Tony quotes from Dinnerladies

Tony

(to Twinkle) Do you want to get a job in an upstairs window in Amsterdam, or shall we try and cling on to our slim little foothold in catering?

Tony

Hang about, hang about. Now I like strange women shouting the odds in a staff toilet. That's better than a game of snooker to me! But WHAT is going on?

Tony

Any baby of Petula's would look like something out of the Beano!

Tony

(about the possibility of Petula coming to live with them) We've got one whiffy old headcase at work, we don't need another one when we get home.

Tony

I quite like women in a sad, baffled sort of way! But can we get a grip? Out of a workforce of five, at any given moment one will have pre-menstrual tension, one's panicking because she's not, someone's having a hot flush and someone else is having a nervous breakdown because her HRT patch has fallen in the minestrone!

Jean

[Annoyed] That was a one off!

Babs

I've come from Urmston.

Tony

Have you?

Babs

There's two ways to get there.

Twinkle

We're off clubbing! Have a great night, oldies!

Tony

Have you not got coats?

Twinkle

Coats? How sad are you?

Anita

I fancy devorai!

Dolly

As a guest?

Anita

As a fabric for my dress!

Dolly

It sounded like an ethnic boyfriend! Devorai Singh, Devorai Patel...

Tony

Do some flipping work!

Jane

Could you not pick her up? Stan, you and Tony could hoick her over!

I've just had an operation!

Tony

No offence, Glen but if I pick you up, I'd need a flipping operation

Is that ladder stuck?

Tony

No, it's an art exhibition!

Jane

Is there anyone you want to bring?

Tony

What 'bring' bring

Jane

'Bring' bring? Not, not 'bring' bring, just bring.

Twinkle

You can get phones that do that!

Anita

Tony, I've done it again with the mushrooms!

Tony

Where was your last job, a crematorium?

Tony

So, you're not pregnant, then?

Bren

Not unless sperm can get through a sash window.

Stan

It's one of several neglected areas in my life. I've got no sex life, no frying pan and I'm halfway through a tube of toothpaste I absolutely cannot stand!

Anita

Aww, I can help you out, Stan!

Tony

Aye aye?

Anita

I could lend you a wok!

Bren

That's what it is. I wish I'd met you before.

Tony

Before I had chemo?

Bren

Before I married an alcoholic? I dunno. Twenty years ago? No, not twenty years ago, I had a perm!

Tony

Twenty years ago, I think I did!