“Live Alone and Like It” quotes from Desperate Housewives

Andrew

You know what my mom said to me last night? She said she doesn't think I'm going to Heaven. Can you believe that?

I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but the only way you can know Paradise is by repenting your sins.

Andrew

When she said that to me, suddenly it hit me how I was gonna get back at her. From now on, I'm going to be so good. I'm gonna eat my vegetables, I'm,I'm gonna get good grades, I'm gonna say "yes, ma'am" and "no, ma'am." I'm gonna make her believe that God has delivered her this little miracle. Until one day, when she least expects it, I'm gonna do something so awful, it is going to rock her world. I mean, it is really going to destroy her. And when that day comes, trust me. I'll know Paradise.

John

What about me? Can't I be your plan B?

Gabrielle

Damn it, John. What is our new rule?

John

Stop pretending we have a future.

Gabrielle

Thank you.

Gabrielle

If you ever hurt me again, I will kill you.

Carlos

If you ever leave me for another man, I'll kill you.

Gabrielle

Boy, with all this passion, isn't it a shame that we're not having sex?

Gabrielle

I feel trapped.

John

You want me to open a window?

Gabrielle

No, I'm talking about my life.

John

Oh. Are we done making out?

Andrew

(referring to the wine) You don't suppose I can get some of that?

Rex

Nope. I'm gonna need every drop.

Gabrielle

Carlos cut up all my credit cards. I'm married and I can't shop which is the worst of all of all possible worlds.

John

Why dont you return the shoes and get the money back?

Gabrielle

Return the shoes!?! I can't talk to you when you're being hysterical!

Bree

Your father is into S&M. He makes me beat him with a riding crop. No wonder you're perverted. Look who your parents are.