[Megan and Josh enters Drake and Josh's room]
I so don't want to do this!
JoshCome on! Just work with me for 10 minutes!
He wants me to help him rehearse his lines for FBI's Most Wanted.
[to Josh] Dude, you are taking this acting thing way too seriously!
Josh
I just want to be good, alright?
It's acting, you show up, you say some stuff, you go home, anyone could do it.
Josh
Okay Megan, when I walk through the door, just react naturally to what I say. [he leaves the room] Megan, you ready?
Wait, let me go over my line. [looks at her script] What? Okay, I'm ready!
Josh
Drake, yell action!
[unenthusiastically, while playing some notes on his guitar] Action.
Josh
[walks through the door] Where's the money?
Josh
Where's the money? You give me the money, I ain't playing! [Megan giggles] Oh come on! You can't giggle!
You said to react naturally. You tried to act tough so naturally I laughed.
Josh
Okay, don't react naturally, act the way you would if I was a big scary robber. [leaves the room] Drake!
[unenthusiastically, while playing some notes on his guitar] Action.
Josh
[walks through the door] Where's the money?
Josh
Where's the money? You give me the money, I ain't playing!
There's a cop behind you.
Josh
[turns around] What cop? [Megan pushes him through the door and locks it] Megan! Open this door! Alright, fine! I'll just bust it down! [tries to get in, but he falls to the floor] Never mind.
[Drake and Megan laugh]
[Drake helps Josh dress up as a hippie to avoid getting caught]
Josh
I feel like an idiot.
Josh
[he walks out, in a hippie disguise] I look so stupid.
So, at least you're not gettin' beat up or arrested.
Josh
I guess. What it ease? People are staring at me.
So, just ignore 'em. At least it's working.
MMan
Hey, it's the Theater Thug!
Josh
No, no, no!
MMan
And he's wearing a hippie disguise!
Josh
No, no! See, my name is Antoine. How are you?
OOld Lady
Don't let him get away!
Josh
[being crowded] I'm--no, I'm not the guy! hey, It's not me! I'm... [whistles blows] Wait, wait! [dragged by the police] I'm not the guy! You've got the--No! [sputtering] I'm not--I'm not the guy! No! Tell him I'm not the guy! He went that way! He went--[dragged by the police again] I'm not the guy!
[Drake and Josh get ready to ride The Demonator as they leave the house]
Josh
Hi, parents.
[stops the boys from leaving] Woah, woah, woah, woah. Where do you boys think you're going?
Josh
We're going to ride The Demonator.
No, you promised that you'd stay here and watch Papa Nichols.
Ugh, fine. Here, come on, he can come with us. Come on, Josh, grab his feet.
Josh
Why do I always have to grab the feet?
[Drake lifts Papa Nichols' shoulders while Josh lifts his feet]
Guys, you can't take your great-grandfather to ride The Demonator.
Josh
Sure we can.
Yeah, you only have to be this tall. [he puts his hand about yay high]
The man just had surgery, and he's heavily medicated.
Oh, come on, he fought in World War II.
Josh
The Demonator is nothing for a man who's seen combat!
Okay, listen to my words. You boys are going to stay here and take care of Papa Nichols, are we clear?
Josh
Yes.
[Drake, Josh and Megan are at Mystic Mountain waiting in line to ride The Demonator]
15. Only 15 people away from riding The Demonator.
Josh
I can't believe we get to ride it the first night it opens. Uh oh. I just had a bad thought.
What? You might grow old, never get married, and die alone?
Josh
No... But thank you for pointing out that possibility.
Josh
What if the ride's not as great as we think it's gonna be?
Josh
I'm just saying, what if it's all hype?
SSpeaker
Please exit The Demonator to your left.
[some passengers walk out of the ride]
MMan
Oh, man, that ride was insane. I feel like part of me has died, but another part has just been born. [walks out]
LBLittle Boy
I don't even care that I puked.
Megan': Yeah, it's all hype.
Oh, man, this is gonna be the greatest night of our lives.
Josh
Ah, true that. [takes another bite of his churro] Uh oh. I gotta pee.
We're almost to the front. Can't you hold it?
Josh
Maybe. But since we're all gonna be sitting in the same row--
Josh
I'll be right back.
If he doesn't make it back in time, we're still gonna go on the ride, right?
If he's mauled by a bear, we're still going on the ride.
[Drake, Josh, and Megan are bumped to the back of the line after Josh used the bathroom and got back in the middle of the line upsetting people]
I can't believe you got us sent to the back of the line!
Josh
Sorry. Yeah, next time, I'll just let my bladder explode.
[Milfred Mouse feels his butt noticing his tail has been off]
Josh
Hey. [takes the tail from him] You do not yank off Milfred Mouse's tail.
MMMilfred Mouse
Hey, buddy. [drops his axe] You do not yank off my tail.
