Eric quotes from Entourage

Eric

Could you get laid without Vince? That's the question.

Turtle

Do I give a fuck? That's the answer!

Turtle

Sure, Eric... you had to beg for pussy on prom night.

Eric

Yeah, but I begged my GIRLFRIEND, Turtle... not some $40 hooker who declined my mother's credit card.

Turtle

E, the movie's huge bro. Relax, Joanne says its destined to be a classic.

Eric

Oh, Joanne says its destined to be a classic. She's destined to be in a fucking insane asylum!

The Earth is moving. Did you feel that? Everything. All the time. Dimensions we can't even see. Everything is evolving. Turtle, you're a dove.

Turtle

That's cool. Can I hit that, Sherp? Thanks.

Eric

You afraid of getting busted?

Busted? I'm entrusted, man. I don't steal. I heal. We're not getting stoned. We're getting honed. My probation officer's one of my best customers. I'm a prisoner. I'm a prisoner of, uh, war. War on Drugs. It's all so negative, man. I mean, the Man's most positive positive-tive is a nega-tive. It's a mega-nega-tive. Right? [shouts] Viking Quest! Let them be low. We are getting high. We're not getting fucked down. We're getting fucked up.

Eric

[to Ari] What's wrong with her?

Ari

From now on, you ask for my permission before you bang one of my assistants.

Eric

How'd you know about that?

Ari

'Cause I know all. I could have told you this would end badly. Now I got to fire her so you don't feel weird.

Eric

No, don't fire her.

Ari

Alright, I'll just sexually harass her until she quits.

Ari

You're ready?

Eric

Let's go Ari. We're ready, c'mon!

Ari

[points to Eric] This kid's got no patience. You know, in some countries they cut off your little elfin feet for disrupting the master's flow.

Eric

I'll shove my elfin foot up in your ass!

Ari

You missed me, didn't you?

Ari! C'mon!

Ari

All right! You're ready? AAAQUAMAN!

Aquaman?

Ari

Aquaman, baby!! It is Spiderman... underwater. Boooom!

Eric

Tom Cruise is going to play Pablo Escobar? C'mon, the guy's not even Hispanic.

Ari

Yeah, and Hilary Swank has a vagina, but she won an Oscar pretending she has a dick. That's what actors do. They pretend.

Eric

All right, I got it. So what if Cruise passes?

Ari

Then they go to Brad Pitt. He passes, they go to Keanu Reeves, and on down the list.

Eric

Where is Vince on that list?

Ari

He ain't on the list.

Eric

Well, how do we get him on the list?

Ari

You do Aquaman, you stupid fuck!

Drama

Let me get this straight. She convinces you to get these extravagant accommodations and then she bails?

Eric

She didn't bail, she got sick. Before the date, unlike your girls, that get sick when they arrive.

Ari Gold

[answering "emergency" phone call from Eric during a marriage counseling session] There better be a SCUD missile headed towards Beverly Hills, Eric.

Eric

No, it's a fucking iceberg, Ari.

Ari Gold

What?

Eric

James Cameron's directing Aquaman.

Ari Gold

Fuck you. Where'd you hear that, Friendster?

Eric

No, I heard it from Josh Weinstein, jerkoff. Now, why don't you get your hand off your dick and go call somebody.

Ari

[talking to Lloyd over the phone] I don't care if he's in the Arctic shelf. Get James Cameron on the phone, get Dana Gordon on the phone, tell her assistant that if she does not call me back, I'll fuck her worse than I did in Cabo in '92.

Lloyd

Do you really want me to say that?

Ari

Improvise, Lloyd. I'll there in 90 seconds, find out who covers Warners. If all of this is not taken care of, I'll choke you out with a strap-on!

Ari

Sounds like you might too. But I'll tell you what, Domino's is hiring. Why don't you put that little pizza sign on top of your Maserati. Now that, is comedy.

Eric

Yeah, and getting dragged through your office, in front of your entire staff by a guy half your size, Now, that's tragedy [hangs up phone]

Any big news stories today, E?

Eric

What do you mean?

Mandy's really smart. She was always testing me on what was going on in the world.

Turtle

I heard Pamela Anderson dropped another tit size.

Drama

I remember I broke up with Stacy Laruzzo a week before Valentine's Day. I got back with her a week after. No chocolates, no roses...

Eric

No class.

He didn't call?

Ari

No, he did not call.

Eric

Jesus Christ!

[to Ari] No, you're fucking pathological.

Ari

Listen. Read Jack Welch, Tony Robbins, Phil Jackson. Motivation! This shit works! You want to be Shaq or Kobe? Michael or Scotty? Damon or Affleck?

Eric

[angrily] Ari, do you want to be out of our lives, man, 'cause this could seriously be the end of you.

Ari

I am your biggest fan, I think you are this close to being the biggest movie star on the planet but you are slipping...over a girl? I've never seen you like this before and it worries me.

Eric

Well, worry about yourself, he's fine.

No, E...he's right to worry about me, I mean you both are, fuck! I'm worried about me. I mean, look at me, I've been lying to you guys like a fuckin' drug addict. I didn't oversleep, I didn't want to go, I never want to leave her side, not for five seconds. I've never been like this in my life, guys. And the truth of the matter is, I don't give a fuck about the movie anymore. I could live with Mandy in a one-bedroom in Chatsworth and I'd be happy. I mean it's nuts, but it's the truth.

Ari

Vinny...

Ari, there's nothing more to say, I'm sorry I lied. [leaves with E]

Drama

It's like chummin' for sharks, Vince. You throw enough blood and guts in the water, you're bound to catch a great white.

Eric

Yeah, except there's gonna be fifty girls at the party who all show up thinkin' they're your dates.

Turtle

And what happens when fifty sharks show up lookin' for their goodies, E? [with Drama] Feeding frenzy!

Ari

[to Turtle] Hey, moron. He's 13.

Drama

In celeb years, it's like 30.

Eric

So what's that make you, Drama? Like, 140?

Drama

So you're admitting I'm a celeb.