Mindy quotes from Drake & Josh

Mindy

You handled that really well, better than I did.

Mindy, how could you?!

Mindy

How could you give me a B?! I'm perfect, better than all of you!

Mindy, you're suspended. Drake, you're not. I gotta get some soup.

Mindy

Oh, Josh. Don't you ever learn that I can outsmart you anytime I want?

Josh

Oh, yeah?

Mindy

Yeah. Say fort.

Josh

Fort.

Mindy

Say fort 3 times.

Josh

Fort, fort, fort.

Mindy

Spell it twice.

Josh

F-O-R-T, F-O-R-T.

Mindy

Say it 2 more times.

Josh

Fort, fort.

Mindy

Now, what do you eat soup with?

Josh

With a fork! Ha!

Mindy

Really? Because I eat my soup with a spoon.

Drake

Yeah, cause if you eat soup with a fork, all the liquid would just fall down from the-

Josh

[screaming] I KNOW!

Mindy

Maybe I just like you!

Josh

Maybe I just like you, too!

Mindy

Oh, really?!

Josh

Yeah. Maybe I've liked you for a really long time, but I didn't realize it 'cause I hated you so much!

Mindy

Are you saying you like me or not?

Josh

Are you saying you like me or not?!

Mindy

I'm saying I like you!

Josh

Well, I'm sayin' I like you!

Mindy

Fine!

Josh

Fine!

Mindy

Then I guess we're boyfriend and girlfriend!

Josh

1 condition!

Mindy

What?

Josh

I get to be the boyfriend!

Josh

Hey, Mindy.

Mindy

Hi. Um, what are you doing at my window?

Drake

Alright. Uh, Tori.

Josh

[in a very girly voice] What is it, Drake?

Drake

Okay, I can't do this if he's gonna talk like that.

Josh

I'm being a girl.

Drake

What girl has a mustache other than your grandmother?

Josh

[angrily] THAT TEARS IT!

Mindy

[stops the fight] Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Alright, just do this.

Drake

Tori?

Mindy

Now take her hands.

Drake

Now, I-I really like you I- [Josh hums again] But-but I think we have to break up! [Josh begins to cry] See! I can't handle it!

Mindy

Just keep going you can handle it.

Drake

Look I-I just think I should date other people and you should too!

Josh

[in a very girly voice] Well, I guess I understand.

Drake

Uh, just one more thing.

Josh

[whining] Yes?

Drake

SHAVE OFF THE MUSTACHE!

Josh

[angrily] OUT! [he makes Drake leave]

Josh

[incredibly furious after making Drake stop fighting by picking him up] IT'S A DRAW!

Josh, who are these people?

Josh

Uh, this is my brother Drake. Drake, this is-

He's your brother?

I knew it! I knew these were not the kind of people our daughter should be associating with. Mindy, we're going!

Mindy

Dad, mom, wait!

Josh

[incredibly furious at Drake] You see what you do? 1 night. 1 night, I ask you to help me and you ruin it!

Drake

Josh.

Josh

[still incredibly furious] Look, I-I told you how important this was to me. I told you that this was my last chance to impress Mindy's parents. I-I spent like 2 days working on this dinner and I spent like 300 bucks on a dumb harpist, who at this point, SHOULD STOP PLAYING! [the harpist stops playing] And I don't even care what you think of Mindy, alright? Because she is the best thing that ever happened to me and I can't date her anymore because you wrecked it! Alright, y-y-you you wrecked my dinner, you wrecked my $100 ice sculpture, and you wrecked my relationship!

Drake

[confused] Y-You spent $100 on ice?

Lucy

[breaks up the brothers from fighting] Stop!

Listen, Josh. I think...that you and Mindy should continue dating.

Josh

[surprised] For real?

Mindy

[also surprised] Why'd you changed your mind?

Because any young man who cares that much about our Mindy. I think you understand.

Josh

[relieved] Thank you so much, Mr. & Mrs. Crenshaw.

Just one thing.

Josh

Yes, sir?

[to Drake and Lucy] What were you two fighting about?

Lucy

Oh, see, I challenged him to a wrestling match because he didn't believe that I was tougher than him.

Well, of course you're not. [chuckles]

Lucy

Huh?

Physically, boys are genetically superior to girls.

Drake

Ah, thank you.

Oh, Paul, you sound like an idiot.

Mindy

You tell him, mom.

You know, fighting has to do with skill, not male-vs-female genetics.

Oh, don't be absurd. Men are tougher than women.

Oh, I have stakes tougher than you.

Megan

Well, I guess there's only one way to settle this.

FIGHT!

Josh

What do you want?

Megan

There's a couple of guys outside stealing your bike.

Josh

Oh I just moved the chain, HANDS OFF MY RIDE! [runs outside] Hey!

Mindy

Maybe, I should call the police.

Megan

Nah, no ones stealing his bike.

Mindy

What did you tell him that for? You got him all upset for nothing.

Megan

Yeah.

Mr. Roland

Josh, Mindy. The new chemistry textbooks just arrived. They're in my classroom.

Mindy

No way!

Josh

Oh, come on!

Craig

Hey, remember in Dragon to Death when Billy Chang fights Joaquin the Dream?

Eric

Remember? One does not forget the woo-choo fist of silence. [Tries to demonstrate, only to accidentally punch Drake in the eye and knock him out in the process] Oh, my God!

Craig

Drake, are you alright!?

Josh

Yo, Drake, get that!

Drake

Got it. [opens the door and finds Mindy there] Oh, is it Halloween already? Aren't you a scary, little witch?

Mindy

Oh, look at your black eye. Well, I hope it hurts.

Drake

You shebeast.

Mindy

Microbrain.

Drake

Weirdface.

Mindy

Ignoramus.

Drake

[beat] What?

Mindy

Exactly.

Hey.

Mindy

Oh, hey.

Sorry, I had to park the car at the bottom of the hill.

Mindy

Oh, no problem. Step aside. [both walk inside. Drake suspects Chad to be Mindy's new boyfriend and goes into the kitchen, while Josh and Craig set up the projector]

Drake

JOSH!

Josh

[jumps, accidentally flips the projector] Aw, now I gotta reset the white balance.

Drake

No, I need to talk to you! [to Craig] Get out. [Craig walks out]

Josh

What?

Drake

Mindy's here.

Josh

I know, I invited her.

Drake

Did you invite him? [turns Josh's head around towards Chad]

Josh

Who's him?

Drake

Her date.

Josh

[shudders] I don't care.

Drake

Yes, you do.

Mindy

[yells; panicked after crazy Steve goes insane] Help! Crazy Steve's gone berserk!

Crazy Steve!?

Mindy

WHO ELSE!?

Josh

But it's Monday, you can't schedule crazy Steve to work on a Monday!

Helen

Monday's his bad day!

Mindy

Well, no-one TOLD me that!

Crazy Steve

COCK-CA-DOODLE-DOO, THE COW SAYS MOO!!!