[On the way home from dinner, Ari and Mrs Ari discover that a screenplay M Night Shyamalan gave to Ari for reading has disappeared. They stop the car to find it.]
AAri
[having checked out the backseat] Jesus Christ, the valet probably stole it.
AAri
Valets steal shit, alright? Just because they're mostly Hispanic, doesn't make a racist. You know what happens if this gets out? If someone puts Night's new ending on the Internet, MY LIFE IS OVER!
Nobody's gonna know you did it.
AAri
Yes they will, because Night, that little sick fuck, printed my name [pounds roof with every word] on every fucking page!
[Ray the Bouncer talks to Vince about something]
RRay
You know your boy you came in with? [referring to Beverly Hills mayor]
RRay
He's about to suck face with a tranny.
That's no tranny, that's Annika!
RRay
Annika's got a bigger stuff than you do, Drama.
[E and Billy try to patch up their differences over the Medellin trailer leak]
But he sent me an email at four a.m. threatening to kill me.
And then at five a.m., my editor called and told me that he got pissed at his girl last week and put a video of him giving her a facial on cumfiesta.com. She got back at him with my trailer... our trailer.
[Ari has had enough of Glenn Holden, Lloyd's replacement assistant who was originally fired at TMA in Season 2]
GGlenn
Where do you want me to go?
Anywhere but here or I will kill you.
[Eager to win the dating bet against E, Turtle try to find the woman he and Drama propositioned over Craigslist]
[sees young woman on table] Excuse me. You wouldn't happen to be Kelsey, would you?
WWoman
And even if I was, I'd say no.
[leaves her] That's just rude, honey.
[The Golds have ran out of options looking up a potential school for Jonah. Ari tries one last tack with Andrew Preston, headmaster of Sarah's school, Briar Country Day]
APAndrew Preston
What is the meaning of this?
Well, there's something that I needed, that I'd like to say to you.
PPreston
Something different than what you muttered at me under your breath this morning?
PPreston
What do you want, Mr. Gold?
Just a moment of your time so that I can say to you that through this process, I have learned from you, Mr. Preston. You are an educator and you've educated me about being a man, about being a father, and I know that you can't be bought. I tried. I know that you can't be blackmailed because you're too perfect, but I guess I want to know, can you be compassionate? Because I am coming to you, hat in hand, to ask you - to beg you - to let my son have a proper education. And don't make him suffer because he has a way too aggressive father that won't shut up on the soccer field. Okay? Please, sir, please.
PPreston
Look at you. Did you ever think given your high-power status, that you'd ever be reduced to begging and pleading?
No sir, I didn't. I didn't.
PPreston
I suppose there's a first time for everything. I myself never asked anybody for anything until now.
Is there something you need? [sits down with Preston]
PPreston
I have a son, a special boy, who works in the mail room at Abrams. I think he can do better.
How special? 'Cause, I love special. Half my lit department has an IQ under 65. So, why don't you tell your boy, that come Monday, he's got a desk, in a real agency with a real salary. All right? The things that we do for our children, huh?
PPreston
You tell Jonah, I'm looking forward to his first day, at Briar Country Day - [points finger at Ari before going back inside house] But I still don't want to see you at any soccer games. [Ari laughs]
[contemplating outcome] I love this town!
[Eric answers the phone in his new office.]
Like the new office number E? You know, it spells 274-COCK.
No, it doesn't, but I made you look!
[A proposal meeting for Mary J. Blige as a client with MGA has been disrupted by a fight between Jensen twins Jim and Jeff. Ari summons the two to his office and demands the truth]
JJJim Jensen
He fucked my wife, Ari.
No, he did not. [stammers, to Jeff] You did? You fucked his wife? [Jeff nods] As you?
Did you pretend to be him [gestures to Jim] or did she actually fuck you thinking you were you?
JJim
[To Ari] You think this is funny?
No, I think this is disgusting!
[Lloyd has connected with Dana Gordon, whom Ari wants to talk to.]
[during push-ups] Weird, huh? I used to do push-ups like this on top of Dana Gordon. True story.
[Ari and Mrs Ari argue over her guest spot in The Young and the Restless]
AAri
I'm sorry okay, I get jealous.
You're possessive. I don't want an apology for that!
AAri
What...for what, then?
For... for telling me that I'm old and that I wouldn't photograph in Hi-Def.
AAri
It's a legitimate concern. Look, I just didn't want you doing it alright, I like the way things are. I don't want you on television - I don't want some 19-year-old kissing the lips I'm supposed to be kissing, alright? Listen, if you want to go and be a soap whore everyday, just do it knowing that you make your husband miserable.
[sits near him] You think I want to do it, Ari? I gave up acting to have a family and I have never ever regretted it. I like the way things are. Just wanted [hits Ari] one day of stupid fun..
AAri
With Julio down at the schoolyard.
Well, if I'm so old and ugly, why do you even care?
AAri
Well some guys are into that -
[stands up and towers over him] Tell me that I'm sexy Ari.
AAri
You are the beautiful mother of my children [kisses Mrs Ari] and I respect you. [continues kissing]
AAri
You little fucking slut!! [beds Mrs Ari]
[E and Anna Faris are on the phone.]
You know that we've been on the phone for like, 97 minutes?
AFAnna Faris
Well, I needed something to pass the time before the Pussycat Dolls comes on.
You're obsessed, you know that?
FFaris
Hey, some people have drugs or alcohol in times of sadness, I have reality TV.
[Ari tries to convince studio head Richard Wimmer about the potential of Billy Walsh's Silo script, but Dana Gordon is determined to see Walsh and Vince fired from the project because it is not the script Walsh was paid to write.]
RWRichard Wimmer
I'm gonna tear your head off, Ari.
Please don't, because I have [shows script] your summer movie. [begins to explain script] From the director of Medellin and Queens Boulevard comes Silo. It is the story of a group of non-unionized farm hands who band together to survive a nuclear attack after discovering an underground society. It is ready to shoot, Billy Walsh is on board, Vinnie Chase is on board, and if you're not, Fox, Universal, and Sony are.
WWimmer
What's it matter? There's a summer movie in there, we pack up our shit and go home.
You said that if you're wife didn't go to Cannes, that I could.
When you said it wasn't time for me to get promoted yet.
You know what, Lloyd? I'm in the middle of a code red alert. I got military police everywhere, German shepherds ready to attack at a moment's notice, I'm facing three-hour delays and an uncertain, unsafe future. So get off my ass and go get my wife some favorite flowers!
[The boys decided not to join Sidney Pollack on his private flight to Cannes because of a lack of space and Vince's determination to bring everybody, until Kanye West's team appears at the departure lounge]
KWKanye West
[to Vince] Where you headed?
KKanye
We're headed to London, we're chilling out for a second.
KKanye
We got a little room. [points to large private jet]
