Morris quotes from E.R.

[about Carter] So, what's his story?

Frank

Richer and better looking than you or I will ever be. The end!

Frank

You waiting for Weaver?

Yeah.

Well, don't hit her. She's crippled.

Dr. Weaver, if I'm endangering any lives, I'm willing to leave.

Kerry

Good. Why don't you go stand in the middle of Lake Shore Drive and play Tiananmen Square?

Kerry

Where's Pratt?

With a patient. What do you need?

Kerry

I need Pratt-- Hey, Sam, hold up. Where are you going?

I'm going to grab with Alex and his dad.

Kerry

Did you assist Dr. Pratt in examining Campbell, the woman in Curtain 2?

Yeah.

Kerry

Was there anything unusual about the exam?

I don't think so. Why?

Kerry

He gave her a breast exam for back pain.

I don't know what her chief complaint was. I was on the phone with the blood bank and juggling five other patients.

Sounds like he TUBE'd her.

She wasn't intubated, Morris.

No, no, you know, TUBE? T-U-B-E: Totally Unnecessary Breast Exam.

You're such an ass.

Kerry

What was that?

Sorry.

Kerry

No, not you. [to Morris] Where did you hear that term?

I... I dunno. I didn't make it up.

Kerry

Well, who did?

Elizabeth

[about Carter and Kem's baby] A stillborn?

Chen

Yeah, a true knot in the chord.

Elizabeth

How terrible.

Chen

Ah, I can't even imagine!

Elizabeth

I'll try to get up there after rounds.

Kerry

Poor people. Seven months old?

Chen

Mm... Almost eight.

Yeah, tough break. [Chen, Corday and Weaver all look at him] What? I was... I was being sincere.

Neela

I can't believe we are actually graduating tomorrow.

Pratt

Neither can your future patients. Today, ill prepared students. Tomorrow, baby doctors with the fate of countless helpless victims in your incapable hands.

Yeah, they ought to make 'em wear "Caution" signs.

Pratt

Yeah. "Danger, New Doc" in big red letters on your lab coats.

Abby

Thanks for the pep-talk, Greg.

Pratt

Always happy to lend encouragement to the newbies.

Neela

Jerk.

Bastard.

Abby

Putz.

Excuse me everyone, I have an announcement to make. Effective immediately, I am your new chief resident!

Pratt

This is a joke, right?

Jerry

Two words, Pratt: voice mail.

Carter

What's all that?

Pratt

Friends of mine begging me to go to a party after a long 12-hour shift. That's the problem with the non-medical types, they don't get it.

Par-tay tonight at Ike's! The boss man is buying, but don't get used to it. Who's on board?

Carter

[aside] Sometimes the medical types don't get it.

Ray?

Ray

Uh, other plans.

Neela?

Neela

The Apprentice is on.

Carter

You set the tone, Morris.

Huh?

Carter

Never mind.

What do we do about this new nurse czar Eve something or other?

Kerry

Peyton. She came in to meet with the Emergency Services Committee and we all loved her.

Is it her job to slow the floor down to a crawl?

Abby

I thought that was your job.

My point being. All the nurses are in there, jacking away.

Abby

They're entitled to a staff meeting, Morris.

Not unless I say so... [Off Kerry's look] We say so... Not unless Dr. Weaver says so.

[about Clemente] He's annoying.

Neela

You just said you liked his bloody shoes, you wanker!

Just because he's annoying doesn't mean I can't like his shoes!

[indicating the discussion between Weaver, Kovač and Clemente] Yo, Frank- que pasa?

Pratt

I think they're talking about you.

What?

Frank

Weaver kickin' their butts is my guess.

Yeah, she's gonna kick their butts right out of here if they don't stop yapping at each other.

Ray

Isn't one of them gonna be the new E.R. chief?

Frank

My money ain't on the nosebleed.

Nosebleed?

Abby

You miss just about everything, don't you?

Abby

Dr. Kovac.

Luka

[grinning] Dr. Lockhart.

Abby

Luka, there's something not right about Glenda.

Hey, that sounds like a movie: "There's Something Not Right About Glenda", like "Invasion of the Body Snatchers," shaky camera and stuff.

Abby

Morris.

Jerry

Dr. Gallant, I'd like to offer my services in officiating at your nuptials.

What?

Jerry

I'm a Universal Life Minister- I can marry you and Neela.

Jer, I think they're looking for something legal.

Jerry

It's completely legal! I've married lots of people.

[grins] So, what- what, are you, like 'Reverend Jerry'?

Jerry

[annoyed] Actually, I go by 'Father Superior.'

Ray

[at Haleh's Christmas choir tryouts] You remember Debbie Allen from Fame?

Yeah.

Ray

Well, Haleh makes her look like Mother Teresa.

Haleh

Next!