Chris Griffin quotes from Family Guy

Looks like a 10 and a half.

Chris

They're perfect! I'll take them!

No, those aren't shoes.

Chris

[in a robot voice] Do not speak in that tone to the iron giant! [robot walks off] Must destroy shoebox city!

Lois

Chris, you've hardly touched your food.

Chris

Mom, are you a scientist?

Lois

No?

Chris

Then quit putting me under a damn microscope!

Chris

Dad, can I ask you something about girls?

Peter

Are you wearing a wire?

Chris

VHS? What do those letters stand for?

Peter

That information has been lost to victory.

Chris

Hi, I'm a 15-year-old wild card and...

WELL, LET'S GET YOU A GUN, ALREADY!

Peter

Okay, Brian. What do you get for me?

Okay, birthday jokes. [reading one of his jokes] We may not be colleagues, but there's no one in your league.

Peter

Boy, that's a brick on the backboard. Chris, what do you got?

Chris

I drove the family to Disneyland for vacation and when we got off the highway, the sign said "Disneyland Left" so we drove back home.

Peter

Chris, that's going in the show. See that, Brian? Don't be afraid to pull our heartstrings.

Chris

The neighbor's sprinkler ruined whatever this is.

Peter

Not so fast, Chris. I don't give up that easily.

Chris

Good for you, Dad. Go knock on the neighbor's door and have a mildly uncomfortable conversation.

Peter

I give up.

Lois

Oh, good. Kids, you're just in time for breakfast.

Chris

No time, Mom. The girl I stalk has field hockey practice at 8:00! I love a red-cheeked barbarian.

Lois

How 'bout you, Meg?

Meg

Can't. I'm weirdly the girl he's stalking. God, help me. I love the attention.

Chris

I'm home from camp!

Welcome, home!

Stewie

Meg's been wearing your clothes.

Lois

Chris? What - oh, who cares? We're in Vermont till Sunday. Call if you have to but, like, let's not call.

Chris

Can we only brush our teeth for 60 seconds instead of the full 90?

Peter

You brush your teeth? Nerd.

Tom Tucker

Okay, final question. Team 3. Who is your child's favorite singer?

Peter

[puts his board up to show the crowd] The Price is Right Yodeler.

Chris

What? No. I said Adele. [puts his board up]

Peter

Judges?

Lois

Oh, this is more humiliating than my first day working at that Rice Pilaf Company.

Lois

I think we could start putting pilaf in other things.

Lois, can I see you in my office for a second?

Peter

I told you not to rock the boat over there.

Chris

This game SUCKS!!

Peter

What are you talkin' about?

Chris

Uh, what universe does this even take place in? EVERYTHING needs to take place in a universe!

Peter

It's a warehouse with ladders where a monkey took a girl.

Chris

What about the microtransactions that slowly bankrupt our family? Or the children slinging racist taunts into your earpiece?

Peter

It has two buttons and I have to look down when I press 'em.

Chris

Donkey Kong sucks! I could build the same game on our house.

Peter

Donkey Kong house?

Peter

Sorry I put you in a dress, Stewie. We needed a damsel.

Stewie

Hey, do I look upset?

May I join the losers club?

Chris

[sigh] I don't care what yearbook captions you saw. We are not yet an organized club.

Chris

Keep my name out your fucking mouth!

Peter

Wow, dude. It was a zoo joke.

Uh-oh! No tears means no cookies!

Chris

Which also means no cookie business!

Hi, I'm Jamie Lee Curtis, and I heard someone here was having a problem with feminine dryness.

Meg

Oh, I... I think I'm all set.

Have you tried Sliquid feminine wash? The natural solution to feminine dryness?

Meg

Oh, no... no. I... I think we have different problems, dawg.

Chris

I'd hear her out. Sliquid's the one feminine wash that goes on dry and doesn't drip.

Stewie

Chris, are you selling intimacy projects with Jamie Lee Curtis?

Chris

Well, Stewie, I'd say Sliquid sells itself.

Meg

It goes on dry?