[on why she isn't inviting Ed in] Tonight was absolutely perfect and I want to remember it just exactly as it is.
S4New School
[finding out that Willie Butch costs $1000] Lineage!? I'm buying a dog, not the Prince of Wales!
[on learning Willie Butch`s pedigree is not all it was cracked up to be] I paid for the caviar of dogs and got the Starkist.
Do you think Willie Butch knows I'm human or does he just think I'm a really talented dog?"
They're pies with the selling power of hot cakes. It's the best of both worlds.
S4New Car Smell
[about talking to Ed about Carol] I thought he was being an idiot, but of course, I couldn't come right out and say that..actually, I could come right out and say that.
[to Carol, as she is moving in] Welcome to my humble abode... or as the plains Indians would say, my humble adobe.
[about his history with Carol] We just...POW...you know, it was just this intense attraction that wouldn't, nay couldn't, be denied.
[to Ed] I recognize the full irony in what I'm about to say, but do you think there's any way I can interest you in screwing the top back on the toothpaste?
[when Nancy gets upset that he brings home low fat instead of skim] Look at the 98 percent of the milk I got right.
S4The Dream
[trying to convince Ed to hire him as a jockey] I'm actually deceptively light. I have the bone structure of a bird.
If dreams are safe, then they're not really dreams, are they? They're plans.
[to Carol] I might not always agree with you, but I will always be with you and I'm sorry it took me so long to figure that out.
[on his poor SAT score] One stupid test and I'm road kill on the highway of natural selection.
S4History Lessons
[as Nancy chimes in on their conversation] That's what I love about her, Ed. She has no idea what I'm talking about and still she has an answer.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Ed pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.