Spontaneous toilet combustion?
Sara (laughs): Or a college prank.
S5 E23Iced
Warrick (looking at the body in the crop circle): The guy has a blindfold on.
Pin the tail on the donkey gone wrong?
Sara (about the exploding toilet): Well, there's got to be some logical explanation.
Well, if dorm food is as bad as I can remember, we should consider explosive diarrhea.
Hey Grissom, when you went to college did you live in the dorms?
Surely, you jest.
Sara (laughs): You know they say a B.A. is worth a million dollars of extra income over your life.
Yeah, but the present value of college tuition is about the same amount.
So you're saying college isn't worth the expense?
I guess it depends on what you learn.
Music, alcohol, candles. Kid was a regular Romeo.
For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo.
Condom wrapper. (Sara looks at him)
So much for safe sex.
Catherine (to Warrick): I thought you said you were a dork in high school.
I was a dork... I still am a dork. But I had dimples. I got a little action.
I don't doubt that.
Greg (after finding semen on the doorknob): Trophy condoms.
Trophy condoms?
When a stud scores, he hangs his condom on his neighbor's doorknob.
Hey. Want to talk about semen?
Okay. (Mia hands Sara the file) Okey-dokey.
The semen on the vic's doorknob and the neighbor's doorknob is consistent with Trip's DNA. So, I'm thinking that Trip put a trophy condom on his neighbor's door and then transferred a trace of his reproductive material back onto his own doorknob.
You've uh, you've heard of trophy condoms?
Mia (chuckles): Sara, I went to college.
Catherine (about the victim): The only pathway is from the paramedics. How'd he end up in the middle of the circle? (David looks up at the sky)
I have an idea. (Warrick looks up) I'll keep it to myself.
Hey doc.
Two dead bodies, both were in perfect health.
I am so hoping you have more in the report than that.
Well there are two toxins that can turn a body pink post mortem.
We already ruled out carbon monoxide.
Which leaves one, cyanide ingestion. Interesting fact about cyanide, not all everyone can smell it.
Right, it's a genetic quirk.
Unfortunately, I don't have that ability.
The nose has arrived.
S5 E24Grave Danger
What's going on out here?
PPolice officer
Well, an anonymous 911 caller reported body parts in this area. I rolled, and found this. [Shines flashlight on a pile of intestines]
Mmm, tasty.
WGWalter Gordon
You know, I was under the impression that it was against departmental policy to negotiate with terrorists.
Are you a terrorist?
WGWalter Gordon
Depends. [Shines flashlight in Grissom's face] Are you terrified?
Look, I really don't want to talk to you. Where is my guy?
WGWalter Gordon
Oh, so he's "your guy", huh?
Yes, he is. Where is he buried?
WGWalter Gordon
Are you two close?
That's none of your business.
WGWalter Gordon
What does "Nick Stokes" mean to you? How do you feel when you see him in that coffin? Does your soul die every time you push that button? How do you feel knowing that there's nothing you can do to get him out of that hell? Helpless? Useless? Impotent?
[Grissom is silent]
WGWalter Gordon
Good. Welcome to my world. [Opens jacket, revealing Semtex strapped around him] Uh, if I were you, I'd back up a little.
[Grissom takes a step back]
[Gordon blows himself up]
I;m going to get right to it, because time is of the essence here. Where'd you get that package bud?
DMDelivery Man's Attorney
I'd like to advise my client, careful how you answer that son, this man here's slicker than a snake in the green grass.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's CSI: Crime Scene Investigation pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.