[Craig and Eric are at home watching Papa Nichols]
Drake said he'd be asleep all night.
PNPapa Nichols
[wakes up] Oh, where am I? What's happened?
PNPapa Nichols
What did you call me?
Oh. Uh, nothing, sir. I was just, uhh...
PNPapa Nichols
What have you done with the rest of my unit?
What does he mean, his unit?
[Papa Nichols picks up his slipper]
I guess he thinks he's back in World War II.
PNPapa Nichols
[uses his slipper as a walkie-talkie] General Patton, sir. It's Sergeant Nichols. I've just been captured by 2 German nerds!
Oh. No, no, sir. We're not Germans.
PNPapa Nichols
That's just what a German would say!
No, no, no. You don't understand...
PNPapa Nichols
No, no. You will not capture me. [bonks Eric in the head] Ever!
PNPapa Nichols
[mumbling] Get outta here! [Craig screams as Papa Nichols throws him over the couch] USA! USA! USA! [starts running off] USA! USA! USA! USA!
[after Papa Nichols leaves, Craig and Eric are sitting on the floor feeling themselves in pain]
[Craig and Eric are at home, looking for Papa Nichols]
[looks out the window] Papa Nichols?
[in the kitchen] Papa Nichols?
[he comes out of the kitchen] Why is he hiding from us?
Well, I guess he's confused on the count of all that medication they gave him after his surgery.
[they look up as Papa Nichols screams and falls from the ceiling and lands on top of them]
PNPapa Nichols
Ahh, ahh. USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!
[Eric is in Drake and Josh's room looking for Papa Nichols]
Craig, I found him! He's upstairs!
Ohh. [hollars] Thank goodness!
Papa Nichols. Papa Nichols, are you feeling better? [he opens the covers, but Papa Nichols pranks him as he covers him in a pillowcase]
[Craig hears the commotion as Papa Nichols screams and throws Eric out of Drake and Josh's window]
PNPapa Nichols
General Patton, I just found another one! [he salutes]
[Papa Nichols has tied Craig and Eric to chairs, with a broom on his hand]
PNPapa Nichols
Alright. For the last time, what have you done with Colonel Bradford?
Uh, actually, I'm from North Lawndale. See, last year, city council-
[Eric's phone is ringing revealing it's Josh]
PNPapa Nichols
What's that noise?! Where's it coming from?
[Papa Nichols takes Eric's phone out of his pocket]
PNPapa Nichols
What is this? Is it some kind of weapon? Are you two from the future?!
No, that's just my cell phone.
PNPapa Nichols
It's a trick. Incoming!
[Papa Nichols throws the phone at the wall, breaking it thinking it was a weapon]
Oh no! He ruined my picture phone! It had all of our vacation photos on it.
From Niagara Falls? Aw, man!
Well. I should wake him up and take him to the guest room. Papa Nichols. Papa Nichols. Wake up. It's time to-
PNPapa Nichols
AH! [wakes up and punches Walter, knocking him out satisfied; laughs] Nice try, German! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! [he runs off while Drake, Josh, and Audrey can't believe how crazy he is as the episode ends]
[during the end credits, Craig goes to Drake and Josh's room to look for Papa Nichols]
Eric! Eric? Eric. Eric? Eric? [he opens the closet door but he got runs off as Papa Nichols pranked him]
PNPapa Nichols
Tell the marines the beach is secure! [he runs off to get Craig]
Drake & Josh · 289 quotes
