Get over it! We're Murphys. What do we do?
We shove it down…
That's right. And later in life, we take it out on someone else.
S3 E7Summer Vacation
S3 E8It's in His Blood
You fucking redheaded piece of shit! Nobody breaks up with me! I break up with you!
You did break up with me!
THE FUCK I DID! I'm gonna get you for this! No more Mr. Nice Bridget.
You were being nice?!
S3 E9Frank the Father
I'd put him through a wall, but I don't have a permit!
So, now you got a record, you made your mother cry, and you're gonna miss another day of summer school. At this rate, the baby's gonna graduate before you do. What do you have to say for yourself?
... Door was supposed to swing out...
Yeah, well, I should have pulled out! Fucking jailbird!
ITInternational Touch
[approaching Kevin] Aww, your pimp is so mean. You sweet piece of white toffee. Come with International Touch - you will be my queen!
He's not a girl, he's my son, and he's wearing his mother's blouse!
ITInternational Touch
Damn! You, sir, have failed as a father.
S4 E3Bring me a Tooth
AJAmy Jenkins
You almost tripped me! Say you're sorry.
Go suck your mother's dick!
AJAmy Jenkins
At least I have a mother. Your mom died 'cause she didn't want to see your ugly face anymore.
[yelling after her] Hey, Amy! I hope Bigfoot breaks into your house, kills your dad, comes to the funeral and shits in the hole, and then fucks your mom in the grave, and your mom says "Oooh, that’s the best grave shit fucking I’ve ever had, Bigfoot! What are you doing Thursday?!" [pants and starts tearing up, taking out a locket with a picture of her mother holding her as a baby] I won't let her say that about you.
S5 E3Blind Alley
[muttering to himself while driving to work on a rainy early morning] Fucking Saturday. Fucking crack of dawn. Fucking birds aren’t even awake. Goddamn Ed treats me like a slave. Unpaid fucking training. Fuck him. [clocks in] Smiling piece of shit. See how happy he is with my foot up his fucking ass. Fucking...
EEd
Morning Frank!
Jesus!
EEd
Frank, the coffee was ready at 5:30, but you weren’t.
BBurke
Want me to make him stand out in the rain?
EEd
Oh, no. I don’t want to give Frank the achoo-ies. But I will have to give you the finger. [Brushes his right index finger over his left index finger while giving Frank a stern look]
[to a fussy Megan] Shut the fuck up.
Maureen!
I wasn’t doing anything!
You do not tell a kid to shut the fuck up. That’s a parent’s job. [Sits on sofa next to Maureen, holds Megan] Now, sweetie, I know you’re still adjusting to having a new sibling, okay? But in time you’ll...
Okay, bye, going to the graveyard! [runs out the door]
[sighs, to Megan] will you please turn out normal?
LCLouis Chilson
Sue, I taught you the fake crying bit. That doesn’t work on me.
S5 E5The Searchers
WOWoman on Porn Film
Professor Screw-well, there must be some way for me to make up being late to school.
RRed
You need an insertion of discipline.
[They both grunt moan and groan when the kids saw the porn film, "Fuck School". When Frank enters angrily]
BILL! [the kids gave them a shock] What the fսck is this?!
[The kids were clamoring and running away from the Former Stevenson's house]
[shocked] Dad!
[angrily] BILL!
[shrieked with a shock and shouts] SUE, DON'T LOOK!!! DON'T LOOK!!!
BBen
[peaks out of his eyes and looks at Frank] Your daddy's got an uncut hog on his face!
[starts panicking at the kids scaring him off] UGH!!! NO, NO, NO!!! GET IT OFF ME!!! GET IT OFF ME!!! [grunts, kicks the movie projecter and cause them on fire and he's shocked in horror]
S5 E6Screw Ups
That night last year, when I puked all over the table - I puked because I was hiding under the bed when you and Mom were...
[Cut to far away; some birds are disturbed as Frank screams]
NO!!!!! OH... JESUS CHRIST!!!!! NO!!!!!
[Cut to Frank driving Bill home in uncomfortable silence]
I don't care... what you do... for the rest of your life... as long... as you never speak a word of this to your mother, okay? That woman's already half dead from you kids, and th-this would put her in the ground. You hear me?
Okay. Can I still be your cop?
Only if you promise to arrest me and put me on death row.
S5 E7A Very Merry F***ing Christmas
LLouis
[after chopping a plank of wood with his hand, bows to students] ありがとう ございました.
KSKarate students
ありがとう ございました.
[gong rings]
LLouis
[in mid bow, turns head to window and sees Sue] Oh, fuck.
KSKarate students
Oh, fuck.
S5 E8Bye Bye, Frankie
SMSusan Murphy
That's enough of your "poor me" bullshit!
What did I do?!
SMSusan Murphy
Frank Murphy. This family supported you these past few weeks when all you could do was talk about Buster Thunder! So it didn't work out! And now you blame him for your shitty mood. There's always somebody to blame. Bob Pogo, or Roger Dunbarton...
Grandma Nora.
The Beatles.
Johnny Unitas that one time.
Now Bill, I've told you a thousand times, that was Earl Morrall's fault! [getting angrier and louder] Christ's sake, they put Unitas in at the end of the game, he almost pulled it out! Shit, if they put him in earlier, like they should have, they would've won instead of losing to Joe Willie Namath, THAT PANTYHOSE-WEARING FUCKING JACKASS!
[Brief silence; the rest of the family stare back at Frank in disapproval]
What?! It's true!
SMSusan Murphy
But your favorite person to blame is your father. Well, he's not here - but we are. All we want is to have a nice Christmas as a family, but you chose to mope around all day.
[furiously] IT'S NOT MY CHOICE, SUSAN! LIFE DECIDES!
[Megan starts crying]
SMSusan Murphy
Nice going, Frank. Hell of a first Christmas for your daughter.
[quietly, ashamed over his tirade] Maybe I should take a drive or something... clear my head.
SMSusan Murphy
Nobody here is stopping you.
Perfect. Perfect. Of all the things he could've said to me when he was dying, he puts in a song request. That selfish son of a bitch.
DSDick Sawitzki
He wasn't all bad. He just didn't know how to be a dad.
How fսcking hard is it to not be an asshоlе to your own kid?
DSDick Sawitzki
Well, you're here drinking on Christmas, so you tell me.
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