Josh
Yeah, I know, he's the one--
MMMilfred Mouse
[takes his tail] Yeah, yeah, how would you like it if I yank off your tail? [he tickles Josh and he yells]
Josh
Cool it, buddy. [pushes him away]
MMMilfred Mouse
Oh-hoh, don't you push me! [he throws Josh out of the line and attacks him]
Josh
Why, Milfred?
[tries to stop the fight] Break it up.
PBPirate Boy
They're hurting Milfred Mouse!
PBPirate Boy's Mom
Security!
[Drake and Josh keep fighting until the whistle blows and four guards approach]
JOfficer Jackson
Alright, that's it. Get off Milfred Mouse.
MMMilfred Mouse
Yeah, get him off of me! He attacked me.
Josh
But, but he started it.
That mouse is very aggressive!
JOfficer Jackson
Look, you mess with the mouse, you go to the back of the line.
JOfficer Jackson
You with these guys?
[satisfied] Never seen them before in my life.
JOfficer Jackson
Come on! [takes Drake and Josh to the back of the line]
MMMilfred Mouse
[distantly] Yeah, yeah, get outta here! [everyone in line claps]
[after Drake and Josh had a fight with Milford Mouse, they are at the end of the line again, Josh was trying to call Eric, but no answer revealing that Papa Nichols broke Eric's cellphone]
Josh
[hangs up his phone, worried] Oh, man, this is not good. Eric always answers his cell phone.
Dude, I'm sure Papa Nichols is still sound asleep.
Josh
No. That's not the point, alright? We have to go home. There's no way we can ride The Demonator and be home before Mom and Dad get--
[Drake, Josh, and Megan arrive home after riding The Demonator as Craig and Eric angrily stare at them]
Josh
Why are Craig and Eric tied up?
Because your great-grandfather went berserk. That's why.
Josh
What? [he unties them]
And I'll tell you something else! [he angrily shows Drake and Josh his broken cellphone after Papa Nichols broke it] YOU GUYS ARE GONNA BUY ME A NEW CELLPHONE!
[Drake turns on the radio while Josh is doing homework]
Josh
Hey! Hey!
Oh, hey. Want some sandwich?
Josh
No! I'm trying to do my homework. Could you turn that off?!
[takes out his guitar and starts singing in blues] Oh cranky Josh, he is getting so cranky, so very cranky. [Josh breaks his pencil] And now he's breaking things. Somebody call the pencil repairman...
Josh
DUDE!!! Would you please stop that improvisational blues tune? Don't you have homework to do?
My homework's already been taken care of. [gives his note to Josh]
Josh
[reading Drake fake doctor's note] Please excuse Drake from his homework. He twisted his liver and is unable to read, write, or bathe. Yours truly, the doctor.
Josh
Shouldn't the doctor have a name?
Oh, yes. Here, gimme that. Bob! "Bob, the Doctor". Yeah?
Josh
Oh yeah, yeah! That is perfect!
Josh
Hey, she out there?
Yep, she keeps looking up in the sky wondering where the aliens are.
Josh
Perfect, alright. Come here, now this is the ham radio.
Josh
Now we just talk into this mic and we sound like aliens.
Oh, cool, gimme it. Bonjour Si' te plait. [Josh takes the mic]
Josh
We're supposed to sound like we're from outer space, NOT PARIS!
You know there's a way to correct people nicely.
Hello? Hello? Who's out there? Hello? [hears alien noises] Who said that? [Drake and Josh, disguised as aliens, comes through the fence gate towards her] Leave me alone! You'd better not eat my face! Stay away! [falls backwards; screams] What are you doing? [the "aliens" pause] What are you gonna do?
DJDrake and Josh
[exchange looks] Dance. [dance in victory] Gotcha! [chest bump]
What? [Drake and Josh take off their masks] Drake, Josh!?
[Megan comes in Drake and Josh's room while Drake and Josh are still arguing together]
Josh
What?!
[venomously] It is 11:45 PM. I am a little girl. Little girls are suppose to be asleep by 11:45 PM. Now, this is the third night in a row that you clowns kept me up with your fighting. [Drake and Josh continue arguing] HEY! [Drake and Josh stop arguing] Here. [gives Drake and Josh a ticket]
Josh
What are these?
Tickets to the Dr. Phyllis Show. You guys both go on tomorrow after school. The topic is Bickering Brothers. Now, I'm gonna go back to sleep. And I don't wanna hear another sound out of this room! [She leaves Drake and Josh's room]
I don't wanna go on the Dr. Phyllis Show.
Josh
Why? 'Cause you're afraid she'll diagnose you as a BIG JERK!?
[As they argue again, Megan comes back again and puts a smoke bomb on their table. She activates it, exiting and smirking before it emits smoke that causes the brothers to collapse unconscious onto the floor]
Drake & Josh · 289 quotes
