Ray Barnett quotes from E.R.

Ray

I need a few weeks off.

Kerry

Why?

Ray

My band got a recording deal. We're going to L.A.

Kerry

Back away from the gurney or I will impale you with my crutch.

Ray

Kerry- [Kerry prods him sharply in the chest with her crutch]

Kerry

Back off, Elvis.

Pratt

Wait. What are you doing man? [Morris unbuttons his shirt] You got extra nipples?

Yes! Red hair, porcelain skin and four nipples. You know what gym class was like for me growing up? Hey, nipple boy, here here little piggy, look it's the ugly suckling! I heard them all

Hey! We don't knock?

Ray

On a curtain? What are you guys doing with my patient anyway?

Pratt

Nothing. Morris was just showing me his extra pair of nipples.

Oh my God! I can't believe you just violated my doctor patient privilege!

Pratt

I'm not your doctor, Morris and you sure as hell ain't my patient.

Ray

Wow, look at those! That is freaky! You should get them all pierced, wear 'em like chain mail.

Abby

Really impressive how you guys can leap from misogyny to homophobia in a single bound!

Frank

Hey, you're the one who was just calling Albright a bitch.

Abby

Oh, right- after you did! Anyway, that's not the point- the point is, why is everybody so bigoted around here?!

Ray

No more overnights for Abby.

Yeah, Kovac, your woman's starting to sound a little kooky.

Abby

Oh, Morris, I swear to God, if you ever- ever- refer to me as someone's 'woman' again, I will slap you silly with this hole-punch! [she shoves said hole-punch in his face, startling him]

Ray

Don't you mean bitch-slap?

Luka

CT scan seems a little bit confused.

I am not confused.

Ray

What's the date today?

February 9th, and I want my can opener back!

...And in Curtain One, a severe case of over-golding.

Ray

Over- whating?

Prepare to be amazed.

[to Neela about her cookies] Yeah, uhm... After careful consideration from your ER peers, plus Hector in janitorial services...

Frank

Just the feeling is, your cookies are...

Ray

The worst cookies ever made in the history of baking.

Neela

[laughing] Shut up. [long, silent pause, then angrily, while leaving] Bollocks to you all!

[calling after her] The truth hurts!

Ray! Meet my kids!

Ray

Your what?

I needed some extra cash in college, donated to a sperm bank. Best job I ever had, by the way.

Ray

I move my hips!

Kerry

Then move them over to admit.

Gates

If we have a problem man, just spit it out, 'cause I don't speak bitchy.

Ray

Oh, you seem pretty fluent to me.

Neela

[to Ray and Tony] Why don't you either slap each other silly, or kiss now and get it over with?

Ray

Jeez, could you find a bigger card?

Chuny

Despite what you've been told, Ray, size does matter.

Gates

What's your damage, Ray?

Ray

[drunk] My damage is that you walked into our E.R. like you owned the place. I don't appreciate that, and nobody else does.

Gates

[smirks] Ray, I realize that you don't like me, but sooner or later you're gonna have to get used to living with me- 'cause I ain't going nowhere.

Ray

You wanna leave a mess wherever you go? That's up to you. But there are two things I will not let you screw around with. That is patient's lives, and-

Gates

And what, Ray?

Ray

[pause, referring to Neela] And her.

Gates

Hey, I care about her, you selfish little piss-head! [Pratt and Morris move forward and try to break them up]

Ray

I bet you almost had yourself convinced about that. But, see, the problem is- is that- you're the only one that buys it!

Pratt

Come on, Ray, let's go sober up-

Gates

Wait, wait, wait. Let me just say, Ray- that thing you guys had in the past? It's over. Finished, done! [Neela appears]

Neela

Tony- [they both look at her, then back at each other]

Ray

You don't know how to take care of her. [swallows the rest of his drink]

Neela

Ray, please-

Gates

[picks up his drinks] Well, Ray- at least I'm trying. [starts to walk away, Morris looks relieved]

Ray

That's right, that's right- like you took care of Meg, huh?

Neela

[after Ray ends up in a hospital after being hit by a truck causing him to lose his legs] Is there anything I can do?

Ray

No.

Neela

Would you like me to tell anyone at County?

Ray

No. I really don't want you to do anything.

Neela

You know, I was so worried about you, I even went to our... your apartment.

Ray

Well, it's up for lease if you want to move back in. No ramps.

Neela

You know the night this... after you left the wedding, I tried calling you 'cause I wanted to talk, I was hoping...

Ray

I know, I know, I was checking the message when I got hit. So I know.

Ray

I've waited for you. I trusted you. I fought for you and I even fell in love with you. But for what? So you could just keep running back to Gates.

Neela

No, I'm not. That's what I've been trying to tell you. It's over. Tony and I are done.

Ray

Well, it doesn't really matter now, does it?

Barnett

So, that Brenner guy...

Neela

Uh-huh?

Barnett

Kinda seems like a dick.

Barnett

Uh, who's that?

Neela

Uh, new Chief of the ER.

Barnett

Another one. How many does that make?

Neela

I've lost count.