Stan quotes from Dinnerladies

Stan

A little baby. What a stupid thing to leave on a fire escape!

Stan

Men and women have different brains.

Dolly

Yes, it was in the Daily Mail. Women can't fold maps, and men can't get interested in headboards.

Stan

It's one of several neglected areas in my life. I've got no sex life, no frying pan and I'm halfway through a tube of toothpaste I absolutely cannot stand!

Anita

Aww, I can help you out, Stan!

Tony

Aye aye?

Anita

I could lend you a wok!

Stan

They used to call me Coppernob!

Twinkle

What colour was your hair, though, Stan?

Stan

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay!

Jean

Is the bus reversing?

Stan

Do you want to know about the traffic? Do you want to know your chances of getting into town this evening in time for HWD Components' once in a lifetime no expense speared Millennium dinner?

Philippa

Please?

Stan

And you don't want it wrapped up? No softening the blow? No words of comfort? No light-hearted little humorous touches?

Philippa

No.

Stan

Here it is, then: there's a riot in the middle of Manchester! There's three naked lads on the roof of The Midland Hotel! Somebody's ramraided the Disney Shop and they've closed the City Centre! They're letting no more cars into town! All the main roads are gridlocked! The Flyover's been coned off, and (approaches Tony) you, and (approaches Jean) you, and (approaches Dolly) you, and (approaches Bren) you, (approaches Philippa) and you are going nowhere!

Philippa

Thank you.

Stan

Don't mention it!