Let's spend another Friday night in my basement, eating my mom's zucchini bread and watching Battlebots.
S2The Stars Align
I knew it! I knew it! I'm going upstate. Oh my god. I'm going upstate to visit some guy with a name like Ice or Big Daddy. He's gonna make me his bitch and he's gonna trade me for a carton of cigarettes or a girlie magazine!
[to Ed] It would have been a much better story if you, Bonnie, and Carol all started kissing each other.
I remember a time when television used to entertain us with the craftsmanship of writing, acting, directing. Now they just try to shock us with the drek of sensationalistic sewage.
[to Ed] I'm not afraid of you being my boyfriend. I'm afraid of you being my ex-boyfriend.
S2Changes
[comparing himself and Mike with Dennis] Cool guys? Cool guys? No thank you, we'd much rather be a couple of dorks.
GMGeorge McPherson
[on why he wants to change his name] Life's too short to be someone you don't want to be.
[watching as Ed`s "Hat Man" tries to pick up women in the bar] This is like watching a really cute puppy trying to have sex with a hooker.
While I pride myself in having a facile sense of humor, steeped in both satire and irony, I choose not to use it here.
[after Ed makes fun of his pants] Dockers kick ass, Ed.
S2A Job Well Done
I manage a bowling alley. It's my job to trade in dreams and illusions. Oh my child, you wouldn't understand...
Phil, get your hand off my face.
[sitting on a horse ride at a playground] Look at me everybody! I'm a cowboy! Yee haw!
S2Crazy Time
If this is the first annual party, how can you be taking it to the next level?
[on his pep rally plans] I'm gonna rock this hizzy!
[on accepting Jim`s invitation to join him at the Goat] I have the willpower of a lima bean.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Ed pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.