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11 SEASONS

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Frasier quotes

546 quotes · page 18 of 37

Frasier

All S1 S2 S3 S4 S5 S6 S7 S8 S9 S10 S11

S5 E15Room Service

Niles and Lilith wake up in Lilith's hotel room bed next to each other

My God! What did we do? What did we do?

Well, first you put your...

I know what we did! What do we do now?!

Let's just stay calm. These things happen, they happen every day... (losing it) every day in Arkansas! Frasier is going to kill us! Oh, why did you have to look so damned bewitching all evening?

Why did you have to drive me home and walk me to my door?

Oh, there's no point pointing fingers. We both know why this happened; last night was simply two wounded people overcome with loneliness, confusion and...

Tequila shooters.

(moaning) Mmm-hmm.

(A knock on the door)

(whispering) Who's that?!

Don't panic, no one knows we're here.

I told Frasier I was driving you home.

(panicked, whispering) Why did you do a stupid thing like that?!

Well, it wasn't stupid at the time! How did I know the minute we got in this room you'd be on me like a hawk on a titmouse!

While Frasier waits in the hotel room, Lilith stealthily informs Niles, who is hiding in the en-suite, of his brother's amorous intentions

Does the man have no scruples? He specifically asked me last night to keep him away from you. But the minute my back is turned he sneaks back here and...(catches Lilith's eye) yes, I'm aware of the irony.

S5 E16Beware of Greeks

Martin blames Frasier for the rift with Nikos' mother

I can't believe because of your big mouth, Zora won't even let me in her restaurant!

Forcing you to go elsewhere when you have one of your frequent cravings for stuffed grape leaves and zither music!

It's a moot point. We're out of the family, thanks to Frasier's more-than-usually inept advice.

Can you imagine what it's like to live in the same city as your brother, and not see him for five years?

No, but I'd like to give it a try.

[regarding their aunt Zora] Don't you remember the family legend that when Hitler invaded Greece, she joined the partisans just so she could strangle Nazis?

I have never believed that! She would have been five years old at the time!

That's why the legends says they were strangled with jump-ropes.

S5 E17The Perfect Guy

Roz is swooning over the station's attractive new host

I can't work with a guy that handsome... No offense.

Oh, none taken. Granted, when it comes to the looks department, Dr. Webber and I aren't in the same—

Species?

Well, I was going to say "league," but species is so much more insulting.

I must admit, I didn't notice he was all that handsome.

You didn't notice? You of all people?

Just what are you insinuating?

Well, you know... you're a little...

For your information, I happen to be a happily married man.

You're... married?

To a woman?

Of course to a woman! Well, you've all heard me mention Deb. How many times have I said, "I must run along now, Deb will be waiting!"

We thought Deb was your cat.

She is not a cat! She is Mrs. Gilbert Leslie Chesterton, a Sarah Lawrence graduate, and the owner of a very successful auto body repair shop! Honestly, the conclusions people make just because a man dresses well, and knows how to use a pastry bag! [exits in a huff]

Well, that's the first time I've ever seen a man "in" himself.

S5 E18Bad Dog

Frasier runs into Niles in the elevator, and sees him wearing a grey flat cap

Niles, what have we determined about your success with…impulse purchases?

Really? The salesman thought I could pull it off.

My suggestion exactly.

Martin has taken a simple but effective approach to exposing Bulldog as a charlatan

Aw Thanks, Dad.

Hey I'm no hero, I just wanted you to shut up.

S5 E19Frasier Gotta Have It

Frasier tells his family that he tried, and failed, to break up with Caitlin

Why? Because I'm Frasier, and I'm a sexaholic!

Frasier tries to explain to Caitlin why he thinks things won't work out between them

I'm basically your stuffy, buttoned down sort of guy, you're a free-spirited, adventurous mouse-painting, moon-howling sort of girl!

S5 E21Roz and the Schnoz

Martin is excited about his trip to San Francisco with Duke to retrace their steps from their shore leave there in 1952

Back then, there was no place like Frisco for a single guy cruising the streets looking for a good time.

You know Dad, I think you'll find Frisco hasn't changed all that much.

[Roz talks about having in-laws without being married.]

That's like posing nude for your art teacher and still flunking the course. [Frasier looks shocked] Shut up. I needed the credits.

S5 E22The Life of the Party

Niles proudly shows Frasier a photograph of his new 18th-century Turkish prayer rug

Paid a fortune for it, but legend says whatever you pray for on this rug will come to you.

Certainly worked for the dealer.

After Vickie turns him down, Frasier is rather upset. Roz has other things to worry about

What is wrong with me? Why can't I find a single woman who's interested in me?

Those are two different questions, really, so we should just sit down and talk them both over. Oh, wait, I can't, BECAUSE I'M IN LABOR!

These quotes come from Wikiquote's Frasier pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.