Ray Barnett quotes from E.R.

Ray Barnett

Rule #1: feed the nurses. It makes the job 50% easier.

Abby

[after discovering that Neela got a job at the Jumbo Mart] When you said you were looking for a job, I thought you meant at another hospital or a clinic maybe.

Neela

I didn't have much luck.

Abby

You only looked for one day.

Neela

This is the only job I can get because I'm a loser.

Abby

You are not a loser.

Ray Barnett

At least you're close to the hospital.

Neela

Why did you abandon that kid?!

Ray Barnett

My shift was over.

Neela

He was counting on you!

Ray Barnett

I had a gig!

Neela

Screw your gig! Medicine isn't a day job!

Ray Barnett

This coming from someone who was making hot dogs three months ago.

Neela

I was off at 7, Abby was off at 7, but we were still there taking care of our patients.

Ray Barnett

Know what? We would never leave the hospital if we stuck around tucking in every patient.

Neela

I'm not talking about every patient. I'm talking about one kid. He trusted you with the most important decision of his life, and you left.

Where's Lockhart?

Abby

Dr. McPherson?

I didn't authorize dialysis for Sanders and you started it without my approval! I wanna speak to your Attending. [looks to see Carter off to the side]

Abby

Your patient was drowning; he needed emergency dialysis. You're an Attending on-call, I covered your ass.

You can't just deceive Attendings when you don't agree with them!

Abby

Well, if you report me for working the system, I'll report you for abandoning your patient.

Ray Barnett

Go, Abby.

Ray, the plumber came, and the shower's fixed.

Ray Barnett

Oh, Hallelujah, I love you!

Neela

You owe me eighty bucks. Ready to sign out?

Ray Barnett

[Ray's patient has cancer] Well, that sucks. She's a nice lady.

Pratt

Yeah, I hear that's a risk factor for cancer.

Carter

I need to know everything about your patients. I need to know the status of every single one of them. I need to know how they are, where they are, where they're going, why they're going. You're still an intern, Ray. I'm the attending. I'm responsible.

Ray

I'm sorry.

Jerry

Two words, Pratt: voice mail.

Carter

What's all that?

Pratt

Friends of mine begging me to go to a party after a long 12-hour shift. That's the problem with the non-medical types, they don't get it.

Par-tay tonight at Ike's! The boss man is buying, but don't get used to it. Who's on board?

Carter

[aside] Sometimes the medical types don't get it.

Ray?

Ray

Uh, other plans.

Neela?

Neela

The Apprentice is on.

Ray

What's the big hurry?

Neela

Zoey's here- she's in Exam Two.

Ray

[grins] She is?

Neela

Yes, she is. Oh! And I almost forgot. She's fourteen years old.

Ray

[pause, grins] Shut up.

Neela

She was born in 1990, Ray. [Ray's smile slips a notch]

Ray

What?

Neela

That's the decade immediately preceding the one we're in? [Ray's smile vanishes]

Ray

Are you for real?

Neela

Yes! And, in... prison math, I believe, fourteen equals five to ten? [Ray glances around worriedly]

Ray

Where is she?

Neela

Exam Two. And here's the kicker, Jerry Lee: your prepubescent penis-pal has chlamydia.

Ray

I had no idea she was that young!

Neela

Young? She's still teething. Although, I don't know, maybe you enjoy that.

Ray

She didn't say anything, how was I supposed to know?

Neela

Take her out for coffee, converse with her a bit, before you start boffing and handing out house keys!

Ray

I don't card my dates, okay?

Neela

Oh, well maybe it's time that you started.

Ray

1990?

Neela

It was a very good year for Chlamydia.

Ray

Why didn't you tell me?

I thought it was just a bladder infection from all the sex we were having.

Ray

No, God, not that. Why didn't you tell me how old you are?

Well, you never asked.

Ray

You said you were a student.

I am!

Ray

In what, 9th grade?

Eighth.

I didn't think you'd like me if you knew!

Ray

Well, you know, you're right! Because I also don't like courtrooms, and prisons, and men named Hank who make me their bitch!

Neela

I'm sorry.

Ray

Why? Because I talked myself into liking some groupie who turned out to be Hilary Duff with an STD?

Ray

Heard from Gallant?

Neela

Not yet. He got stuck.

Ray

He's still coming home, right?

Neela

Not at the moment.

Ray

Oh, that's cool. [Neela gives Ray a funny look, and he hastily retracts] I mean, too - too bad. But, uh... maybe I can come home now?

Neela

No.

Ray

No?!

Neela

It's actually quite nice without you. That smell hasn't been there since you've been gone.

Ray

But it's my place!

Tony Gates

Got another run, Mayday.

Neela

You can come back on the following conditions: no more dirty dishes in the sink, and no more using the couch as your clothes hamper.

Ray

Didn't I let you move in? [Neela looks at him pointedly] Okay, fine. Done deal. I'm on graveyard, I'll be back in the morning.

Pratt

Clear. Ah.

Ray

Still V-fib. When's the last time you saw her?

Pratt

I told you, we were a block apart. Resuming compressions. Amiodarone's onboard?

Ray

Five minutes ago. You should've kept an eye on her.

Pratt

Pronestyl drip?

Infusing.

Pratt

What, you think you could've done better?

Ray

I wouldn't have let her go into a burning building, and I sure as hell wouldn't have left her there.

[indicating the discussion between Weaver, Kovač and Clemente] Yo, Frank- que pasa?

Pratt

I think they're talking about you.

What?

Frank

Weaver kickin' their butts is my guess.

Yeah, she's gonna kick their butts right out of here if they don't stop yapping at each other.

Ray

Isn't one of them gonna be the new E.R. chief?

Frank

My money ain't on the nosebleed.

Nosebleed?

Abby

You miss just about everything, don't you?

Ray

[at Haleh's Christmas choir tryouts] You remember Debbie Allen from Fame?

Yeah.

Ray

Well, Haleh makes her look like Mother Teresa.

Haleh

Next!