Crazy Steve quotes from Drake &amp; Josh

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Scenes with Crazy Steve 8

Crazy Steve

Hey, Josh.

Oh hey, Craz- Uh, Steve.

Crazy Steve

Heh. So, I got that uh, I got that foreign film ready for ya in Theater 5.

Oh uh, oh okay. Well, um, the thing is we, we decided to see Puppet Fever instead.

Crazy Steve

Well, that's going to be a little problem. See because, when you asked me to find that movie for you, I, I spent five hours on the phone tracking it down and talking Helen into letting me screen it for you. So, now that I've done all that... [furious] SOMEBODY'S GONNA BE WATCHING ICK GLOKMAH, TONIGHT! OR ELSE SOMEBODY'S GONNA BE AN ORGAN DONOR BEFORE THEIR 17TH BIRTHDAY, JOSH NICHOLS!!!

[to Drake and Yooka] So, I'm going to see Ick Glokmah.

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[Without Josh, Drake begins suffering bad luck, while Josh's life improves with more good luck than ever, even passing his make-up exam and getting his grade back up]

[arrives at the Premiere] Hello, Josh.

Hi, Drake.

Why are you all sweaty?

I'm all sweaty because I ran out of gas and I had to walk all the way here because SOMEBODY forgot to fill up the car!

It's not my responsibility to fill the car with gas.

You always fill up the car!

Used to, now I put in just enough gas for myself.

Well, good! You know, good for you! I DON'T NEED YOUR GAS! And just so you know, I'm gonna go see a movie right now and I don't need a free ticket from you cause mom paid me 10 bucks to get out of the house! So I don't need you for ANYTHING!

LLeah

Movie tickets here are $11.

What?

Eric

And popcorn and soda are gonna cost you another 6 or 7.

D'oh! You know what? I'm not even gonna buy a ticket, I'm just going in. Right, just going right in! [yells at ticket checker employee, he stubbornly walks into theater 7]

[clears throat, grabs the communicator] Security, we have a problem in theater 7: male Caucasian, sweaty, wearing a gray sweatshirt. [beeps] So what's the difference between a hoagie and a submarine sandwich?

Steve

I always thought a hoagie was a hot sandwich, and a submarine could be served hot or cold.

No, I think it's the other way around.

Eric

Okay, but what's a grinder?

LLeah

Same thing as a hoagie.

[getting dragged by the security guards] Hey! Hey! Let go, let go! Josh, Josh! Tell them to let me go! Josh, Josh! Tell them! Tell them! Look this way, I know this guy, I know this guy. Ask him, ask him.

SGSecurity Guard

Is this guy a friend of yours?

[pause]

[satisfied] No, he's not.

[frustrated] Josh!! Oh. You're gonna regret this, Josh! You need me! YOU NEED ME!!!

So, hoagie and grinder same thing, huh?

LSLeah, Steve, Eric, & Craig

[All talking at once in agreement] Yes./That's right./Uh-huh./Yeah.

Steve

All in the sandwich family.

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Crazy Steve

Excuse me, Josh.

What?

Crazy Steve

I notice you're stacking that candy in an angry way.

I AM angry. Alright, Mindy's over there with her new boyfriend, rubbing him right in my face.

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LLady

That's them, those 2 men from Ireland!

Helen

Stop the film!

Crazy Steve

WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?!?!

CCorey

These 2 freaks just tried to steal my popcorn and then sat on my girlfriend!

Ah, she's too young to be havin' a boyfriend!

She's just a wee-er!

Wee!

Megan

Wait a minute... [rips off their fake beards] What are you boobs doing here?!

CCorey

Who are they?

Megan

My idiot brothers.

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TThronton

[finds Maria and Drake kissing each other; enraged] MARIA!!!

MMaria

Thronton!

Free popcorn???

TThronton

What are you doing, Parker!?

Kissin' a girl, what are you doin'?

[Maria tries to explain]

TThronton

You were kissing my girlfriend!

Oh, ya know, that reminds me of a funny story-

TThronton

What's the matter with you!?

MMaria

I'm sorry! He's just an awesome kisser.

Ah, no, he's not, no, he's not! Thronton, you're way better! Kiss 'em, kiss 'em right now!

TThronton

Not a chance! We are over!

Aw, c'mon, Thronton!

TThronton

And you, you are uninvited to my birthday party!

Wha- Hey! Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! I didn't know she was your girlfriend!

Yeah, he didn't know she was your girlfriend!

TThronton

You, too! Uninvited!

[sobs] AUGH! THAT'S NOT FAIR!

Crazy Steve

Excuse me! No yelling in the theater area.

LLady

[taps Steve's shoulder] Excuse me, where's the ladies' restroom?

Crazy Steve

I AM TALKING TO PEOPLE!

Thornton

UNINVITED!!! [storms away]

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Crazy Steve

[looks at his watch] It's time! [he steals old man's cane and starts chasing Josh] You ate my enchilada!

There was no note!

Crazy Steve

You ate my enchilada!

There was no note!

Crazy Steve

You ate my enchilada!

I thought we settled this!

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Mindy

[yells; panicked after crazy Steve goes insane] Help! Crazy Steve's gone berserk!

JHJosh & Helen

Crazy Steve!?

Mindy

WHO ELSE!?

But it's Monday, you can't schedule crazy Steve to work on a Monday!

Helen

Monday's his bad day!

Mindy

Well, no-one TOLD me that!

Crazy Steve

COCK-CA-DOODLE-DOO, THE COW SAYS MOO!!!

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Crazy Steve

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out...

LLula

[annoyed] I know how to breathe!

Crazy Steve

[screaming] JUST DO WHAT I SAY!

LLula

[scared] Okay.

Eric

What did you do!?

I just plugged in the 5-K!

Helen

I'll PLUG IN YOUR 5-K!!! [grabs Craig's head]

[screams] She's got my head! She's got my head! She's got my head! [others take Helen off of him]