The opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference. And if you hate me, that means you still care, and we're still connected... and I still have a chance to set you right.
S2There Is No Other Way
Gaby, these pictures have to be wholesome. They gotta say 'these people will do a great job raising a child.
So?
So, you're topless.
Yeah, but it's St. Barts and your hands are covering my naughty parts.
Do you mean the hand that's holding the tequila shot, or the one that's holding the Cuban cigar?
Yeah, that was a good trip.
NRNurse Ruth Ann Heisel
Time to check your blood pressure.
Oh, sure. Oh, that's a little tight. Does it have to be that tight?
NRNurse Ruth Ann Heisel
Yes.
Oh. Okay. Ow, ow. That's actually starting to be painful.
NRNurse Ruth Ann Heisel
Really? That surprises me. I just assumed you were dead inside.
Perception is reality, Andrew. And if people perceive me to have a drinking problem, then I do. And I certainly don't want some idiotic judge using my hobby as an excuse to make you rich. So I'm simply going to give up my wine and become a recovering alcoholic.
Good plan, but it'll never work. See, I'll bet you still end up coming to court hammered.
Oh, Andrew, you don't think I love you enough to give up alcohol?
Look, I'm seventeen, all right? So, you can only keep me here for another year. Why not just let me go?
Because I'm not done with you yet. It's my job to teach you and you are not half the man I know you can be.
Yeah, well, I got news for you. This is as good as I'm gonna get.
If I really thought that, I'd get a gun right now and kill us both.
I'm the one who was sleeping with your son, but it's over now.
HRHelen Rowland
No. You're wrong. It's not even close to being over.
S2Please Don't Look At Me
[Parker is coloring]
Sweetie, could you put the crayons down for a second, we need to talk. I talked to your teacher today and she told me about the cookie deal you made with Cindy Lou.
Oh, are you mad?
[laughs uncomfortably] No, not exactly, I'm trying to understand why you did that.
[Innocently] Tommy Keenan told me babies come from down there, that doesn't sound right to me.
Well, actually he's kinda right, he's got the concept down.
[Innocently confused] That's weird! How does a baby get in there?
Daddy will be home from his business trip in a few days, why don't you wait for him?
OK. Or I can ask Tommy's brother. He's fourteen and he knows everything!
[Parker looks skeptical as Lynette draws a picture]
... And then the mommy and the daddy because they love each other so much, they hug real tight, and a seed is magically implanted and nine months later a baby is born.
What kind of seed?
Oh, that's not important.
I don't believe you!
Parker, I'm your mother. Mothers don't lie to their sons. Now go wash your hands or Santa's not gonna bring you anything for Christmas.
S2I Wish I Could Forget You
GDr. Goldfine
So the hives occurred right after you kissed George.
Yes. It was the strangest thing. And so inconvenient. To be honest, I think we were about to make love for the first time.
GDr. Goldfine
Bree, have you considered the idea that your subconscious mind was trying to sabotage your evening with George?
Actually, I have not considered that, because that's... idiotic.
GDr. Goldfine
You don't think that being with George made you feel a bit guilty?
Why should I feel guilty?
GDr. Goldfine
Perhaps you felt you were about to commit adultery.
Dr. Goldfine, Rex is dead. You can't cheat on a corpse.
GDr. Goldfine
Maybe that's not how you really feel deep down.
Oh, so you think I'm crazy?
GDr. Goldfine
You say you got a case of hives for no reason. I think there is a reason, and it's probably a psychosomatic one.
You can think whatever you want, but to be honest, I don't believe in the subconscious.
GDr. Goldfine
Every time you've said 'Rex' in this session, you stroked the place where your wedding ring used to be. Why did you do that?
DDavid
What the hell is this? I thought I told you to dress maternal.
Yes, you did, and I considered it for about a second.
DDavid
What happened?
David, I know you're the lawyer and all, but if you ask me, it's never a smart strategy to cover this up.
DDavid
We've got 40 minutes before the pre-trial hearing. Let's go home and get you changed.
What?!
DDavid
You want to get your husband out of jail? Got to dress like a pregnant, suffering wife, not the cover of Vogue.
DDavid
You're not willing to get a divorce but you're willing to have an affair?
I said I was Catholic, not a fanatic.
Well, someone may as well say it. Susan, what the hell have you been smoking?
S2Could I Leave You?
EBEugene Beale
Libby's a pole dancer in a strip club.
Oh! Wow, that, that sounds like interesting work.
LLibby
You'd think so, but it gets old quickly. My big dream is to become a choreographer.
Really?
LLibby
Yeah. I made up this one move. It's called the serpent's tongue, and all the girls at the club are doing it now. It's so cool. If I had a pole I could show you.
Well, we'll have to go down to the club and check that out. We'll make a night of it.
S2I Know Things Now
I need you to ditch Edie tomorrow night and have dinner with Dr. Ron and me.
Now why would I do that?
Well, for starters, because you banged your secretary and you owe me for the rest of your life.
I'll bring the wine.
Well, I'm still appalled that you're helping my son with this ridiculous emancipation scheme, but you are a guest in my house and guests get sandwiches.
You know, if you'd let me go to his office, you wouldn't have to pretend to be nice to him.
Andrew, there may be a judge out there stupid enough to emancipate you, but until you find him, I retain all my parental rights. One of which is to ground your sorry behind until kingdom come.. Mr. Bormanis, nice to see you again, and, um, please don't get crumbs on my carpet.
That was our lawyer. Libby rejected us as parents.
Why?
What? That's discrimination. It's illegal. We could have her arrested.
It's her baby. She can do whatever the hell she wants to with it. Damn it.
No! No, you don't just toss people aside because of the color of their skin.
We tossed those birth mothers aside because of their appearance.
Well, that's different.
Why?
Because I've read the constitution and it does not protect ugly people.
S3Listen to the Rain on the Roof
Mary Alice (voiceover): Every storm brings with it hope that somehow by morning everything will be made clean again, and even the most troubling stains would have disappeared like the doubts over his innocents, or the consequence of his mistake, like the scars of his betrayal or the memory of his kiss. So we wait for the storm to pass, hoping for the best even though we know in our hearts some stains are so indelible nothing can wash them away.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Desperate Housewives pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.