Drew Rock quotes from Everybody Hates Chris

Drew

I was watching that!

Julius

I've seen it. Rosebud's his sled.

I was listening to that!

Julius

I heard it. The baby ain't his.

Narrator

Got that right!

How come you don't like me?

Drew

I don't know. I just don't.

It's got to be something. Do you think I'm ugly?

Drew

No.

Do you think I'm dumb?

Drew

No.

Then what is it? Just tell me the truth.

Drew

You're too tall.

Narrator

Never stopped Danny DeVito.

Narrator

Tonya and Drew couldn't watch TV, but that didn't stop them from readin' it.

Drew

Check this out. Matlock at 4:00. When Nashville star Dolly Parton gets arrested for murder, she turns to Ben Matlock.

Tonya

Look at this: Moses Gunn is gonna be on The Jeffersons.

Drew

Did you know that Little House on the Prairie was closed-captioned for the hearing impaired?

Tonya

Stephanie Mills is gonna be on Captain Kangaroo!

Drew

Hi, I'm just confirming that I have a hundred large pizzas ordered to Mr. Omar's funeral home?

I'll check.

Drew

Yes, OK. Thank you. Tragic.

Tonya

Help!

911 emergency.

Tonya

Help! They're choking me!

Drew

Come here, woman! Shut up girl! Come here!

Stay calm, ma'am.

Drew

Hey! Hey, get back here!

Chris

[about the dog] Can we name him?

Julius

He already has a name: Blackie.

Drew

But he's brown.

Julius

You black and you brown.

Greg

What are you doing?

Chris

Turning to MacGyver.

Greg

But I wanted to watch NOVA.

Tonya

NOVA?!? What is that?

Greg

It's a show on PBS about science as it relates to the universe.

Drew

Cool! That's almost like MacGyver.

Chris

Just like Lawrence Welk is like Soul Train.

Rochelle

Chris, Greg is your guest. Let him watch NOVA. [to Greg, serving dessert] Gelato?

Narrator

Is that Italian for "Jell-O?"

Greg

Thanks!

Narrator

I thought havin' Greg stay over would be fun. Probably what the Indians thought when they first saw Columbus.

Julius

How was it havin' Greg over?

Chris

Cool. Can he stay over again sometime?

Rochelle

Are you nuts?! I never worked so hard in my entire life!

Drew

And I want my bed back!

Tonya

And she is not makin' me eat no more tofu.

Julius

Whoa, you gave your brother's bed to Greg?!

Drew

And you sit up here washin' dishes for the white man!

Tonya

And that little TV show NOVA was boring!

Rochelle

I'm tired of bein' a vegetarian short-order cook!

Drew

My brain froze.

Rochelle

Well, you better thaw it out!

Narrator

Since there was no "Kwanzaa Eve" celebration for my family, Christmas Day turned into just another Wednesday.

Drew

Aren't there any Kwanzaa shows on?

Narrator

Yeah. The Bob Hope Kwanzaa Special.

Rochelle

Everything is about Christmas.

Julius

Our ancestors played games and told stories.

Rochelle

Because our ancestors didn't have TV.

Drew

See? That's Kwanzaa's second principle, kujichagulia-- self-determination.

Rochelle

Kuji-what?

Julius

We define ourselves. We don't need the man tellin' us what to watch.

Mr. Omar

What's wrong with y'all? You look like the Grinch stole your Christmas.

Julius

We're not celebratin' Christmas this year. We're celebratin' Kwanzaa.

Drew

Yeah, we're tired of being consumed by this capitalistic nation's mindless consumerism.

Mr. Omar

Tragic.

Narrator

While Tonya wouldn't speak about Kwanzaa, Drew was ready to start speakin' Swahili.

Drew

The first principle of Kwanzaa is umoja; unity. That means us black people gotta stick together.

Narrator

Well, that's it for Kwanzaa.

Drew

I don't like down South. People act too country.

Narrator

They're not acting.

Tonya

Ma, I'm hungry. Can we get a snack?

Rochelle

Are you nuts?! Have you seen the rats in this place?

Drew

Let's just go home and eat there.

Narrator

Same rats, different borough.

Drew

Maybe we can bring somebody.

Rochelle

Wait a minute. This sounds like a nice place. We can't just bring somebody.

Narrator

We thought about bringin' Vanessa.

Vanessa

I dated a French guy once. I can't stand French food. I mean, hors d'oeuvres. Who wants a piece of liver on a toothpick? [to a waiter] You got any chimichangas?

Narrator

We thought about Jerome.

Jerome

Excuse me, garçon, can we get some more silverware?

I just put some out.

Jerome

I don't know what happened to it. [it is then revealed that he stole some silverware]

Narrator

We even thought about Mr. Omar.

Rochelle

Oh, my God! He's chokin'! Help him!

Mr. Omar

Hold on! There's nothing we can do.

But he's still choking! [her husband dies]

Mr. Omar

Not anymore. Tragic!