Desperate Housewives · Season 2
What, so you don't get what you want, you just walk off and pout?
Oh, this isn't about me. This is about our great nation, and I have no intention of statisfying a man who isn't willing to stand up for and help spread the ideas and values of the United States of America.
Well, I didn't wanna come here because I was afraid it would drudge up memories of my husband. This was our place. Rex passed away recently. He was, um, murdered by our pharmacist.
Wow. I hope you changed pharmacists.
I didn't have to. He committed suicide.
[about Gabrielle's mother] I think your hatred for her is clouding your judgment.
Maybe, but you don't know her like I do.
Okay. You ran away from home fifteen years ago. Did you ever think to talk to her about the stuff that happened between you and your step-dad?
It wouldn't have done any good.
How do you know that?
Because she knew exactly what was going on with Alejandro and she chose to look the other way.
But you never even gave her a chance to step up. You just ran away from home.
[in tears] Because if I did, then she, we, there was a chance she wouldn't have believed me, and, and that would've hurt a lot worse than anything he ever did to me.
The opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference. And if you hate me, that means you still care, and we're still connected... and I still have a chance to set you right.
Gaby, these pictures have to be wholesome. They gotta say 'these people will do a great job raising a child.
So?
So, you're topless.
Yeah, but it's St. Barts and your hands are covering my naughty parts.
Do you mean the hand that's holding the tequila shot, or the one that's holding the Cuban cigar?
Yeah, that was a good trip.
Time to check your blood pressure.
Oh, sure. Oh, that's a little tight. Does it have to be that tight?
Yes.
Oh. Okay. Ow, ow. That's actually starting to be painful.
Really? That surprises me. I just assumed you were dead inside.
Perception is reality, Andrew. And if people perceive me to have a drinking problem, then I do. And I certainly don't want some idiotic judge using my hobby as an excuse to make you rich. So I'm simply going to give up my wine and become a recovering alcoholic.
Good plan, but it'll never work. See, I'll bet you still end up coming to court hammered.
Oh, Andrew, you don't think I love you enough to give up alcohol?
Look, I'm seventeen, all right? So, you can only keep me here for another year. Why not just let me go?
Because I'm not done with you yet. It's my job to teach you and you are not half the man I know you can be.
Yeah, well, I got news for you. This is as good as I'm gonna get.
If I really thought that, I'd get a gun right now and kill us both.
I'm the one who was sleeping with your son, but it's over now.
No. You're wrong. It's not even close to being over.
[Parker is coloring]
Sweetie, could you put the crayons down for a second, we need to talk. I talked to your teacher today and she told me about the cookie deal you made with Cindy Lou.
Oh, are you mad?
[laughs uncomfortably] No, not exactly, I'm trying to understand why you did that.
[Innocently] Tommy Keenan told me babies come from down there, that doesn't sound right to me.
Well, actually he's kinda right, he's got the concept down.
[Innocently confused] That's weird! How does a baby get in there?
Daddy will be home from his business trip in a few days, why don't you wait for him?
OK. Or I can ask Tommy's brother. He's fourteen and he knows everything!
[Parker looks skeptical as Lynette draws a picture]
... And then the mommy and the daddy because they love each other so much, they hug real tight, and a seed is magically implanted and nine months later a baby is born.
What kind of seed?
Oh, that's not important.
I don't believe you!
Parker, I'm your mother. Mothers don't lie to their sons. Now go wash your hands or Santa's not gonna bring you anything for Christmas.
So the hives occurred right after you kissed George.
Yes. It was the strangest thing. And so inconvenient. To be honest, I think we were about to make love for the first time.
Bree, have you considered the idea that your subconscious mind was trying to sabotage your evening with George?
Actually, I have not considered that, because that's... idiotic.
You don't think that being with George made you feel a bit guilty?
Why should I feel guilty?
Perhaps you felt you were about to commit adultery.
Dr. Goldfine, Rex is dead. You can't cheat on a corpse.
Maybe that's not how you really feel deep down.
Oh, so you think I'm crazy?
You say you got a case of hives for no reason. I think there is a reason, and it's probably a psychosomatic one.
You can think whatever you want, but to be honest, I don't believe in the subconscious.
Every time you've said 'Rex' in this session, you stroked the place where your wedding ring used to be. Why did you do that?
What the hell is this? I thought I told you to dress maternal.
Yes, you did, and I considered it for about a second.
What happened?
David, I know you're the lawyer and all, but if you ask me, it's never a smart strategy to cover this up.
We've got 40 minutes before the pre-trial hearing. Let's go home and get you changed.
What?!
You want to get your husband out of jail? Got to dress like a pregnant, suffering wife, not the cover of Vogue.
You're not willing to get a divorce but you're willing to have an affair?
I said I was Catholic, not a fanatic.
Well, someone may as well say it. Susan, what the hell have you been smoking?
Libby's a pole dancer in a strip club.
Oh! Wow, that, that sounds like interesting work.
You'd think so, but it gets old quickly. My big dream is to become a choreographer.
Really?
Yeah. I made up this one move. It's called the serpent's tongue, and all the girls at the club are doing it now. It's so cool. If I had a pole I could show you.
Well, we'll have to go down to the club and check that out. We'll make a night of it.
I need you to ditch Edie tomorrow night and have dinner with Dr. Ron and me.
Now why would I do that?
Well, for starters, because you banged your secretary and you owe me for the rest of your life.
I'll bring the wine.
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