Ed quotes

Warren

[to Mark, about his night with Stella] Last night, I, Warren P. Cheswick, became a man!

Warren

[to Stella] Where do you want to live? When I graduate high school?

[to Warren about Stella] You're acting like a puppy who just tasted his first Snausage.

Shirley

[describing her missing Mexican Jumping bean] It looks like a regular bean but every now and then it bounces in a particularly disappointing way.

Phil

[as president, in Ed's dream] Mr. Vice President, there is nothing more important than the day a boy becomes a man in the eyes of God.

Mike

[reliving high school, in Ed's dream] Can I put my collar down now?

Ed

[on his version of ebonics, in his dream] I'm just a white guy from Ohio, I'm doing the best I can here.

Phil

[as president, in Ed's dream] Say the word and I will Air Force One our asses to Cancun.

Nancy

[about Mike and Dr. Jerome] They're like two nine-year-olds fighting over a Zagnut bar.

With all due respect, Mrs. Burton, your husband is a slack jawed llama.

Nancy

[explaining the consequences if Mike and Walter don`t get along] Dr. Jerome I will break into your house in the middle of the night and beat you with my bare fists.

Carol

[describing Frankie] Hello I'm a sweet little pixie one minute, and I'm a hot little pixie the next.

Nancy

[to Mike, pondering Ed's qualifications for babysitting] Well, he's no weirder than you are and you're her father.

Nancy

[to Ed about her daughter] If anything happens to her, I'll make it my life's work to destroy everything you hold dear.

Mike

[feeling Linda`s hands, kept smooth with her own moisturizer] Yup, pretty moist there Linda.