Fanboy[jumps out of a pot] Knitting a sweater for the grandkid?
It's for my cat! She's 55 lbs. of love! So, D'you finished your glop? It'll make you BIG AND STRONG!!!!
Fanboy
That's what I wanted to talk about, Mrs. Cram. May I call you Cramella? [Mrs. Cram has a blank face] Crama-lama-ding-dong? Okay, not budging on the name. I'll cut to the cheese. We'd like to go. You'd Like us to stay here 'till our bones crumble to dust. I think there's a little ground, So, I Am Gonna write a number for how many minutes I think we should stay. Does it sound like something you'd be interested in? [hands Mrs. Cram the paper]
This isn't a number, it's a W.
Fanboy
You drive a hard bargain! OK, tell ya what, I'll cut my offer in half [tears the piece of paper in half] from a W to just a U.
Fanboy
[sighs] Look, if you're not even gonna negotiate!
TATV Announcer
It's time for "The Super Spy Adventures of Agent 08"! Tonight's episode: "License to Krill".
Fanboy
We love your show, Agent 08. Especially the episode when you jumped over that shark.
Yeah, that’s when it really started to get good!
TATV Announcer
We interrupt this episode of Agent 08 with breaking news. A new toy, by the name of Agent 08, has been found to be extremely dangerous.
Fanboy
Dangerous? Agent 08? What do they mean?
[pries Agent 08 off his face just enough to eat a handful of popcorn] I dunno.
TATV Announcer
We’ve received several reports that the toy has a tendency to explode!
Fanboy
That’s crazy. I think we would’ve noticed if it-[Agent 08 explodes] Agent 08? You... explode?
FCFanboy And Chum Chum
WICKED!! [it explodes again, knocking the couch backwards]
TATV Announcer
The toy company is sending out representatives to recall the toy.
Fanboy
[peering over couch] Wait, wait, my ears are still ringing. What did he just say?
They're gonna take away our Agent 08!
Fanboy
Never! They’ll have to pry it from my cold red face!
Did you see those weirdos? Carrying that dumb Frosty Freezy Freeze cup around in a briefcase? [chuckles]
Well, it is super valuable.
What do you mean, val-u-able?
It's from an old promotion the Frosty Mart ran: Unlimited free refills.
Unlimited free refills? They must not know what they have, or else they'd never leave. [scene zooms in on him] Can you imagine the horror?
[Scene changes to a black and white setting of Lenny running away from Fanboy and Chum Chum, accompanied by clones of themselves flying, all holding cups]
FCFanboy/Chum Chum
REFILL! REFILL! REFILL! REFILL!
Fanboy
Thanks for the Chimp Chomp, Boog. Oh, I almost forgot. This broke off. [gives Boog a broken-off joystick, Boog whimpers] Whoo-hoo! wait for me! [exits]
[Lenny enters the Frosty Mart with his bottom half encased in a giant pink ice cube using skiing poles to move. Boog stares at him, confused.]
[clearly annoyed] I lost three toes. Tell me we got that cup. [Boog whimpers and shows him the broken joystick.]
[Not pleased, Lenny stomps on Boog's foot]
[shrieks in pain] AAAAAGH!!!
So here's the plan. They put the cup in the cup holder, and... [puts a cup in a cup holder, which slides in and its compartment closes] bada-bing, bada-boom! The cup is ours! [both laugh] That's good, right? [drives Sandy to Fanboy and Chum Chum] Hey, boys. Need a lift?
Fanboy
Yeah, I'm guessing a "lift" is some new form of wedgie, so we're gonna pass.
No, I'll give you a ride in my car.
You'd let us ride in Sandy?
Fanboy
Come on, Chum Chum! We can finish our contest later!
Fanboy
Seeing who can step in the most gum.
FCFanboy/Chum Chum
[both leap into Sandy with gum on their feet] Yaaaaay!
[anxiously] Uh, tell me you're not getting gum...on the carpet?
Fanboy
Nope, [he and Chum Chum stretch gum on their feet] it's all on the seats. [Boog grumbles]
Uh, say, fellas. If you like, we can put that cup in the cup holder for ya. [chuckles]
Look, Cuppy. A special seat just for you.
[Fanboy starts to reach Cuppy out to the cup holder, but abruptly stops]
[Lenny tries to get the cup but Fanboy's arm moves before he can get it. He and Boog grumble]
Fanboy
[seeing Oz cross the street] Hey, Oz. Can we give you a ride?
Well, I've already walked my thirty steps for the day. What the heck? [opens car door] Comin' in! [gets in, squashing Lenny to the window] If you can just scoot over a little, yeah, here we go -- over here.
Hey, hey, watch where you're -- [Oz leans against him as he screams]
...sure are snug, let me just use a little grease from this chicken. There we go! [pants] With room to spare. [holds a bucket of chicken legs] So what's up? [pants]
[annoyed] Anyone else you'd like to PICK UP?!
[All three are eating chicken legs]
Fanboy
Well, now that you mention it. [Boog grumbles] Thanks for giving all our friends a ride!
