Mr. Roland quotes from Drake & Josh

Mr. Roland

Alright, class, close your books, put all materials underneath your desk. Drake, stop kissing Kat. Your exam is about to begin. You will have exactly 55 minutes to complete your-

Josh

[all sweaty from running all the way to class after Drake left him behind, bumps into the door] PLEASE! PLEASE, LET ME IN!! I'M SORRY I'M LATE! [Drake looks at him from his desk]

Mr. Roland

[Opens the door] Mr. Nichols, you know the rule.

Josh

B-But you don't understand. You see, I was just about to-

Mr. Roland

I understand that you are late, and when you're late to my class, you're not welcome in my class.

Josh

Uh, b-but w-what about the exam?

Mr. Roland

You will take a make-up exam next Saturday morning at 6AM, and you will be marked down 1 letter grade!

Josh

[very upset and despairing] Oh, no. No-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh!!! [Points at Drake angrily] YOU!

Drake

[defensively] What?

Josh

[yells and runs in the classroom to attack Drake, only to be held back by the other students, while Drake stares] COME HERE! COME HERE, YOU WANNA TUSSLE!? LET'S GO!! LET ME CLOSER!!!

Mr. Roland

[enraged] Mr. Nichols! Mr. Nichols, you will leave this classroom NOW!

Josh

But I-

Mr. Roland

NOW!

Josh

I just-

Mr. Roland

NOW!

Josh

[defeated] Now...? [leaves the classroom as Mr. Roland locks the classroom door, as Josh continues trying to plead his case] Now, if you would just allow me to explain, OH!!! [Mr. Roland yanks down the door window shade]

Mr. Roland

As I was saying, you will have 55 minutes to complete your exams. [Mr. Roland walks over to the classroom windows to close the blinds as Josh from outside still tries to plead his case.] You will use a #2 pencil.

Josh

[sobbing] I work so hard!

Mr. Roland

[closes first blind] Not #1, not #3.

Josh

[sobbing] So unbelievably hard!

Mr. Roland

[closes second blind] If you have any questions during the exams, don’t ask them!

Josh

[sobbing] I really do, I give everything a hundred…

Mr. Roland

[closes last blind] I want silence in this classroom! Silence is golden.

Josh

[freaks out] Nooo! Nah! Nah! Nah! Nah!

Drake

[after being switched with another lab partner named Clayton, messes up his science experiment, causing green water to flow and spill over his hand] Whoa-whoa! Hey-hey! What's happening, what's happening!? Oh-okay-okay-okay! Arms tingling, arms tingling!

Craig

Chemical emergency! [turns on the alarm]

Mr. Roland

Let's get him in the power-shower! [grabs Drake and carries him into the chemical shower, as Josh watches in shock]

Drake

Hey-hey! Watch it, will you-!? What is this!? [Roki shuts the door, Mr. Roland turns on the water] What are you, what are you-!? AAA-OOHHHH!!!! [Starts yelling as the hot water stingingly washes off the chemicals]

Mr. Roland

Drake, are you alright?

Drake

Hey! What is this water!? Ow! [continues yelling as everybody, including Josh, watches]

Mr. Roland

[turns off the water] Drake, you may come out now. [Drake comes out, all soaked and groaning] Sit down, Drake. [Drake ignores him, walks towards the door] Drake, sit down!

Drake

No!

Mr. Roland

Drake!

Drake

Josh!

Josh

What?

Drake

Look, I'm sorry.

Josh

Well--

Drake

Look, let me finish, okay? I was wrong, okay? I was wrong.

Josh

What do you mean?

Drake

I-I need you more than you need me. Uh, I-I need you way more than you need me, a-alright? I'm sorry. M-Man, I'm sorry I made you late for your exam, and I'm sorry I ran over your bike, and I, uh-- I-I'm sorry, I'm probably the worst brother in the world! And y-you know, you're way better off without me, you know? I just-- I just need you to understand that-- uh, I just-- Sorry, Josh, I'm sorry. [tearfully walks out of the classroom, leaving Josh stunned]

Mr. Roland

Josh, would you like to go talk to Drake?

Josh

[realizes he has gone a little too far for cutting Drake out of his life, seeing how he learned his lesson the hard way; and yet…] No. No, sir.

Mr. Roland

Alright. Class, let's get back to our experiments.

Mr. Roland

Josh, Mindy. The new chemistry textbooks just arrived. They're in my classroom.

Mindy

No way!

Josh

Oh, come on!

Craig

Hey, remember in Dragon to Death when Billy Chang fights Joaquin the Dream?

Eric

Remember? One does not forget the woo-choo fist of silence. [Tries to demonstrate, only to accidentally punch Drake in the eye and knock him out in the process] Oh, my God!

Craig

Drake, are you alright!?