F Is for Family Season 1 quotes

Frank Murphy

I don't need a 25-dollar Bible to teach me about God! I almost bled out in Korea, all right?! I HAVE MET GOD!

Frank Murphy

That's my guy! That's my guy, Irish Mickey! You know, he would've beat Shavers the last time, but he lost on a technicality 'cause the ref thought he was bleeding too much, which he wasn't. He lost because he was drunk.

Frank

Hey, you stay away from that loose girl down on River Street. I don't want any half-slut grandkids.

Kevin Murphy

We're not doing anything!

Frank

Neither was I. That's how you got here.

Kitty Kat, make me some mac and cheese. Not the spiral kind, that makes me dizzy.

Frank

Jesus Christ, Kevin, you're not going to Vietnam.

Kevin

What? I'm not?

Frank

You really think they'd take a 14 year-old flunky? They only take 18 year-old flunkies.

They should make a chicken just of skin. I'd buy that. Everybody'd buy that.

Maureen Murphy

Cocksucker!

Frank Murphy

What?! Where did you hear that?! ... Oh, right. When your mother comes home, don't tell her I used that word.

Kevin Murphy

What if she never comes home?

Frank

DAH, YOU LITTLE COCKSUCKER! ... Your brother made me say that!

Bill Murphy

Now I gotta tell Dad I'm suspended and get him to sign this. He's gonna kill me.

Kevin Murphy

Wait, you're gonna narc on yourself? Have I taught you nothing?! They never check those things! Just forge Dad's name and take the day off.

Bill

Easy for you to say. You've never been suspended.

Kevin

I've been suspended 37 times. The system is a joke. They suspend me cause I'm a piece of shit. They give me a paper saying I'm said 'piece of shit', and I'm supposed to get my parents to sign it? Why the fuck would I do that? I'm a piece of shit! For the life of me, I don't know why they don't just call the house.

Frank Murphy

Oh, so help me God, if I started building walls today, and didn't stop for the next ten years, there still wouldn't be enough of them to FUCKING PUT YOU THROUGH!