How do you like that hot air, boys? I switched out the tanks! [laughs]
Fanboy
Oh, why, Boog? Why you gotta make it so hard?
Cause I like messing with you dweebs! And I love balloons. [Flies away on a bouquet of helium balloons while laughing]
♪ Well, you know I got to stop you ♪
[Fanboy as a traffic police cop, driving Chum Chum as a motorbike. They catch up with Boog, with Fanboy standing by the bus door. Fanboy taps the windscreen which Boog nervously winds down]
Fanboy
[in a Texan accent] License and registration, sir.
What'd I do, officer? Was it that lady's garden gnomes I drove through? 'Cause I swear those little twerps started it!
Fanboy
I'll ask the question, sir. [Chum Chum comes next to Fanboy making noises which Fanboy stops] You one of them yankee fellas running Frosty Freezy Freeze down into these parts? Hmm?
Fanboy
Don't you back-sass me! Well I guess I'm gonna have to confiscate all the Frost Freezy Freeze you got on board.
Whatever you say, officer! I don't want no trouble!
Chum Chum: [radio voice] 1-Adam-12, 1-Adam-12, we have a 10-3512 in progress. All units must proceed. Over. [static noise]
Fanboy
Looks like today's your lucky day. [rides off on Chum Chum]
Fanboy
[Gasps] HOW DARE YOU, SIR?!? Where did you get such a cockamamie idea?
[Flashback to many years ago]
BCBaby Chum Chum
You broke-ted my teddy bear!
BFBaby Fanboy
[Nibbles on a teddy's arm, spits it out] Sorry.
BCBaby Chum Chum
[Holds plate broken into half] You broke my Man-Arctica plate!
BFBaby Fanboy
[Hides a catapult behind his back] Sorry.
BCBaby Chum Chum
My tiny toy turtle!
BFBaby Fanboy
[While welding the turtle] Sorry.
[End of flashback]
Fanboy
Wow, you're right, I do break all of your stuff! I'm sorry, Chum Chum, I feel awful.
Hello!? Why would I want to spend any time at all with you snot-filled troll babies!?
FCFanboy/Chum Chum
'Cause you're my best friend! [both gasp, then growl at one another]
Your...best friend? Really, I don't know what to say...I... I always assumed you despised me as much as I despised you.
There, I have given you what-for!
I'm too quick. You didn't see. But now, I chop your arm off! [wacks his ninja against Kyle's, making its left arm fall off]
Huh? Oh. All right then. Perhaps you'll feel the force of both my parry and my thrust! [giggles while "attacking" Chum Chum's ninja] Oh, ho! I've cut you to the quick!
Uh-uh! You bounced off my force field.
[was about to do a victory dance, but stops] Force field? Ninjas don't have force fie --
And then, I use my sonic ray to pretzel-ize your legs! ["Attacks" Kyle's ninja]
Don't do that! Huh? [Looks at his ninja's legs in a bow] Oh.
Fanboy
Ooo, sonic turbo ninjas. [At Chum Chum] Did you use your mystical throwing cow? Here! [gives him a wooden cow]
Ooo, good call. [throws the cow at Kyle's ninja, making its right arm fall off]
[slightly irritated] So, we're going to play loosey-goosey with the rules, are we? Well, what do you think of this? [Takes Chum Chum's ninja, jumps on it, hits it against the door, then rips it in half. He then sighs] There! Taste of your own medicine. [falls to the floor and groans]
Fanboy
And...your head explodes.
GRR! YOU'RE CHEATERS! CHARLATANS! WITH YOUR -- MADE-UP RULES AND YOUR -- AIRBORNE LIVESTOCK?!? I CALL SHENANIGANS!!!
FCFanboy/Chum Chum
PANCAKE FIGHT!
Oh, help, help, help! [gets hit with a pancake]
Fanboy
Ooh, a red-hot huckleberry, and on your first try.
That gets you a sky-high rocket ride.
AND I REFUSE TO SPEND ONE MORE MOMENT IN THIS NUTHOUSE! LET! ME! OUT OF HERE!
End of the line, boys. [in high-pitched voice] You got these bops coming! [Fanboy and Chum Chum both laugh as their voices also become high-pitched] Why you laughing?
Fanboy
Your voice, it’s funny!
Fanboy
Hey, you’re right.
[The boys continue laughing; Boog growls and threatens to bop them but the boys get out of the bubble and spray more helium at him with the dispenser and close the bubble as it floats upwards to the moon]
I’m gonna bop you so hard when I get out here! Man, it’s hard to sound tough with this voice.
Fanboy
I wonder how he's gonna get down from there.
[POP!]
STUPID POINTY MOON! [crashes into a tree] I’m stuck in a tree!
Fanboy
Oh don't feel bad, Kyle. You still have your friends.
Yes, I suppose I am a winner after all.
[Kyle hugs the two still hanging upside down with dynamite. An explosion off screen with the words "THE END" as a result]
FCFanboy and Chum Chum
You've been dazzled!
You make it so difficult.
Fanboy & Chum Chum · 198 quotes
