Oh, who cares, Roz? I stopped listening to myself ten minutes ago!
Frasier is sharing his thoughts on a wine with Martin, in his usual verbose fashion
You don't think it's clear that I enjoy the wine?
I don't think it's clear you're talking about wine.
Wine-tasting at the wine club
I'm getting oak with plummy overtones.
EEndicott
I'm getting screwed on alimony.
(Walks in) Niles, I want to talk to you.
Dad! What happened, is there something wrong?
You're damn right there is, it's about you and Frasier! (notices) Good God, you wear a sash?!
Frasier sent you down here, didn't he?
(o.s. from above) No!
Frasier, get in here now!
Frasier shuffles in beside Niles. The following scene looks like a father dressing down two toddlers — a spectacle that both Frasier and Niles are desperate to avoid
Dad, this isn't necessary.
Yeah, we-we can talk about this some other time.
Zip it up, both of you! I just gave up the best meal of my life to come down here, so listen up. Niles, let your brother play.
Dad, this is not a game, this is a club, and Frasier broke the rules!
Technically, I-
Hold it! (To Niles) Well, then you write a new rule so that Frasier can come back.
First, I want an apology-
I said zip it!
He did, I heard him!
Don't get smart! Now, are you gonna let your brother play?
Dad-
Are you gonna let your brother play?
Why-
Are you gonna let your brother play?
I-
Are you gonna let your brother play?
(Gives in) Fine.
Am I gonna have any more trouble between you two?
FNFrasier/Niles
(Humbly) No.
No, what?
FNFrasier/Niles
No, sir.
Good. Now shake hands. (They do) That's more like it. Now if you don't mind, I've got a big plate of Gewürzplatzchen waiting for me at home with my name on it. (Leaves)
Uh, well, [chuckles] let's get back to the wine, shall we?
RReynolds
You got yelled at by your dad. (All the members laugh)
Well, be that as it may-
EEndicott
Zip it! (Everyone laughs louder)
S8 E19Daphne Returns
In the midst of the argument
I can't read minds, you know. And by the way, neither can you!
Are you saying you don't think I'm psychic?!
Not if you thought I loved your cooking!
Well, I'm sorry it's not that hoity-toity crap you eat!
What does that mean? You, you think I'm pretentious?
You'd eat a worm if I gave it a French name!
Well fine! If that's the way you feel, maybe I'll just have dinner by myself! (Storms out of the apartment)
Well, good! It'll spare you the hell that's my cooking! (Heads back for her room)
(Hurries back in through the door, Daphne turns back) I am so sorry! I love you so much! (Runs into Daphne's arms, they embrace) I didn't mean any of those things!
Yes you did. And I did too. You’re a pretentious snob, with your wine and your opera.
YOU NEVER GIVE OPERA A CHANCE! You're too judgmental.
And you're a clean freak.
Well...I hate your unicorn collection.
And I hate that your closet is bigger than mine!
Well...you're too tall!
You're too short. (They kiss passionately)
S8 E20The Wizard and Roz
Dr. Tewksbury has been observing Niles and Daphne in Café Nervosa. Roz explains Daphne's belief that she is psychic
TTewksbury
Well, no matter who's right or wrong, Niles needs to set up stricter boundaries with his patients. I learned that from years of practice.
No, she's not his patient; she's his girlfriend.
TTewkesbury
Oh well, in that case, no matter who's right or wrong, he's wrong. I learned that from years of marriage.
At the last minute, Niles changes his mind and asks not to be given the results of the test
Sorry, Dr. Morey. We've wasted your time.
MMorey
It's OK. Eddie told me a couple of funny jokes while we were waiting.
Niles and Daphne look taken aback
MMorey
I'm kidding!...They weren't that funny.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Frasier pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.