JFJimmy Fitzsimmons
[after throwing a snowball in Bill's face] If you cross my path today, Murphy, I will scalp you, shit in the scalp, and slap it back on your head so everybody calls you "shit-wig", and--
JFJimmy Fitzsimmons
[whimpering, backing off] Oh man, don't hurt me!
Yeah! You'd better run from me!
[Susan is shown next to him, also looking angry]
JFJimmy Fitzsimmons
[retreating] I'm afraid of your wife, you out-of-work pussy-fart!
You see that, Sue? Everybody knows. I can't even intimidate children anymore.
SMSusan Murphy
Don't let him bother you, Frank, he'll be in jail soon.
[to Sue] Oh honey, what do you need? Anything, you name it.
You can turn on the air conditioner.
It's not hot enough for it yet.
Kevin Murphy': [annoyed] What does this family have against comfort?!
Electricity costs money, Kevin. Do the math.
[smug] He can't. He failed math.
Sue Murphy[shocked] You failed math?
[still smug] And you are dumb. He has to go to summer school.
[shocked] Summer school?! [upset] We're supposed to go to the lake next month! YOU'D JUST FUCKED UP THE WHOLE SUMMER, KEVIN!!!
[to Maureen, calmly] Oh Princess, I'm yelling at Kevin right now. [to Kevin, angry] WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
Sue Murphy
Frank, stop yelling.
[angry] That is it! No more guitar! YOU'RE GONNA HAVE YOUR NOSE IN A BOOK THIS WHOLE SUMMER YOUNG MAN, IF I HAVE TO GLUE TO IT YOUR GODDAMN FACE, YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! AM I SPEAKING PLAIN ENGLISH, OR DID YOU FUCKING FLUNK THAT TOO?!
[talking back] I GOT A D-PLUS IN ENGLISH!!
[sarcastically] OHHH, A D-PLUS! WELL, LET'S HAVE A FUCKING PARADE!!!
Sue Murphy
[silently pissed off] Frank, you are not helping.
[continues] HEY, STRIKE UP THE BAND!! [mimics drumming sound and starts walking like a musician] THREE CHEERS FOR MY D-MINUS SON!!!
Sue Murphy
[outraged] FOR GOD'S SAKE, WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP!?!?!? [Frank slows his walking. Calming] It is hot. There is a creature inside me, and it is using my bladder as a speed bag. But do YOU, see ME...[angry as she picks up her plate and smashes it on the floor]...RANTING AND RAVING, LIKE A LUNATIC??? [Does the same with the bowl on the table]
[Everyone stares at her, shocked]
Why don't I turn on the air conditioning? There you go, honey! Sweet relief!
[The A/C machine sputters as bugs and smoke come out of it, then it falls to the ground outside]
AH, SHIT! [Half of a dead toad slaps him in the face]
VVic
[From far away] DON'T LICK THAT TOAD, FRANK!
WOWoman on Porn Film
Professor Screw-well, there must be some way for me to make up being late to school.
RRed
You need an insertion of discipline.
[They both grunt moan and groan when the kids saw the porn film, "Fuck School". When Frank enters angrily]
BILL! [the kids gave them a shock] What the fսck is this?!
[The kids were clamoring and running away from the Former Stevenson's house]
Sue Murphy
[angrily] BILL!
[shrieked with a shock and shouts] SUE, DON'T LOOK!!! DON'T LOOK!!!
BBen
[peaks out of his eyes and looks at Frank] Your daddy's got an uncut hog on his face!
[starts panicking at the kids scaring him off] UGH!!! NO, NO, NO!!! GET IT OFF ME!!! GET IT OFF ME!!! [grunts, kicks the movie projecter and cause them on fire and he's shocked in horror]
SMSusan Murphy
That's enough of your "poor me" bullshit!
SMSusan Murphy
Frank Murphy. This family supported you these past few weeks when all you could do was talk about Buster Thunder! So it didn't work out! And now you blame him for your shitty mood. There's always somebody to blame. Bob Pogo, or Roger Dunbarton...
Johnny Unitas that one time.
Now Bill, I've told you a thousand times, that was Earl Morrall's fault! [getting angrier and louder] Christ's sake, they put Unitas in at the end of the game, he almost pulled it out! Shit, if they put him in earlier, like they should have, they would've won instead of losing to Joe Willie Namath, THAT PANTYHOSE-WEARING FUCKING JACKASS!
[Brief silence; the rest of the family stare back at Frank in disapproval]
SMSusan Murphy
But your favorite person to blame is your father. Well, he's not here - but we are. All we want is to have a nice Christmas as a family, but you chose to mope around all day.
[furiously] IT'S NOT MY CHOICE, SUSAN! LIFE DECIDES!
[Megan starts crying]
SMSusan Murphy
Nice going, Frank. Hell of a first Christmas for your daughter.
[quietly, ashamed over his tirade] Maybe I should take a drive or something... clear my head.
SMSusan Murphy
Nobody here is stopping you.
F Is for Family · 28 quotes
