Petula quotes from Dinnerladies

Petula

As Gerard Depardieu said to me that day in Deauville "What's the point in having a big nose if you can't jam a banana up it?"

Petula

Do excuse me, I man a helpline at midnight.

Petula

Evening all, as dear old Dock Green used to say

Petula

I'm just saving some oxygen for the foetus. (to "foetus") Alright, baba?

Petula

I'm sorry I haven't been a very good mother. You can't be good at everything and I was A1 with a hula hoop.

Petula

I'm not scared. I've already had three near death experiences. Do you remember Bren? Oh, no, you weren't there. The last one there was a light at the end of a long, dark passage and Dusty Springfield was beckoning to me with a lovely smile....turned out i'd passed out in the Mersey Tunnel with a drag act.

Petula

(about dying) I hope i'll end up somewhere with a few like minded folk. Warhol, Dali, Giant Haystacks

Petula

What did Edith Piaf use to say?

Bren

A handbag?

Petula

No, that was Edith Evans! No, it was - non, je ne regrette rien. Rien regriette...

Bren

Who is Babs?

Petula

Babs? She's from Urmston!

Petula

What ward am I on?

8.

Petula

It's mixed isn't it?

Yes.

Petula

Oh, might have a bit of sex. Though after Richard E Grant you don't really want to bother with a load of shagged-out pensioners.

Dolly

Surely they'll have drugs

Petula

Oh, I think so. Brian's got a few contacts - oh, you mean hospital drugs!