[to Phil, about Eli's arrival] Before he came, you were a cold narcissistic cipher. Now you seem almost human.
S3Babysitting
S3Second Chances
[to Mike, as hecontemplates buying a "how to" guide] I'm sure you're simply a fantastic lover.
[after wowing Nancy in bed] Men don't understand love making is a delicate blend between soul and flesh.
[to Nancy, who complained that he is not willing to make extra effort in the bedroom] You have been getting steak all week and are complaing about a turkey club now?
S3The Movie
[to Carol, refusing to let her give up on Ed] If you give up, I will kill you with my bare hands, which we both know I can do 'cause I?m quite a bit stronger.
[to Stella, as she breaks up with him] Panic is the enemy, Stella, panic is the enemy!
[on Carol's intentions] She just wants to bat me around like a kitty cat with a half dead mouse.
S3The Decision
[to Ed] Can you tell me you are 100% certain that you do not want to be with me? Because if you can, just say the word and I will walk right out that door.
[about his office] This is where all the magic happens, if you call throat cultures magic.
Excuse me, Dr. Burton, I hate to interrupt, but I need you in the exam room. Could you please take your thumb out of your ass and join me?
[after Nancy said that Mike's co-ed friend was a babe and a half] She was nothing compared to my wife, who's a babe and three quarters.
[to Carol] Everywhere I went, I saw us... I love you. I love every part of you.
Can I please kiss you now?
S4New School
[on why she isn't inviting Ed in] Tonight was absolutely perfect and I want to remember it just exactly as it is.
[finding out that Willie Butch costs $1000] Lineage!? I'm buying a dog, not the Prince of Wales!
[on learning Willie Butch`s pedigree is not all it was cracked up to be] I paid for the caviar of dogs and got the Starkist.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Ed pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.