Why dont you return the shoes and get the money back?
Return the shoes!?! I can't talk to you when you're being hysterical!
S1Live Alone and Like It
Your father is into S&M. He makes me beat him with a riding crop. No wonder you're perverted. Look who your parents are.
S1Fear No More
When I feel threatened by a woman, I pull her in. I make her my best friend.
I thought you said you didn't have any female friends.
I don't. And I've never felt threatened by another woman, either.
Martha (about Mary Alice): Are you saying she stole the baby?
Don't look shocked, Martha. It makes your face look fat. The biological mother was a drug addict. If Angela is your neighbor, which I doubt, then that child was very lucky.
Honey, do your hands still tremble when they touch me?
Haha. No. But come on, we've been married eighteen years.
Yes we have. And you still don't know when I need you to lie.
FCFather Crowley
Gabrielle, what brings you down here? (she looks concerned) Oh, sweet mother of God what have you done this time?
...It seems like you're not going to be happy until you drive me out of this marriage just to prove yourself right (Pause)...You know what, forget I said that."
It's too late.
Well, then just consider it something husbands say to their wives.
S1Sunday in the Park with George
Where are you going?
I feel a wave of morning sickness coming on, and I want to be standing on your mother's grave when it hits.
Before the accident I told her how much I wanted a child and she said that she would take care of it. I just thought that she would talk to you. Baby, I am so sorry.
That bitch! I can’t believe her.
I loved her, but even I had issues sometimes. I mean she could be very controlling.
Reaching out from the grave to screw with me. God, she’s good!
I hid the originals in a safe place. It seemed like a reasonable precaution seeing as you murdered Martha and all. Would you like a cookie?
(Paul Young refuses)
Suit yourself.
(to Bree) You could have an affair with anyone and you choose the pharmacist? You are such a Republican.
S1One Wonderful Day
(to Carlos) Just so you know, you beat up the wrong guy. Didn't you think it was strange that your lawn was the only one that needed to be mowed three times a week?
S2Next
(calmly) I have some news. Rex died.
BBetty
(to Bree) We widows have to stick together.
MMatthew
I was just trying to cover up.
BBetty
I know you were but next time leave the cleverness to me.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Desperate Housewives pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.