Felicia quotes from Desperate Housewives

Felicia

Hello. I want to thank you all for coming out here and expressing your genuine sorrow and disbelief. My sister, Martha, would have been so touched. I know that many of you have questions. I've just spoken with the police who are still putting together the details of what happened. What they do know is, Martha died a violent death. Yes, I know. It’s hard to hear. Apparently, there was a struggle. They found scratching and bruising on her body, several broken bones, and traces of dirt in her lungs, which leads us to believe that she was still alive at the time of her burial, and probably in great pain. But the good news is, there are no signs that she had been molested. Now, I think it's time that you return to your homes, to your loved ones. Oh, in lieu of a memorial service, I'll be holding an estate sale the day after tomorrow. Please, no personal checks.

Felicia

Don't look shocked, Martha. It makes your face look fat. The biological mother was a drug addict. If Angela is your neighbor, which I doubt, then that child was very lucky.

Felicia

I hid the originals in a safe place. It seemed like a reasonable precaution seeing as you murdered Martha and all. Would you like a cookie?

Felicia

Suit yourself.

Paul

I just wanted you to know that everyone on Wisteria Lane is praying for your sister's safe return.

Felicia

Oh, I seriously doubt that.

Edie

Look, Felicia, it's natural to freak out when a loved one is missing.

Felicia

Loved one? Oh, Edie, let me be clear about this. I hated Martha. She was a wretched pig of a woman and the day she died, this world became a better place.

Felicia

Look at them all. Vultures. Pretending to care when all they really want are the sordid details.

I don't know, I think they just want to show their support.

Felicia

Please. Human beings feed on misery.