TV show quotes
Daphne arrives to find the apartment devoid of any furniture
Well, I'm glad I went to three different stores to find your organic furniture polish.
Well, Daphne, chin up. You can always use it to polish the floors.
Oh yes. When God closes a door he opens a window(!)
Frasier observes that Niles is in a good mood, so Niles explains that he plans to disregard Mel's instructions and take Daphne out
Mel be damned! Daphne and I are going to have a romantic evening together at my apartment. Not only that; she's going in my car, in my back seat, under a pile of my coats and blankets!
Manchester, right?
Is it that obvious?
To me it is. My mum's from Manchester. Used to scream her lungs out for United.
Is that so? My Uncle Jack once tried to get Bobby Charlton's autograph, until Bobby cracked him over the head with a can of lager. Twelve stitches, and he still has the can!
Hey, Abby, have you heard this one? How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I don't know. How many cops planted it there?
Thrust and parry, Dad.
Abby announces that dinner is on her, or rather, the firm
I couldn't let you do that, Abby. I wanted to pay for dinner.
Don't worry; you are.
I can't believe I was going to sleep with you!
[Throws him out of her office.]
You still can!
Frasier gives Roz his little "guilt offering". Each is unaware that the other has been spending time with Luke
Oh, Frasier, I don't deserve your friendship.
No, I do not deserve your friendship.
I deserve my own table. Excuse me. (exit)
Niles has overheard Roz and Frasier surreptitiously phoning Luke to arrange or cancel plans for the evening. He is now leaving
Oh, Niles. Listen: as it turns out I am available for that concert…
No, you're not.
Kelly Kirkland no longer co-hosts the Christmas parade with her husband
She's discovered that Cal's been having an affair with a cue card girl.
How did she catch him? Did she find a giant love letter in his pocket?
Now that Ballantine has been discontinued, Martin is not looking forward to Christmas
Christmas is about more than beer, Mr Crane.
Yeah, and this year's extra special 'cos Daphne and I are together.
Well, that's true. No more Mel, no Maris, no Lilith...Maybe I won't need beer this Christmas.
Dr. Tewkesbury ascertains that Frasier's ex-wife is a psychiatrist
Well, that's a handy choice for someone who'd rather share ideas than emotions.
Have you ever met Lilith?
No.
(stuttering) Well, she happens to be a very warm and loving woman!
It is nearly time for Frasier's award presentation, and he has still not arrived
He'll be here in a minute. Just go up there and stall.
Stall? (beat) Stall?!
Yes, like that.
Frasier is driving Chelsea to see her first opera. Niles and Daphne are in the back seat
Oh, this is gonna be a whole new experience for me.
Why, you've never been bored before?
Niles realizes that students who coast through class are simply frustrated
So when Billy Kriezel tried to stuff you into your locker after math class, he wasn't really mad at you; he was mad at Pythagoras.
Which is ironic, because a simple volume equation would have shown him I couldn't fit.
It's like we wished it to happen, and then it did. Half of me feels guilty, the other half feels relieved... actually, it's about 30-70.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Frasier pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
