Ari Gold quotes from Entourage

Ari

[mimics voice prompt] If you need to put your phone on vibrate, it's your first meeting, Press 1.

Ari

Just as I'm sure wherever you got with this little hottie will be more than amazing. [slightly touches her] Fuck it will be orgasmic. I mean, I'm sorry I don't mean to be rude, but ever since you got here, I have not been able to take my eyes off your ass! I mean, it's the perfect shape! It's like God came down, hand-crafted it, put it on a little silver tray, and hand-delivered it to my man, Scotty! Bravo, Scotty boy! [slams fist on table; Scott's fiancee is rankled] Bravo! I'm gonna get some Scotch!

Ari

I teach my son never to let people just take things from him. It's my Israeli blood. Okay?

Ari

Yes E, I would say being rejected by Cannes before we have a distributor would be a disaster.

Ari

[tears off scriptwriters' letter] No indies, E! Think of it like the Holocaust - Never Again!

Ari

You bet your ass it will be a good script, and I'm gonna make sure they have Miss Alaska waiting in your trailer to blow you at all times.

Ari Gold

I hate myself for the fact that until today, I still don't like you...

Ari

My wife will love her, trust me. And when we're together after this, we don't have to speak to them and we get to keep all our money.

Ari

Even with a million-man army you sometimes have to do the grunt work yourself. Saddam Hussein had to hang a few without his assistants.

Ari

I do what I do and I'm pretty good about it, I'd spend every last dime that I have to show her how much I care about her.

Ari

Everyone hear my words - Bobby Flay is now my sworn enemy, which means he is yours. Now if anyone eats at or even recommends any one of that Boy-Meets-Grill fuck's establishments, it'll be Agent-Meets-Fist! [walks out]

Ari

Does your boss know you're using his house? [crowd quiets down] 'Cause I put a call into him. He and I went to school together. I helped him cheat on his Economics final. That's how he got his degree, he owes me big-time.

You called my boss?

Ari

Absolutely. You know another class I took at Harvard? Business Ethics. I don't steal other people's motherfucking clients, but in your case I'm going to make an exception. I'm going to take everyone: your B-level sitcom stars, your reality-TV writers...when I'm done with you, you're gonna be repping sideshow freaks. You need Jo-Jo the Dog-Face-Bitch-Boy? Call Josh Weinfuck, the lightweight pen-stealing fuckface. [takes drink from Josh, sips it and throws it away] That's awful.

You are a gut maggot with no guts.

Ari

Geez, you're gonna spin off this planet. I love it!

Eric

[to Ari] What's wrong with her?

Ari

From now on, you ask for my permission before you bang one of my assistants.

Eric

How'd you know about that?

Ari

'Cause I know all. I could have told you this would end badly. Now I got to fire her so you don't feel weird.

Eric

No, don't fire her.

Ari

Alright, I'll just sexually harass her until she quits.

Ari

You're ready?

Eric

Let's go Ari. We're ready, c'mon!

Ari

[points to Eric] This kid's got no patience. You know, in some countries they cut off your little elfin feet for disrupting the master's flow.

Eric

I'll shove my elfin foot up in your ass!

Ari

You missed me, didn't you?

Ari! C'mon!

Ari

All right! You're ready? AAAQUAMAN!

Aquaman?

Ari

Aquaman, baby!! It is Spiderman... underwater. Boooom!